


Textbooks & Football

by Dexterous_Sinistrous



Series: Kiss Goodnight [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Colonist (Mass Effect), F/F, F/M, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3172588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dexterous_Sinistrous/pseuds/Dexterous_Sinistrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan apologized quickly as he fell to the ground, clambering to pick up his books in a hurry out of fear that it was a sudden bully attack.</p><p>“It was totally my fault,” a male voice said from next to Kaidan. “Here,” the person said as they outstretched their hand with one of his textbooks. Kaidan quickly took the textbook, overjoyed that he wasn’t hit with it instead.</p><p>Kaidan looked at the person who was holding the book he took and realized it was Shepard. He was kneeling beside Kaidan, preventing the walking traffic of the history hall from stepping on his belongings. He began to panic more at the thought of having bumped into the football captain without realizing it.</p><p>That was the day Shepard turned his life upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, in the chapters that contain self-harm, bullying, and sexual content (which is all consensual), I will give a warning in the notes before hand, so you will know if there the content may be triggering to you.
> 
> Sometimes the bullying may seem very unrealistic, but all the accounts of bullying in this fic come from real life. I have either personally experienced the bullying or I have witnessed it as I went to retrieve a teacher to break it up.
> 
> If you or someone you know is being bullied, or self-harming, please talk to someone. You are not alone. There are people willing to listen and help you. Even me <3
> 
> Side note: Samara is Ms. McAnear, last name taken from her lovely face model Rana McAnear.

Leon Shepard was the complete opposite of Kaidan Alenko. Both attended Normandy High School. Both ate in the same cafeteria. Both walked the same hallways on their way to class. But that was where the similarities ended.

Shepard was the new transfer kid from hundreds of miles away, which peaked everyone’s interest. None more so than Miranda Lawson, head cheerleader and virtually perfect girl. Shepard nearly ignored all the attention Miranda threw at him though, which made her only want him more.

Shepard had quickly ascended the ranks to being the most valuable player on the football team. When the former captain, Brett Miller, was expelled for drug possession, Shepard was unanimously elected as the new captain. Most of the school’s population agreed that Shepard was the perfect person: smart, good-looking, popular, and unexpectedly kind.

Kaidan, on the other hand, saw himself as the exact opposite of Shepard. He spent a majority of his days in the computer lab, writing code for extra credit. He felt his migraines begin to form the moment he thought of sports in general. He enjoyed running, as it gave him time to clear his thoughts, but the idea of being on a team with people disappointed if you lost them a point—much less the game—made him anxious.

Liara T’Soni always said that they were more ‘brainiac’ than jock, and should embrace it. That, however, was easier for Liara than Kaidan. Liara was a natural beauty—freckles included—which made her popular by default. Kaidan saw himself as a typical nerd: slim, farsighted, migraines, and socially awkward.

Part of Liara’s popularity came from her having absolute control over how she was treated by the student body. Nobody would dare poke fun at her, the fact that she knew every secret in the county made sure of it. Though, she was more rebellious than her bookworm persona let on, demonstrated in the dyed blue stripes that ran through her hair, much to her mother’s disapproval.

Kaidan was glad he had Liara to understand him and share interests in. And it came in handy to have the person who knew everyone’s secrets as a best friend. People often declined risking their secrets being spilled when they debated whether or not Kaidan was a good target to bully. Every now and again there would be name-calling or harsh words, but never physical threats like there used to be.

That is where Shepard came in to turn everything upside down.

Shepard was an interesting addition to the students of Normandy High as he defied the norms and refused to take part in the childish bullying that happened on a daily basis. He often broke up fights or talked people out of fighting. It was an amazing thing to watch, really. There was something about the way he spoke that enabled him to charm or even intimidate people out of doing things.

If Kaidan asked himself to honestly grade his last three years, his life at Normandy High was uneventful, to say the least. It was a life of staying under the radar, dodging people and social situations like they were lepers. That all changed, however, the day he bumped into Shepard.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan apologized quickly as he fell to the ground, clambering to pick up his books in a hurry out of fear that it was a sudden bully attack. _You’ve gone years without one, you’re fine_ , Kaidan’s inner voice tried to reassure himself.

“It was totally my fault,” a male voice said from next to Kaidan. “Here,” the person said as they outstretched their hand with one of his textbooks. Kaidan quickly took the textbook, overjoyed that he wasn’t hit with it instead.

Kaidan looked at the person who was holding the book he took and realized it was Shepard. He was kneeling beside Kaidan, preventing the walking traffic of the history hall from stepping on his belongings. He began to panic more at the thought of having bumped into the football captain without realizing it. _They could pulverize me!_

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” Kaidan pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“I wasn’t looking either. I guess we are both to blame,” Shepard said with a small laugh, exposing his white teeth as he smiled.

Kaidan knew he was staring at Shepard’s mouth, but he couldn’t help it. His smile was gorgeous, and Kaidan didn’t want to look away. He finally forced himself to look back at his books as he piled them up. Shepard reached for another one of Kaidan’s books, offering it to him. Kaidan took the book and as his hand gently brushing against Shepard’s, he felt a small tingle run up his arm and into his spine. Something weird was happening and Kaidan didn’t like that is was happening in public. He looked around and noticed other students looking at the both of them. They both stood up almost in unison, the halls almost empty as everyone filed into their classrooms.

“You have a lot of books,” Shepard stated, placing his hands in his pockets.

Kaidan took in Shepard’s appearance for the first time up close. Adorned in dark blue jeans, a simple white t-shirt and leather jacket made him appear to be more of a cut out from one of Liara’s mom’s magazines than a small town teenager.

“Huh?” Kaidan questioned as Shepard’s voice took him out of his thoughts. “Books?” Kaidan looked down at the pile of books in his arms. “Oh, yeah. It’s a curse taking an extra class.”

“You’re taking extra classes?”

“I don’t take gym. The school’s solution is to make me take an extra class every semester.” Kaidan was a little shocked he was telling Shepard, _captain of the football team_ , part of his life story.

“Gym’s overrated. Bunch of jock heads with too much testosterone and adrenaline. Never a smart mixture,” Shepard stated as he leaned against the lockers. “I’m Leon by the way. I go by Shepard, though. I would shake your hand, but you’d probably drop your books again.”

“Kaidan. Kaidan Alenko,” Kaidan almost stuttered his own name out and wanted to kick himself. _Why don’t you just turn into Rain Man?! I need to leave before he realizes how much of an idiot I am._

“Why haven’t I met you yet? I’ve seem to have met everyone else,” Shepard commented as he seemed to be trying to remember if he saw Kaidan before.

“I’m kind of a private person,” Kaidan wanted to wince at his own ability to end conversations. He wasn’t good at public speaking, never mind small talk. That was a ballpark Kaidan was sure he’d never see the inside of.

“Maybe I’ll–” Shepard began to say something when Miranda’s voice cut him off.

“There you are, Leon.”

Shepard rolled his eyes at her use of his first name. He turned his head slightly to look at her, his body still facing Kaidan. “What is it, Miranda?”

“I’ve been looking for you,” Miranda took Shepard’s hand, attempting to pull him after her. “Ms. McAnear is about to start class and she won’t tolerate tardiness.” Miranda looked at Kaidan, giving her signature smile that everyone knew wasn’t sincere, no matter how perfect it looked. “Don’t you have some place to be, Aidan?”

“Kaidan,” Shepard stated with annoyance. “His name, Miranda, is Kaidan.”

“Kaidan, right. What did I say?” Miranda asked with another pretend smile. She let go of Shepard’s hand and started walking back down the hallway, waiting near Ms. McAnear’s classroom.

“Sorry about that. Anyways, I’ll see you around, Kaidan.” Shepard smiled at Kaidan before he turned to leave. Shepard’s smile was the opposite of Miranda’s, full of sincerity and kindness. It was, however, the way Shepard said his name that was different than other people. The sound of his name rolling off Shepard’s tongue sounded nicer, almost intimate.

A small blush ran across Kaidan’s body before resting on his cheeks. He shook his head in disbelief. _I’m not crushing on the football captain. I am not crushing on the football captain_. He continued to repeat the thought until he accidentally transformed it into, _I am crushing on the football captain._

Kaidan was so transfixed on convincing himself that he had no crush on Shepard, he completely forgot which class he had first. The first day of school was hectic enough without having met the football captain, developed a crush on him, and then attempting to remember a schedule on top of that. It was all more than he wanted to focus on. Kaidan pulled out his schedule in his biology textbook and read what his first class was. He felt like he was having a heart attack when he read “U.S. History – Ms. Samara McAnear – Room 135.”

Kaidan felt as if his feet weighed too much to walk as he struggled with trudging over to room 135, the same room Shepard and Miranda disappeared into. There was one thing Miranda didn’t lie about, and that was about Ms. McAnear’s zero tolerance for tardiness. Kaidan entered the room slowly, scanning the sea of faces quickly for a place to sit that wouldn’t make the rest of the semester a living hell.

Liara waved her hand at Kaidan, motioning him to sit at the desk next to her as she moved her bag. Kaidan began to walk over when he suddenly caught sight of Shepard sitting a few rows behind his intended seat. Shepard smiled and waved at him, to which Kaidan smiled a little before nodding his head.

As soon as he sat next to Liara, she leaned in close to Kaidan. “What was that? Since when does Shepard wave to you?”

“I bumped into him in the hallway. He helped me pick up my books.”

Liara smiled in response, leaning in closer as she waited to hear details about their exchange. “And?”

“And that’s it?” Kaidan more asked than stated as he tried to lean away from Liara’s prying eyes.

“That smile he gave you does not translate to ‘that’s it.’ And he waved,” Liara deduced. “Also, Miranda looked pissed.”

“Great. I am making enemies,” Kaidan groaned as he rested his head on his pile of books. “She called me Aidan in the hallway.”

“Oh, that bitch. We’ve known her since second grade. She knows your name.”

“Shepard corrected her. He sounded a bit … annoyed, too.” Kaidan commented as he relived the moment in his mind.

“He what? Maybe he likes you,” Liara said as she looked behind them to catch a glimpse at Shepard.

“Don’t look at him,” Kaidan partly groaned.

“I’ll look.”

“Stop it. Liara, stop looking at him,” Kaidan did everything he could to get Liara to not look except physically forcing her to face front.

“Is there something so compelling about the back of the classroom that you must be turned around, Ms. T’Soni?” Ms. McAnear’s voice caused Liara to turn around immediately.

“No! Sorry, Ms. McAnear,” Liara apologized, hoping she wasn’t causing a scene for Kaidan.

“Very well. Let us begin. Welcome to U.S. History,” Ms. McAnear began her normal introduction, terrifying slackers into desperate “want-to-transfer-classes” while intriguing history buffs like Liara.

Kaidan half listened to Ms. McAnear’s voice as he continued to replay his meeting with Shepard over and over again in his mind. Maybe he missed something that hinted at Shepard secretly laughing at him.

“Anyone besides Ms. T’Soni?” Ms. McAnear took the seating chart that was making its rounds earlier and scanned for a name. “Leon Shepard?” She looked up to spot Shepard making a small wave at her.

Kaidan turned to look at Shepard at the mention of his name. He didn’t catch the question and hoped Shepard was able to answer it. Ms. McAnear was known for making a decisive decision about you via first impression.

“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it,” Shepard quoted, folding his hands gracefully.

Kaidan smiled a little to himself at Shepard’s coy thinking, using a historical quote to answer one of Ms. McAnear’s ultimate philosophical questions. His smile almost faded when he noticed Shepard looked at him, catching him staring. He turned back to looking at Ms. McAnear who crossed her arms as she pondered Shepard’s response.

“A very nice response, Mr. Shepard.”

“Just Shepard is fine,” Shepard commented, smiling in an attempt to lessen the awkwardness of correcting a teacher.

“Shepard,” Ms. McAnear nodded as she erased his first name from the seating chart.

Kaidan almost felt his jaw drop from shock. Shepard managed not only to gain Ms. McAnear’s respect, but he was also able to correct her without getting her famous ice-cold glare. There was something very unique about Leon Shepard, and Kaidan had a feeling he was only seeing the surface of it.

The bell rang before Kaidan expected it to, waiting until the rest of the students filed out the door. Kaidan turned to talk to Liara briefly when he noticed her smiling at something standing next to him.

“Hey,” Shepard’s now familiar voice caused Kaidan to turn and see him leaning against the desk across the aisle from him.

“Hey,” Kaidan replied weakly as he began to stand up.

“I guess we finally have a class together. I would have saved you a seat if I knew,” Shepard commented before he turned to Liara. “But she grabbed you a good one, regardless. Hey. Liara, right?”

“Yes. It’s good to see you, Shepard.” Liara said formally as she began to walk to the door. “I have to run to my next class. See you,” she discreetly winked at Kaidan before she entered the hallway.

Kaidan felt a little betrayed by Liara, knowing that her next class was next door. He had all the time to memorize her schedule, but neglected his own. As if on cue, Shepard pulled out his own schedule to look at.

“Maybe we have more together,” Shepard stated, his voice sounding somewhat hopeful.

“Uh, maybe.” Kaidan pulled his schedule out of the textbook, looking at it.

Suddenly, Shepard leaned in beside him, his arm pressing against Kaidan’s as he held his schedule next to his. Shepard looked back and forth between the two papers, attempting to notice any matches. Kaidan, however, was struggling to get over the fact that his entire arm was pressed up against Shepard’s. For the first time, Kaidan could faintly smell the leather of Shepard’s jacket, and an even fainter aroma that smelled of engine oil and fuel. Typically it wasn’t the smell that you would find overly desirable on someone, but for some reason, Shepard made that smell attractive.

“Oh, look. We have fourth period Biology with Dr. Solus,” Shepard stated as he pointed at the box on Kaidan’s paper that matched the box on his.

“Oh boy. Dr. Solus is a little eccentric.”

“Good thing we have each other,” Shepard stated as he stood back some, folding the paper to place it in his pockets. “Shit,” he muttered as he looked at the clock. “I have shop right now, but I’ll see you in Bio?” Shepard asked as he headed for the door.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll save you a seat this time,” Shepard called back to him as he hurried out the door, smiling as he did.

Kaidan felt like he was going to faint. Maybe he should fake a migraine and just go home. It had to be a prank. There was no way the captain of the football team would befriend him. And it was being made worse the more Kaidan felt his stomach tighten at the thought of Shepard. He knew he was attracted to him, and it scared him that he might find out. _Then you’ll be the laughing stock of the school. Again. Only this time, not even Liara’s reputation will save you_ , Kaidan thought as he slowly made his way to the door.

Kaidan decided that he wouldn’t worry until Biology actual rolled around, and then he would start panicking about what to do. There was a chance Shepard wouldn’t remember to save him a seat. Or Shepard would get there after him and someone else would sit next to him. Kaidan knew he was trouble from the start, but something about Shepard made Kaidan attached to him. There was a kindness in Shepard that Normandy High seriously lacked, and Kaidan welcomed the change. He only hoped that Shepard was sincere in his actions towards him, afraid that he would be seen as the butt end of every joke if Shepard found out about his budding crush.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Fourth period came faster than Kaidan expected and he was hesitant to enter Dr. Solus’ classroom. Every person he asked didn’t have biology fourth period, and he was seriously starting to suspect that Shepard and him were the only ones in biology with Dr. Solus.

Kaidan held his breath as he walked into the classroom, releasing it once he saw no sign of Shepard. Instead, he saw Tali sitting at one of the open lab stations. He walked over to her, receiving a welcoming smile.

“Hey, Kaidan.” Tali flipped her notebook closed, Kaidan only catching a glimpse of what he thought was Garrus’ name.

“Are you still crushing on Garrus?”

“Hey, hey. Quiet,” Tali motioned with her hands for him to lower his voice. “Maybe. But he’s in this class, I hear,” she responded with a little joy.

Kaidan sighed when he realized what that meant. Tali wanted to keep her seat open in hopes Garrus would sit next to her. Kaidan nodded in understanding, wishing her good luck before he went to sit at one of the only lab stations left. At this point, Shepard and him were going to be lab partners for the rest of the semester, which meant he had to bury whatever strange feelings he was harboring, deep down, where the light of day would never see them.

Kaidan heard Garrus’ voice first before he looked up to see him entering the room with Shepard. He had his arm over Shepard’s shoulders as he finished telling a joke. Shepard laughed at the punch line as they walked in, the bell ringing as a signal that class was starting.

“Yes, yes. Very funny. Hurry up. Take your seats,” Dr. Solus stated as he waved his hands at Shepard and Garrus, ushering them to sit.

“Is this seat taken?” Garrus asked in his usually raspy voice, as he leaned against Tali’s lab station.

“Oh. No. You can have it,” Tali stated as she attempted to hide her joy by turning to face Dr. Solus.

Kaidan smiled, happy that Tali was able to get Garrus to sit next to her. It had been a while since Tali admitted she liked anyone, and to admit that you had a crush on Garrus Vakarian was brave.

Garrus Vakarian was not only the captain of the track and field team, but he tangoed at all the school dances, was the best friend of Leon Shepard, and an all around chick-magnet. He never bothered with the dating though, which Liara once mentioned was do to his inability to flirt. His whole family served in the military, his father was some famous general, which added the pressure on Garrus to put in his time. On top of that, he was the undefeated state champion of the javelin throw, and Normandy High loved to over advertise it. To say he was a big deal was an understatement.

Shepard looked from Garrus to scan the room, and quickly caught a glimpse of Kaidan, smiling as he walked over to his lab station. He sat beside him, setting his books down as he said hi. Kaidan returned his greeting with a small smile of his own. Maybe he was overthinking the whole thing. Shepard seemed to be too nice a guy for something petty like orchestrating a huge prank.

“Welcome to Biology!” Dr. Solus announced, moving his arms in an expressive way. His speech quickened as he moved from rambling about the interesting aspects of biology to a tangent about seashells.

“Does he always do this?” Shepard whispered as he leaned closer to Kaidan.

“Yeah. He really likes running tests on seashells. According to Liara, it’s all we’ll do in his class.”

“Should be fun,” Shepard said as he turned on his stool to face his body towards Kaidan.

It didn’t take long for Dr. Solus to finish his ramblings, quickly handing out a seashell to each group. He began writing on the board, talking to himself as he did so. Kaidan noticed Garrus humming a soft tune as he examined a seashell with Tali. His humming began to cease when Dr. Solus suddenly picked up the tune, who began loudly humming to himself. Garrus looked over to Shepard and mouthed, “I told you so,” with a smile.

Shepard laughed a little, explaining to Kaidan, “Garrus bet me that he could make Dr. Solus hum a song while he teaches. I was skeptical.”

“Dr. Solus was a Shakespearean actor, actually. He’s into Broadway and show tunes. He directs the school play every year,” Kaidan commented. “Garrus knows that.”

“I am definitely not paying him, then,” Shepard said as he shifted in his seat.

Kaidan looked down at the seashell, inspecting its corners at he attempted to jot down different notes on their lab sheets. He tried to not pay attention to how close Shepard was, but he found himself thinking back to first period when Shepard pressed his arm up against his. The touch was so intimate yet unintentional that Kaidan was trying to convince himself that it was nothing.

“Are you describing it in depth?” Shepard asked as he leaned across the lab station.

“Huh?” Kaidan asked as he looked at Shepard. He was a little surprised by Shepard’s head being only a few inches from his. He felt his heart beat quicken once again at the thought of him being so close.

“Wow, you’re thorough,” Shepard stated when he saw how detailed Kaidan’s notes were.

“Thanks,” Kaidan replied, looking down at the lab sheet.

Time seemed to fly by when the bell suddenly rang, signaling the end of the school day. Kaidan gathered his books and stood from the stool.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kaidan said as he decided that he had to be someplace other than next to Shepard.

“Looking forward to it,” Shepard responded with a smile as he called after Kaidan.

Kaidan continued to think about what had happened. More importantly, how it had happened. Shepard was the most popular kid in school—besides the stereotypical head bully Ian Manning—and someone like that had no business being Kaidan’s friend. _Right?_ He groaned as he continued to think of Shepard and the how close he had gotten as they leaned over their lab report.

“Nerd alert,” Ian’s voice sounded as he passed Kaidan’s locker. He pushed Kaidan’s locker partially closed with his shoulder, shoving Kaidan backwards some.

_Hilarious_ , Kaidan scoffed inwardly when Jennifer began to laugh from her place on Ian’s arm.

“Grow up,” Liara called as she came to stand next to Kaidan’s locker.

“Piss off, T’Soni,” Ian called back to her.

“I hate how high school idolizes those idiots,” Liara commented as she opened Kaidan’s locker the rest of the way. She noticed Kaidan staring at Ian and Jennifer as they turned the corner. “Are you actually glaring?” She inquired as she moved her hand in front of his face.

“No,” Kaidan corrected her as he turned back to his locker, dropping off his unnecessary textbooks.

“I think I like the effect Shepard is having on you,” Liara smiled as she leaned against Kaidan’s opened locker door.

“What?” Kaidan looked up at Liara. “How did you even know I saw him after Ms. McAnear’s?”

“Mystical powers,” Liara wiggled her fingers in front of her face, laughing at Kaidan’s small glare. “Tali told me she was sitting next to Garrus, and she noticed that Shepard partnered up with you.”

“Figures,” Kaidan stated.

“Hey, be grateful. The universe appears to favor you today,” Liara smiled.

“Clearly,” Kaidan gestured his head to where Ian and Jennifer had disappeared as he closed his locker.

“They’re natural born assholes,” Liara waved her hand towards where Kaidan gestured.

“Would certainly make the puzzle of Shepard much easier to solve,” Kaidan sighed.

“Did something happen? Tali only said that you’re lab partners, but she was too busy paying attention to Garrus to notice anything else,” Liara eagerly waited for Kaidan to tell her.

“Nothing really happened,” Kaidan admitted as he closed the door to his locker. “He was … Nice,” he smiled to himself as he recalled Shepard’s friendly nature and kind gestures during Bio.

“Just nice, huh?” Liara smiled as she inspected Kaidan’s almost euphoric state.

“Don’t start that,” Kaidan stated.

“I didn’t say anything,” Liara stuck her hands up in a placated manner as she spoke.

Kaidan smiled when she bumped shoulders with him, both knowing that this was definitely the beginning of something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon Shepard is not a customized Shepard, he looks like John Shepard, but I just don't like using the name John. He does, however, have longer hair opposed to the buzz cut. I often think of [this](http://drunklightning.tumblr.com/post/94637599111/spectre-commander-make-a-wish-request-for) Shenko artwork.
> 
> Enjoy~

Weeks passed and Shepard slowly became a close friend of Kaidan’s. Well, Shepard probably considered them to be close friends, Kaidan simply continued to develop a crush on him. Kaidan was surprised to find that they shared similar interests, and even discovering that Shepard wasn’t ‘all jock.’ If Kaidan had to label Shepard, he would say he was more artistic than anything else. Shepard loved to draw, but confessed to Kaidan that he had stopped around a year ago, right before he moved here.

Kaidan should have grown accustom to it, but every time he came to school early he was shocked to find Shepard waiting by his locker for him. It was never about anything important, mere small talk with the occasional question about homework.

That, Kaidan speculated, is how he ended up sitting on the football field’s bleachers on a Friday afternoon. He felt out of place, especially with Miranda in front of him choreographing a very sexual cheer routine for the upcoming game. But Shepard asked to meet up after practice, and he was surprisingly the last person Kaidan wanted to disappoint.

Shepard waved to Kaidan when he spotted him, which coaxed a small wave from him in return. _To say I feel awkward is an understatement_. He glance around him several times, hoping to see more than just girls watching their boyfriends during football practice. _I am literally taking the place of Shepard’s girlfriend_ , Kaidan thought before he quickly tried to forget it.

Kaidan zipped his jacket up, the cool early November weather nipping at his body. He made a makeshift desk for himself as he opened his textbook and began to read, a very weak attempt to try and not stare at Shepard more than necessary. He looked up every now and again, watching Shepard throw the ball across the field. There was no doubt that he was the best player on the team, and Kaidan could see why, regardless of the fact that he knew nothing of the sport.

As Coach Anderson called a wrap on practice, Kaidan had already finished his homework and begun doodling in his notebook. He looked up once he heard a series of footsteps approaching the bleachers, spotting Shepard among the mass of football jerseys.

Shepard jumped the small fence with ease, stepping on the seats of the bleachers to climb up to Kaidan. Kaidan looked down at his notebook, noticing he subconsciously drew—what he would deem—a very poor Shepard before slamming the notebook closed. _I’m going to have to rip that up_ , Kaidan thought as he tried to focus on acting normal for now.

“Hey,” Shepard greeted. “Thanks for coming. I didn’t think I’d get a chance to see you. You know, outside of the classroom.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Kaidan responded, looking out to the field. “You looked great.” He froze up immediately following his admission. _Quick! Think of something to say so he’ll forget it!_ “I mean, the team. The team looks great.”

“Way to take a compliment back,” Shepard laughed.

“Shepard!” Anderson yelled from the sideline of the field.

“Coming, Coach!” Shepard yelled back before turning to face Kaidan again. “I have to shower after this. Meet you in the parking lot?”

Kaidan nodded as he picked his backpack up, still stunned into silence by the fact that he admitted to Shepard that he was ‘great looking.’ That, and he was weakly attempting to not picture Shepard showering. It wouldn’t be the first time he thought of Shepard without clothes on, only this time it wasn’t in the sanctity of his own room. _I’m a human trash can_ , he thought as he made his way to the parking lot.

Kaidan hated that he thought of Shepard that way, always feeling guilty that he couldn’t stop his mind from picturing him that way. He pictured the water rolling down his body as he ran his hands through his hair, thoroughly working the water and shampoo into his scalp. Soapy water marking the contours of his back, running over his torso, dipping down into his navel before— _Holy shit! Stop fantasizing about Shepard showering!_ Kaidan groaned loudly to himself, thankful that he did not get an obvious boner from his vivid imaginings.

Shepard ran over to talk with Coach Anderson, discussing the different plays for the upcoming game and the potential of college scouts being present at upcoming games. “It’s a big deal, son. And no one has a better chance than you,” Anderson said as he placed his hand on Shepard’s shoulder.

“I know. Thank you, sir.” Shepard nodded before parting from Anderson, making his way to the locker room to quickly take a shower before meeting up with Kaidan.

Kaidan was leaning against his beat up old Buick, anxiously tapping his foot. He hated hanging around the parking lot, afraid that he’d run into the not-so-friendly popular students. Shepard and Garrus were the rare commodities that graced the halls of Normandy High, never stooping to the low level of bullying. But not everyone followed their ideals, which made school grounds sometimes dangerous to roam after classes ended.

As if on cue, Kaidan noticed Miranda walking to her car, resulting in his attempt to hide behind his own car for fear of being seen. Miranda never liked Kaidan, but since Shepard became his friend, she outwardly displayed exactly how much she didn’t like him. She was talking on her phone when she caught a glimpse of Kaidan before he was able to duck behind the driver’s side.

 _She definitely saw me! Maybe she’ll decide to just leave._ Kaidan, however, knew that his luck was nonexistent when it came to avoiding Miranda, and this time was no different than the others.

“Ew,” Miranda muttered under her breath as she kept a maintained distance from Kaidan’s car. She rounded the front of his car to find him sitting on the ground next to the front wheel. “What are you doing, Kaidan?” She asked, actually puzzled by his actions.

“I … Uh,” Kaidan stood up quickly, brushing his pants off in case dirt decided to cling to him. “I thought I dropped something.”

“Right …” Miranda said as she looked on the ground around him, seeing nothing. “Anyways, what are you doing here still?” She suddenly waved her hand in a negative gesture, not giving Kaidan a chance to respond. “Never mind, I saw you at the football practice. Are you stalking Leon?” Miranda asked as she crossed her arms.

“What? No. No, why would I? I’m not.” _Way to make it sound like you’re guilty._

“Leon’s just too nice to tell you to bug off,” Miranda said in almost a sympathetic tone. “Look, it’s kind of weird. You two being friends and all. People are talking.”

“Talking? I haven’t heard anything,” Kaidan said more to himself than to challenge Miranda.

“Just because you are friends with Liara doesn’t mean you know everything.” Miranda came to stand in front of Kaidan, pushing a perfectly manicured fingernail into his chest as she spoke. “I’m going to do you a favor and tell you to stop talking to him while you’re still not a laughing stock.” She gently flicked her nail up to clip Kaidan on the nose, making him flinch slightly. “I’m saying this for your own good. Stick with your kind. Shepard’s above you. Remember that.” Without another word, she walked back over to her car, pulling out of the parking lot once she double-checked her make-up.

Kaidan only stared forward, sliding down the door of his car, sitting back on the ground. He felt his chest tightening as he thought about Miranda’s threat. _It wasn’t a threat, it was rational thought. It’s the truth. Shepard_ is _better than me_. He began to doubt his relationship with Shepard, whatever it was, and started to feel like a fish out of water. _Why did he want to be friends with me? Why talk to me?_ He started to feel one of his migraines forming; groaning in response, he lightly let the back of his head bang against his car.

 _I need to get out of here_ , Kaidan thought as he looked around for Shepard. He felt bad leaving, but his anxiety convinced that it would be better if he didn’t hang out with Shepard. Pulling the creaking door open, he slipped into the driver seat as a somber mood fell over him. If he left without talking to Shepard, he’d be seen as a rude asshole, and part of Kaidan didn’t want Shepard to see him that way. Somehow his fingers decided to not work, preventing him from turning the key.

That’s how Shepard found Kaidan sitting in the driver’s seat, his hand gripping the key dangling from the ignition. Shepard bent over and gently rapped his knuckles against the driver’s window.

Kaidan looked from his steering wheel to Shepard, staring at him through the window. Shepard smiled slightly as he motioned to have Kaidan roll the window down. Kaidan slowly rolled the window down, attempting to force a smile.

“Hey, you okay?” Shepard asked as he leaned in close, resting his forearms against the now opened window of Kaidan’s door.

“Yeah, um. I’m fine.” Kaidan’s hands tightened around the wheel, his knuckles turning white from the tension in his fingers. He snuck a quick peak at Shepard, noticing his hair damply gelled back from being freshly showered. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt, folding his jacket in his arms as he offered Kaidan a smile.

“You look like you’re going to break the wheel,” Shepard said, motioning to the steering wheel as he rested his chin against his arms.

“Just had an interaction with Miranda,” Kaidan finally admitted as he let his body fall back into his seat.

“Oh boy,” Shepard said as he straightened his body, walking around the front of the car. Kaidan was somewhat worried that Shepard was going to leave, but was relieved when he opened the passenger’s door. He sat down with his jacket in between them on the bench seat before closing the door. “Want to talk about it?”

Kaidan looked at Shepard, smiling slightly before looking away. “She was just giving me some pointers,” he replied, nervously taking his glasses off to clean them quickly before placing them back on the bridge of his nose.

“She wasn’t too friendly, was she?”

“She thinks I shouldn’t be friends with you.” A silence fell between them as Shepard turned to look out his window, observing the small number of people vacating the parking lot.

“Is that what you think?” Shepard asked as he continued to stare out the window.

Kaidan was silent for a few moments as he thought about what to say. He wanted to admit that he loved spending time with Shepard, but he was afraid that Miranda was right. “No. I mean, I like being your friend and all, but I feel like Miranda may be right.” Kaidan shifted in his seat, uncertain if his statement would upset Shepard or not.

“Right about what?” Shepard asked as he turned his head to look at Kaidan.

“I mean, you’re better than me,” Kaidan replied weakly.

“What?” Shepard turned his body to face Kaidan, resting his arm against the back of the seat.

“You’re, well … you. And I’m me. It’s hard to explain,” Kaidan attempted to explain, not looking at Shepard.

“Right. But we’re both people. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re a lot better than I am,” Shepard stated. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard someone say that,” Kaidan admitted, finally looking over at Shepard.

“Well, people should be honest with you. You’d hear it more often.” Shepard looked around Kaidan’s car before smiling. “So this is your ride, huh?”

“What? Oh, yeah,” Kaidan replied with a laugh. “Not the best, I know.”

“It’s not bad. But it looks like a metal, hunk of junk,” Shepard commented as he started to plan out a way to fix up Kaidan’s car.

“Junk? Coming from the guy who drives a death trap,” Kaidan replied.

“Ouch. Attacking my motorcycle?” Shepard laughed as he feigned being wounded.

“You started it,” Kaidan responded with a faint smile.

“Sorry. It’s the mechanic in me,” Shepard leaned back into the seat, bending his leg to rest it on the seat.

“You take care of your bike yourself?” Kaidan asked, already knowing the answer. He didn’t stalk Shepard like Miranda said, but he saw Shepard arrive on his bike almost everyday. Kaidan connected Shepard’s scent and the state of his motorcycle to mean that he spent a considerable amount of time as a mechanic. _His scent. Could I be any creepier?_

“Yeah. My dad taught me mechanics before he … you know.” Shepard shifted, uncomfortable talking about his parents in the past tense.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan apologized as he looked at Shepard.

“No, it’s not you. It’s just hard for me to talk about it. The past tense and everything,” Shepard took a deep breath to try and distance himself from the memories of his parents.

“I understand,” Kaidan replied. He noticed that Shepard was staring out the window once more, his hand resting over his leather jacket on the spot in between them.

Kaidan looked at his hand, almost thinking about reaching out for him when he hesitated. _Would it be weird if I touched his hand?_ Figuring it was worth it, Kaidan placed his hand lightly over Shepard’s. Shepard looked down at his hand, his eyesight running up Kaidan’s arm to look at his face. Shepard smiled lightly, muttering a “Thank you,” to Kaidan.

Shepard took a deep breath before he opened his mouth to say something. A loud bang on Shepard’s side of the car made both of them jump, moving their hands apart from one another. Kaidan noticed the two guys as part of the football team: James Vega and Steve Cortez. In an attempt to not seem suspicious, Kaidan placed his hands on the steering wheel as Shepard turned to roll the window down.

“We’re headed to Miranda’s for the party. Remember, Loco?” Vega said as soon as Shepard lowered the window.

“Ignore James. He’s being rude. Hey Kaidan,” Steve said as he bent down to look through the window, waving when he saw Kaidan.

Kaidan remained silent as he waved back at him. Shepard looked back at Kaidan before answering James.

“I actually was spending some time with Kaidan.”

“Shepard, it’s okay,” Kaidan said silently, wanting to get home as fast as possible. “You should go have fun.”

“Whole team is going to be there,” James added. “All those cheerleaders too.”

“You’re a pig,” Steve replied jokingly.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” James replied as he looked at Steve.

Shepard ignored their conversation to look at Kaidan. “Are you sure? I mean, I wanted to spend time with you,” he almost sounded disappointed that he wasn’t able to spend as much time as he planned with Kaidan.

“We can always hang out another time. I’m getting a migraine anyways,” Kaidan stated in an attempt to take Shepard’s guilt away.

“Will you be fine getting home?” Shepard asked in a concerned tone.

“I should be if I leave soon,” Kaidan remained looking at his steering wheel as he spoke. _Shepard’s above me_ , he repeated Miranda’s words in his head. _I’ll only bring him down_.

“I’ll call you,” Shepard said in defeat after a few moments of silence. He opened the door, rolling up the window at the same time. “And thanks for talking with me,” he added as he leaned back in to grab his jacket.

“No problem,” Kaidan said weakly.

“See you,” Shepard said before he closed the door.

As soon as Shepard was clear of the door, Kaidan started his car, pulling out of the parking lot as fast as he could. He felt his headache forming, knowing full well that the tears forming in his eyes were not helping him in the least. _Crying makes it worse, idiot. Stop thinking about it_ , Kaidan thought as he attempted to coach himself through the pang of pain he felt running from his chest to his head.

What Kaidan didn’t know was that Shepard stood in the parking lot, watching him leave as he was glued to his spot. He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about what happened in the car. He was about to ask Kaidan about their relationship, and the possibility of something more. Whenever he tried to talk to Kaidan before or after class he would be in a hurry to get some place. It took him a few weeks to gain the courage to finally ask him to meet him after practice. _Just my luck that Dweedle Dee and Dumb showed up_ , Shepard thought as he stared at the road Kaidan had driven down.

“Hey, you coming, Loco?” James called back to him, already across the parking lot with Steve.

Shepard lightly hit his jacket against his leg before turning to walk after them. He swore his drinking days were over, but Kaidan Alenko was driving him crazy and he needed something in order to unwind. _A party will be good_ , Shepard tried to convince himself.

Shepard would have declined the beers handed to him if he knew he would be drunk dialing Kaidan later that night. He didn’t mind calling Kaidan, but it was the fact that he was drunk that he would have minded. He tended to admit things when he was drunk that were better left for when he was sober.

Kaidan groggily reached for his phone when the ring tone began playing loudly. His room was pitch black, something he was thankful for as his migraine continued to pound. His awareness heightened some when he saw ‘SHEPARD’ light up on his caller id. He noticed his alarm clock glowing 11:26 through the dark.

“Hello?” Kaidan answered his phone in general confusion. _Maybe he pocket dialed me_.

“Kaidan?” Shepard’s voice came through the loud noise of the music blaring in the background.

“Shepard?” Kaidan felt as if he was a little kid again, yelling through plastic cups attached to a string trying to speak to the person on the other end.

“I miss you,” Shepard suddenly uttered in admission.

Kaidan sat up in his bed, caught off guard. “… Are you drinking?” He asked, noticing that Shepard’s voice was off.

“Was. Well, still am technically.”

Kaidan heard James yell something to Shepard in the distance, the noise suddenly dying down. _He must be walking away from the party,_ he thought. “How much have you had?”

“Enough. Well, maybe not enough. I shouldn’t drive. Did you hear me though? I said I miss you,” Shepard repeated his earlier confession.

“I did, but I’m a little more concerned about your safety.”

“Do you miss me?” Shepard hopefully asked.

“Yes,” Kaidan hesitated as he responded, unsure if having a conversation with a drunk Shepard was a good idea.

“I wish you were here. These people are terrible people. Well, Garrus isn’t. And James and Steve are pretty good.”

“I don’t do parties. Or social events in general,” Kaidan admitted.

“We could have hung out. Just the two of us,” Shepard almost sounded as if he was formulating an idea. “We should hang out tomorrow.”

“I’m not sure if I can, but I can try.” Kaidan felt bad for telling a half-lie, knowing that he had nothing planned for tomorrow.

“Shit!” Shepard cursed loudly. “You have a migraine still, don’t you? I’m a terrible person. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” Kaidan said louder than normal, trying to get through Shepard’s small ramble about how terrible he was.

“Really? Good. You’re the last person I’d want to bother.”

“Same here.”

“I wanted to thank you for today, though.” Shepard almost sounded sober now, his voice becoming more serious.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Kaidan almost murmured.

“It meant a lot to me. I don’t usually talk about my parents. Or the car crash, and it means something that you were there to listen.” Shepard took a deep breath. “I guess what I’m saying is that your hand on mine meant a lot. I enjoyed it.”

Kaidan couldn’t think straight anymore. _Shepard just said he enjoyed my hand on his_. He could feel the blush running across his face, thankful Shepard couldn’t see him at the moment. Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, but Shepard’s voice cut him off.

“Coming!” Shepard yelled off into the distance. “Garrus is going to take me home now, apparently.”

“That’s good.” Kaidan said, deciding to keep quiet about their earlier discussion point. “Is he okay to drive?” He may not have been present, but he was still determined to not let someone get in a car drunk.

“It’s his turn to be designated driver. He wasn’t happy but he’s as dry as …” Shepard paused as he tried to think of a comparison. “As dry as something dry.”

Kaidan laughed lightly at Shepard’s inability to remember expressions.

“See you tomorrow?” It was the most hopeful Kaidan had ever heard Shepard sound.

“Sure,” Kaidan almost sighed, knowing that he couldn’t reject Shepard’s invitation now.

“Night,” Kaidan could hear the smile in Shepard’s voice as he spoke.

“Good night, Shepard,” Kaidan said with a smile as he hung up the phone.

Kaidan looked at his phone before setting it on the bed beside him. He observed his room in the darkness, the silence adding to the emptiness hanging over him. He attempted to fight his urge to Google search Shepard, but he wanted to know more about him, without getting drunken phone calls in the dead of night.

Kaidan stood up as he gave into his curiosities, making his way over to his desk where his laptop rested. The bright light from his computer’s screen stung his eyes slightly before blinking several times until his vision adjusted. He hesitated slightly before he finally placed his fingers on the keyboard. His fingers rapidly typed the words ‘Leon Shepard car accident’ into Google’s search engine. _This isn’t crossing a boundary, is it?_ Kaidan thought before he hit the enter key.

Kaidan clicked on the first link, which brought him to an article titled ‘Tragic Car Accident Claims Many Lives, Sole Survivor.’ He felt his stomach tighten, a pang of guilt welling up inside him for looking into Shepard’s past without telling him. Kaidan scrolled down the article, skimming enough to get that a drunk driver caused a severe pile up on the highway, instantly leaving 5 dead and 2 in the hospital. He leaned back in his chair as he felt a wave of devastation fall over him. _I can’t believe I asked him about a designated driver! Of course he wouldn’t drink and drive, not after this_.

Kaidan looked away from his computer to look out the window at the stars. Of all the people for something like this to happen to, it happened to someone as nice as Shepard. He looked back at the screen, noticing the top of a picture at the bottom of the page. He scrolled down enough to reveal a photo of a younger Shepard sitting on a hospital bed. Kaidan clicked on the image to enlarge it, its caption reading ‘Leon Shepard, age 16, is the sole survivor of the car crash, after Talia Jefferson passed away in the ICU from critical head injuries.’ It was easy to tell the picture was taken through the glass of a hospital door. The pixelated Shepard’s bandage-wrapped head was hung low, staring at his hands. Kaidan exited from the zoomed image, feeling as if he found something he shouldn’t have.

Scrolling down more, Kaidan saw one of the paragraphs were dedicated to telling Shepard’s experience of the car crash. He hesitated once again, taking a deep breath before he started reading.

‘Leon Shepard was driving his parents’—Troy and Hannah Shepard—vehicle when the drunk driver—Michael Bartari—entered onto the highway, going the wrong way. Police report that Bartari was speeding when he swerved, slamming his vehicle into the passenger’s side of Shepard’s vehicle. The force of impact caused Shepard’s vehicle to roll down the embankment next to the highway. According to the police report, Troy and Hannah Shepard died instantly, while Leon suffered with minor injuries.’

Kaidan ran his hands over his face as he tried to comprehend everything Shepard’s been through. _He lost everything in a second, and there was nothing he could do._ He reached for his laptop, closing it before relaxing in his chair. He almost wished he didn’t look up what happened, feeling as if he cheated on a test of some sort. _I should have let Shepard tell me when he was ready. If he even wanted to tell me_ , Kaidan thought.

Kaidan made his way over to his bed, the silence feeling more like a burden instead of a comfort. He stared at the ceiling as he tried to come to a conclusion. _Maybe I should talk to him about it?_ Kaidan shook his head as he realized that Shepard may only be upset by having to talk about it with him. Whatever his decision would be, Kaidan decided that he should probably tell Shepard that he searched him. The last thing Kaidan thought of was the pixelated picture from the newspaper and how he wished he could have comforted Shepard in that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Kaidan woke up earlier than usual on a Saturday, preparing to help his parents in the apple orchard. He made sure the cords of his headphones were secured around the back of his neck as he sat on the ladder against the apple tree. Kaidan made sure he set the apples down into the baskets hanging off the ladder, determined not to bruise them like his mother lectured.

Kaidan turned some as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled his earbuds out before retrieving his phone, looking at his caller id. His breath caught in his throat slightly when he saw that is was Shepard calling him.

“Hello?” Kaidan answered the phone as calmly as possible.

“Hey, Kaidan.” Shepard’s voice sounded sleepy.

“You alright?” Kaidan asked in concern.

“I’m good. I don’t have a hangover,” Shepard laughed slightly. “I noticed I called you last night. I wanted to apologize if I said anything … inappropriate.”

“No, nothing inappropriate. You just thanked me,” Kaidan admitted. “For understanding.”

“Right. Well, I wanted to ask you about hanging out. We were kind of cut short last time,” Shepard sounded excited.

“Oh, right.” Kaidan looked down the row of apple trees to see his parents still working on the different trees. “I’m actually working with my parents right now.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” Shepard’s voice sounded sad as he spoke.

“No, you’re not bothering me. I want to hang out with you, but I need to finish picking apples,” Kaidan winced slightly at how stupid his explanation sounded.

“Picking apples?” Shepard curiously asked.

“My parents own an apple orchard. I help on the weekends.” Kaidan wanted to groan at how lame he must have sounded. _A real goody-goody_.

“Oh. Right,” Shepard paused as he thought about what to say next.

“Would you … want to help out? Or something?” Kaidan asked, unsure if he should ask.

“I’ve never picked apples before,” Shepard said in a happy tone. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” Kaidan replied excitedly, wincing slightly at how obvious he was being. “If you want to. It is kind of fun. Finding the perfect apple to pick and all.”

“I’d love to.” Kaidan could hear the smile in Shepard’s voice, making him smile also.

After talking a few minutes longer, Kaidan was able to give Shepard directions to his house before approaching his mom and dad. He placed his hands in his pockets as he looked at the ground.

“Who was that, honey?” Kaidan’s mom asked as she looked down from the apple tree.

“A friend from school. I was supposed to hang out with him yesterday, but then I had my migraine,” Kaidan explained.

“A friend?” His mom inquired once she reached the bottom of the ladder. “What’s his name?”

“His name is Leon. He was the new transfer student last year,” Kaidan said as he shifted his weight. He never liked how nosey his mother got when it came to his private life.

“Oh, that boy who lives with Detective Ryan now? Terrible thing, what happened to his parents,” Kaidan’s mom mentioned as she pulled her gloves off. Kaidan felt a little uneasy knowing that somehow his mother knew about Shepard’s history and he didn’t.

“Helen,” Kaidan’s dad started from his spot on the ladder to a tree in another row. “Don’t be nosey.”

Kaidan’s mom waved her hand at his dad—a gesture of dismissal—which made Kaidan smile.

“Well, he’s never picked apples before, and he still wanted to hang out, so I invited him to come over today.” Kaidan was sure his parents wouldn’t mind, especially since it meant extra help for free.

“Oh, that will be nice,” Kaidan’s mother said. “He can stay for dinner too.”

 _It’s a trap!_ Kaidan’s inner voice yelled at him. Every time his mother invited someone over for dinner, she turned it into a chance to ask a million questions.

“Thanks mom,” Kaidan said happily. Although he felt that his mother was going to inquire about their relationship, he was happy that his mom was willing to give him and Shepard a fighting chance.

Kaidan waited on the front steps of his porch, resting his head in his hands. He began to constantly check his watch, noticing that every time he looked, only a few seconds passed. He lifted his head up the moment he heard the sound of a motorcycle’s engine approach his house. He knew his parents would instantly disapprove of Shepard’s motorcycle, but part of him admired the fact that Shepard maintained his motorcycle himself. _Even if it is a deathtrap._

Kaidan stood up the minute he saw Shepard’s motorcycle pull up to his house. Shepard killed the engine and pulled his helmet off. He smiled at Kaidan before putting the kickstand down, swinging his leg off of the bike.

“I’m glad you found it,” Kaidan said as he kicked at the dirt.

“I’m good with directions,” Shepard responded as he set his helmet on the seat of his bike. “So, tell me, is there a secret trick to picking apples?”

“No,” Kaidan laughed slightly as he walked beside Shepard. “You don’t have to pick any.”

“No, I’d love to. I just don’t want to ruin your apples.” Shepard looked down the multiple rows of apple trees.

“Hi!” Kaidan’s mom called from one of the distant apple trees. She waved slightly as she descended the ladder.

“Hello,” Shepard responded as he waved to her. He looked at Kaidan, smiling before quickly walking down the aisle of apple trees.

“I don’t know where Mr. Alenko went,” Mrs. Alenko announced, looking around. “He probably went to go get the tracker. You’ll be able to meet him at dinner. Anyways,” she smiled as she spoke. “I was so happy to hear that Kaidan has a friend,” Kaidan’s mother said as she offered her hand to shake Shepard’s. Kaidan winced at his mother’s wording, feeling even more insignificant.

“He’s a great person to have as a friend,” Shepard replied as he shook her hand, looking back at Kaidan to see him shake his head.

“Thanks for implying I don’t have friends, mom,” Kaidan stated in slight embarrassment.

“Oh, I meant a friend coming over to visit.” Kaidan’s mom smiled as she looked from Shepard to Kaidan.

“I appreciate you having me,” Shepard smiled as he spoke.

“I don’t know if Kaidan mentioned, but we’d love to have you stay for dinner.”

Shepard looked at Kaidan before answering, “That would be really nice, actually. I can’t cook and Ryan never makes it home in time.”

“Last name basis, huh?” Kaidan’s mom inquired, surprised that Shepard called his guardian by his last name.

“It’s an old habit. He was in the military with my dad. They called each other by their last names. I just happened to pick it up.”

“Oh, well that’s actually really sweet,” Kaidan’s mom pursed her lips as she thought about Shepard having lost both his parents. “Well, you are more than welcome to have dinner with us, whenever you want. Lord knows we owe Elijah for catching those vandals last year,” she said as she waved her hands. “And any friend of Kaidan’s is more than welcome.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Alenko,” Shepard replied before he looked back at Kaidan.

Kaidan smiled, gesturing his head towards a different row of apples, wanting to get as far away from the prying eyes and ears his mom and dad—mostly his mom because she had super hearing.

Time passed with them both laughing, tossing apples back and forth to one another, careful not to drop them. Before long, Kaidan’s mom was calling to them to come in for dinner, reminding them that they had lost track of the time.

“I wanted to thank you for having me,” Shepard stated as he sat down across the table from Kaidan.

“Thank you for offering to work,” Mr. Alenko replied, setting the napkin Mrs. Alenko forced into his hand in his lap.

“It’s sometimes just nice to have a home cooked meal, too,” Mrs. Alenko stated with a smile as she moved back and forth from the kitchen.

Kaidan watched Shepard as he easily conversed with his parents, winning them over completely. He was paying all his attention to Shepard that he didn’t hear his mother ask him a question. It was Shepard looking at him, offering a small smile that woke him up.

“Honey?” His mom’s voice woke him up.

“What?” Kaidan questioned as he turned to look at his mother. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he sheepishly confessed.

“I asked if you had anything planned for later. It is a Saturday,” Mrs. Alenko smiled at Kaidan, but he knew her ulterior motive was to get Kaidan out of the house.

“Uh, not really?” Kaidan questioned, looking over at Shepard to see if he had an answer that would satisfy his mother.

“Garrus invited us to a party at his house,” Shepard offered, looking from Kaidan to Mrs. Alenko.

“Garrus is the captain of the track team, right?” Mrs. Alenko asked as she sat down.

“Yes, ma’am,” Shepard replied, nodding his head. “His father is General Vakarian.”

“Ah, yes. We met him at one of the open houses, didn’t we Hank?” Mrs. Alenko asked as she looked down the table at Mr. Alenko. “Hank,” she sternly said his name when he didn’t respond, watching him focus on eating the food she had set on his plate.

“What?” Mr. Alenko looked up from his plate, looking at Mrs. Alenko.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Hank. I asked you if we met General Vakarian at the one of the open houses,” Mrs. Alenko explained with a sigh.

“I think so,” Mr. Alenko responded. He looked from Shepard to Kaidan before asking, “Do you boys have anything planned for tonight?”

Mrs. Alenko merely shook her head in response. “Shepard said about Garrus having a party.”

“Oh?” Mr. Alenko looked up at Kaidan before looking at Shepard. After a pause he stated, “That could be fun.”

“Really?” Kaidan sounded almost shocked that his father was vaguely approving of a party.

“I don’t think you going out once would end in disaster,” Mr. Alenko responded.

“Thanks, dad,” Kaidan held a slightly sarcastic note as he took a sip of his water.

“Oh, honey, we’re not saying you don’t do anything. You’re just not a social butterfly,” Mrs. Alenko explained as she placed a hand on Kaidan’s arm.

“I’ve been yoyo-ed back and forth between people debating who I’m going to hang out with,” Shepard began to break the Alenkos attention on Kaidan. “Socializing is overrated.” He offered a small smile to Kaidan.

“I’m sure that comes with the territory of being football captain,” Mrs. Alenko smiled.

“That and being the new kid,” Shepard explained. “For some reason, high school gets intrigued by new students.”

“Well, we’re glad you and Kaidan have gotten along,” Mrs. Alenko stated before looking at Mr. Alenko.

“Helen, leave them alone,” Mr. Alenko stated as he looked up from his food.

“I’m not bothering anyone,” Mrs. Alenko stated. “So,” she turned her attention back to the boys. “Tell me about Garrus.”

And that is how—Kaidan believed—he came to be driving Shepard and himself to Garrus’ party. He felt nervous to actually be going to a place where there would be a concentrated amount of his peers, away from the safety of limited adult supervision.

“I don’t know if I should be here,” Kaidan nervously admitted as he turned off his car’s engine in front of the empty-looking barn.

“Why not? I invited you,” Shepard replied as he began to open the passenger door.

“I know, it’s just …” Kaidan was hesitant to admit his reluctance to enter the party.

“Let’s try having fun. And if you _aren’t_ having fun, we’ll leave. Okay?” Shepard smiled.

“Okay,” Kaidan nodded before taking his keys out of the ignition. Exiting the car, he hugged his arms around his stomach as the cool November air nipped at him. He felt a warmth move across his back as an arm rested across his shoulder. He looked to his side to see Shepard beside him.

“I promise, okay?” Shepard said reassuringly as he looked at him. He moved forward, pulling Kaidan along with him.

Kaidan watched as several girls smiled and even winked at Shepard. He then noticed that none of them even recognized him much less acknowledged him. He felt strange having Shepard’s arm around his shoulders in public. It felt as if Shepard was making a statement by convincing Kaidan to come to this party. _Look at me, I have a nerd for a friend_ , Kaidan thought in his best Shepard impression.

“Shepard!” Garrus’ voice came from inside the barn once Kaidan and Shepard reached the opened doors.

Shepard slowly let his arm slip off of Kaidan’s shoulders as he walked over to Garrus. Kaidan followed Shepard’s lead as he entered the barn, looking at the abandoned stalls that now housed drunken teenagers. He scanned the area, spotting Liara and Tali standing near the keg. Liara waved to Kaidan, ushering him to come over. Kaidan began to head towards Liara when Miranda suddenly blocked his path.

“Kaidan,” Miranda said with a false smile.

“Miranda,” Kaidan replied, hiding his fear of her.

“How did you get here?” Miranda crossed her arms.

“I drove,” Kaidan retorted.

“Who invited—”

“I did,” Shepard stated as he stood next to Kaidan, resting his arm across his shoulders once again. “That’s not a problem, is it?” Shepard’s tone dared Miranda to contradict him.

Kaidan looked down out of awkwardness, feeling foreign eyes looking at them. He hated social interactions, and those with Miranda were by far the worst.

“No. No, of course not,” Miranda replied, almost sighing in defeat. She waved her hand in front of her before going to join the rest of the cheer squad and their boyfriends.

Kaidan knew Miranda was probably pissed, and Shepard was going to be the one thing that stood between him and a ruined life. Without another word, Shepard pulled Kaidan to the side, walking towards Garrus.

“You alright?” Shepard asked as he leaned toward Kaidan.

“Yeah. I love being preyed on,” Kaidan joked.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you again.” Kaidan looked at Shepard after his statement, a small warmth of comfort running through him.

“Kaidan,” Garrus greeted him by holding up a bottle of whiskey in a welcoming gesture. “Finally come out to play with the rest of us?”

“I was harassed,” Kaidan responded, looking at Shepard.

“I asked nicely,” Shepard replied, laughing slightly.

Kaidan felt at ease now that Miranda had backed off. Garrus was nicer than expected, and it helped Kaidan to deal with feeling out of place among Shepard’s friends. Shepard kept his arm across Kaidan’s shoulders as they conversed lightly with Garrus and other members of the football and track teams.

Kaidan felt a light hand touch his arm, causing him to look. Liara smiled when he looked at her. She motioned to the table the keg and other drinks were on. Kaidan smiled at her before turning to Shepard to say he’d be back. Shepard nodded to him as he took his arm off of Kaidan.

“So, what is going on with you two?” Liara asked, arching her eyebrows.

“Huh? Nothing,” Kaidan replied as they walked over to the drinks table.

“Nothing? I wouldn’t call his arm on your shoulders nothing,” Liara hugged Kaidan’s arm tightly. “You have to tell me all the details. Have you kissed yet?”

“What?!” Kaidan asked, startled by Liara’s straightforwardness.

“So, nothing has happened, has it?” Liara sounded disappointed. “I was hoping James and Steve wouldn’t be the only gay couple to grace the halls of Normandy High.”

“Wait, what?” Kaidan asked in disbelief. “James and Steve are dating?”

“Oops,” Liara winced, realizing she actually let one of her secrets slip. “I need to stop slipping,” she stated as she looked down at her solo cup.

“Wow,” Kaidan replied as he looked back at James and Steve standing next to Garrus. He noticed the way both their bodies pointed in towards each other, a small glance at one another every now and again. “You know, that makes sense. They’re always together.”

“James is afraid to break his grandmother’s hopes of having great grandbabies. Steve is unsure how his parents will feel,” Liara explained as she started to fill one of the solo cups with beer from the keg. She handed it to Kaidan before continuing her explanation.

Kaidan, however, barely listened to her as he looked back at the group, noticing that Shepard was no longer standing with them. He scanned the room, unable to spot him. He was so busy trying to find Shepard that he didn’t hear anything from Liara until she playfully smacked his shoulder.

“Huh?” Kaidan looked at Liara.

“I said, ‘You and Shepard look close as of late.’”

“He helped me pick apples with my parents.” Kaidan noticed light shine in Liara’s eyes as she looked overjoyed by his statement.

“That’s adorable,” Liara stated.

“Thanks,” Kaidan replied as he looked around for Shepard.

“What are you looking for?” Liara asked as she began looking around too.

“Shepard. I don’t know where he went,” Kaidan half responded, more invested in the whereabouts of the one person who really cared that he was there.

“Maybe he went outside,” Liara said.

“Maybe,” Kaidan replied.

“Anyways, come help me be a wingman for Tali. She has been drooling over Garrus for too long.” Liara took Kaidan by the hand, walking over to Tali’s awkward hovering spot by the group.

Minutes passed into almost half and hour when Kaidan started to panic slightly. He hadn’t seen Shepard since before talking to Liara and he was started to feel guilty for walking away. Excusing himself, he made his way out of the barn to search the grounds. He slowly strolled around the outside of the barn with his hands in his pockets.

Kaidan turned the corner of the barn to find a shadowed figure sitting on the pile of wood. He walked forward slowly, watching the figure for any sign of reaction. As he closed the distance between him and the figure, Kaidan finally realized that the shadow was Shepard.

Shepard was sitting on the pile of wood, hugging his bent knee to his chest. Kaidan walked closer when his foot kicked a glass bottle. Looking down, he realized it was the bottle Garrus had earlier, only now it was empty.

“Hey,” Kaidan said as he stood up straight.

“Where’s Liara?” Shepard asked.

“She’s inside.”

“So what are you doing out here?”

“I was worried about you,” Kaidan admitted. “You disappeared.”

“Worried,” Shepard scoffed.

“What’s wrong?” Kaidan finally asked as he took a step closer. “You’re acting … pissed off.”

“That’s a pretty good description of how I feel.” Shepard let his leg go, sitting forward some. “Why did you come out here?”

“Like I said, I was worried about you,” Kaidan restated.

Kaidan was surprised by how quick Shepard’s actions were as he grabbed his arm, pulling him forward as he stood up straight. They were close enough that Kaidan could smell the whiskey on Shepard’s breath. And for the first time he realized that Shepard was a few inches taller than him, making him much more intimidating in the dark.

“I’m sick of tripping over whatever this is,” Shepard admitted.

Kaidan’s heart began to pound, unable to get ahold of his senses. He tried to twist his arm out of Shepard’s grip only to feel him tighten his grasp.

“Leon,” Kaidan said his name softly. “You’re drunk. I should get you home.”

“No, I’m thinking straight for once,” Shepard responded as he pulled Kaidan back when he tried to turn away.

Kaidan placed his hand on Shepard’s chest, an attempt to place a small barrier between them. His hand slowly slid down some before his fingers enclosed around the fabric of Shepard’s shirt. At first, Kaidan was surprised as Shepard leaned forward. His mind began to race as he thought about what was possibly happening. He slowly shut his eyes as Shepard pressed his lips against his.

It took him a few moments to respond, but Kaidan kissed him back, opening his mouth when he felt Shepard’s tongue move against his lips. He could taste the faint flavor of whiskey on Shepard’s tongue, but everything felt too good for him to care. Shepard released his hold on Kaidan’s arm, his hand moving to cup the side of Kaidan’s throat. In return, Kaidan moved his freed arm to grab the back of Shepard’s jacket, clinging onto him as his head spun.

 _This is a dream! Any minute I’m going to be disappointed when my alarm clock goes off_ , Kaidan thought as his brain tried to discover an explanation. _Shepard would never kiss me._ The caress of Shepard’s thumb against his jaw was real enough to release a small, approving moan from deep in his throat.

Minutes passed, the rolling of their tongues eventually ending with Shepard pulling back from Kaidan, both of them panting heavily. Shepard rested his forehead against Kaidan’s as they both caught their breath, his thumb brushing against Kaidan’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan apologized. He wasn’t sure why, but he thought he needed to apologize before Shepard suddenly came to his senses.

“No,” Shepard shook his head a little. “I should be apologizing.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “I kissed you without asking if that’s what you wanted. I just couldn’t lie, not anymore. I’ve felt this way for a long time, Kaidan. Being jealous of you with Liara. Wanting to … kiss you.” Shepard brushed his thumb gently across Kaidan’s bottom lip, gently dragging his lips apart.

Kaidan wasn’t sure what happened when he leaned forward to kiss Shepard again. He wasn’t one to make a move, but he loved the feeling of Shepard’s lips against his. The feeling of his tongue against his. It was the only thing, in a long time, that felt right to Kaidan.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Kaidan tried to think about how his parents would act if they knew. How the other students would react. But he didn’t bother with any of those thoughts. _There’s always tomorrow,_ Kaidan thought. _Right now, this is all that matters_.

Both of them pulled away from one another when they heard footsteps coming around the barn. Kaidan released his hold on Shepard’s clothes before backing up a step to put room between them. He already felt cold from the loss of body heat and wanted nothing more than to be back in Shepard’s arms.

Kaidan looked at Shepard, noticing that he didn’t bother tidying his clothes, but merely stood there. He ran his thumb—the same one he ran over Kaidan’s lip—over his own lower lip. Shepard smiled a little to himself before looking up at Kaidan. Kaidan blushed under the look Shepard was giving him, feeling embarrassed at having kissed him.

It took Kaidan a moment to realize that the steps they heard were a pair. Both rounded the corner, one’s arm hanging over the other’s shoulders, and stopped when they saw Kaidan and Shepard.

“What are you doing back here, Loco?” James voice asked. Kaidan noticed James removing his arm from the other figure.

“We were here first. What are you two doing?” Shepard more demanded than asked as he stood straighter.

“Just walking,” Steve’s voice replied. Kaidan smiled to himself when he realized they came back here to catch a few moments of privacy.

“I was about to take Shepard home,” Kaidan said as he placed his hands back in his pockets, looking at Shepard.

Shepard gave Kaidan a ‘I’m-not-ready-to-leave’ look before Kaidan nodded towards where his car was parked. Shepard thought about the benefits of leaving versus staying and finally moved to put his arm over Kaidan’s shoulders. _This is his go-to move for tonight_ , Kaidan thought as he once again housed Shepard’s arm across his shoulders.

“Yeah, we were just leaving,” Shepard said as he and Kaidan started to walk away from James and Steve. “Have fun, you two.” Shepard received a rough yet playful shove from James. “Watch it.”

When they were both further away from James and Steve, Kaidan felt a strange awkwardness at what just transpired. _Did Shepard mean to kiss me? Or is he just drunk? Or is he just playing?_

“I don’t want to go home,” Shepard admitted when they reached Kaidan’s car.

“I guess we can stay,” Kaidan replied as he turned his body some to face Shepard.

Shepard shifted their bodies to entrap Kaidan between him and the car’s passenger door. Kaidan looked up at Shepard, a faint blush falling over his cheeks. They weren’t in complete darkness anymore, and there were plenty of people close enough that all they had to do was look in their direction to see them.

“Maybe I want to spend time with just you,” Shepard said as he reached a hand up to move a strand of Kaidan’s hair back into place.

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re the only person I’m interested in. Everyone else is self-absorbed. Plus, I just found out I can kiss you without you getting mad,” Shepard smiled as he leaned in to kiss Kaidan once more.

“PDA,” Garrus’ voice stated loudly once Shepard was close to kissing Kaidan.

Kaidan blushed intensely as he turned his face from Shepard, hiding himself from Garrus. Shepard groaned slightly as he straightened his body and looked at Garrus.

“Thanks for ruining the moment,” Shepard remarked as he let his hands drop from the car.

“It’s what I do,” Garrus replied as he closed the gap between himself and them. “Besides, you owe me a bottle of expensive whiskey.”

“It was your father’s, anyways. Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back,” Shepard said reassuringly.

“Fine,” Garrus waved his hand at them. “Go back to kissing Kaidan, I’ll see you both later.”

“Garrus,” Shepard called after him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep quiet, just like with James and Steve.”

“Does everyone know about them?” Kaidan asked Shepard as he watched Garrus’ retreating form.

“Apparently,” Shepard replied. “Anyways, we should go.”

Kaidan smiled to himself as Shepard uttered his typical goodbye. He moved around to the other side of the car. Shepard joined him in the car, resting his head against the back of the seat. Kaidan stole a glance at him before turning the key in the ignition.

Kaidan felt an uncomfortable silence fall between them as he drove towards Shepard’s house. Every now and again he looked at Shepard, seeing that his eyes were closed. When he finally stopped in front of Shepard’s house, he placed his hand on Shepard’s shoulder to wake him up.

“I’m awake,” Shepard responded.

“Oh, I wasn’t sure,” Kaidan replied. He leaned back into his seat, running his hands over the steering wheel as he waited for Shepard to say something.

“About tonight,” Shepard began as he stole a quick glance at Kaidan.

“It’s okay,” Kaidan replied quickly. “You weren’t thinking right.” He tightened his grip around the steering wheel, the feeling of butterflies fluttering in his stomach becoming worse.

Kaidan looked down at the hand he felt on his knee, noticing Shepard’s left hand resting there. He turned his head to look at Shepard, their eyes connecting before Shepard leaned in to kiss him once more. After a moment of brief hesitation, Kaidan closed his eyes slowly as he pressed into Shepard’s kiss.

Shepard broke their kiss when he felt Kaidan’s hand cover his own. He shook his head slightly before uttering, “I’m not drunk. Tipsy, maybe. But I’m thinking straight for the first time in a long while.” Shepard used his other hand to gently caress Kaidan’s cheek before continuing; “I’m just hoping you’re in the same place as me right now.”

“I think I am,” Kaidan replied after taking a deep breath.

Kaidan felt his heart quicken at the thought of being something closer than a friend to Shepard. It was Shepard’s confirming smile that made Kaidan realize that everything was happening as he always dreamed it would. Maybe he was dreaming, and he would be disappointed by the outcome when he woke up. _Right now is perfect though_ , Kaidan thought as he leaned back in to kiss Shepard once more.

Shepard ran his hand along Kaidan’s jaw before pulling back from him. He smiled briefly before turning to open the car door. “I’ll see you around?” Shepard asked as he leaned back into the car.

“Yeah,” Kaidan smiled in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is when things escalate into greater levels of intimacy. And I want to make a note now before I forget to clarify: both Shepard and Kaidan are of the age of consent. And communication is key, people. Next chapter will be up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains consensual, M/M sexual content. [This is the warning I promised I would give.]

A week passed since the party at the barn, a majority of the time they spent together was in class. Shepard was constantly preoccupied with football practice, while Kaidan focused on his studies. Much to Kaidan’s disappointment, they never talked about what happened at Garrus’ party and he was beyond too nervous to bring it up in conversation. He was finally able to ask Shepard about hanging out alone on Friday, and to his joy, Shepard agreed to come over for a quiet movie night. _When I thought this night would be quiet, I clearly didn’t think of who I was sharing it with_.

Kaidan sat on the opposite end of the couch, hugging his bent knee to his chest as he watched _Star Wars: A New Hope_ on the television. It took him a few moments to get over his shock that Shepard never saw a Star Wars film. He was excited to share one of his passions with Shepard, but he was also terrified that he was actually alone with ‘the object of his high school crushing’ as Liara put it. _I’m alone with Shepard, watching Star Wars, and as far away from him as possible. I’m the worst at dating_ , Kaidan thought as he stole a quick glance at Shepard.

Shepard appeared relaxed as he partially hugged one of the pillows against his chest. He was observing the television screen, releasing a low exhale of amusement at one of Han Solo’s remarks. _Shepard kind of looks like Han Solo_ , Kaidan began to think as he observed his side features. _Oh God, no! Stop placing your love of Harrison Ford on Shepard._ Kaidan quickly turned back to watching the television, trying desperately to not be discovered by Shepard.

Shepard looked over at Kaidan, smiling as he watched Kaidan silently mouth the lines. He looked at the empty spot in between them. He was tempted to close the space, but part of him hesitated out of fear that he might scare Kaidan. He looked at the DVD case resting on the coffee table in front of Kaidan.

Kaidan looked at Shepard as he stood. He offered a small smile when Shepard gave him a side-glance.

“Just wanted to look at the case,” Shepard explained, picking up the case before he sat on the edge of the cushion next to Kaidan.

Kaidan hugged his leg tighter against his chest, the feeling of butterflies welling up in his stomach. _I hate butterflies_ , he bitterly thought in resentment towards the feeling.

A few moments passed as Shepard flipped the case a few times in his hands, inspecting it in its entirety before setting it back on the table’s surface. He sat back into the couch, watching the television’s screen.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said his name gently enough that it didn’t catch him off guard.

“Yeah?” Kaidan turned his head to look at Shepard, prying his gaze from the television.

“You know that now would be a good time to make a move, right?” Shepard replied.

“A move?” Kaidan asked as a faint blush crept over his cheeks.

“If you want to,” Shepard partially shrugged as he looked at Kaidan. “I’m just letting you know, that making a move wouldn’t be a bad idea,” he slightly leaned closer to Kaidan as he spoke.

“Um—It’s not that I don’t want to … It’s—I’ve never …” Kaidan let his voice die down as he looked idly down at his feet.

“You’re cute when you get flustered,” Shepard stated in a low tone before he leaned in to kiss Kaidan’s cheek. His forehead lightly brushed against the side of Kaidan’s as his face hovered closely to his.

Kaidan turned his head to look at Shepard, unknowingly pressing their faces even closer together. He hesitantly reached his hand up to touch Shepard’s face, his fingertips gently caressing his jaw. The loud beating of his pulse in his ear drowned the audio of the film out. _Shepard’s lips … My lips are only an inch from Shepard’s!_ Kaidan’s mind began to race, uncertain what he should do. Shepard was waiting for him to initiate whatever a ‘move’ was—and Kaidan couldn’t even begin to define what a move really was. But Shepard was giving Kaidan the time he needed to process everything and make a move if he wanted to.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while,” Kaidan admitted as he gently bit his bottom lip in uncertainty, looking down at Shepard’s chest. “When we never talked about what happened at the barn, I thought you were too drunk to remember any of it.” The laugh that came from Kaidan’s chest sounded more nervous that he anticipated.

It was Shepard’s hand resting over his that calmed Kaidan. He looked up at Shepard, relieved to see a small smile gracing his features.

“I wasn’t drunk. I was more worried that I might have forced you into it. And I took the cowardly way out by not talking to you about it,” Shepard admitted.

“You didn’t force me,” Kaidan replied. “I just … I’m not good with expressing what I want. I … I really like kissing you,” he admitted.

“I like kissing you too,” Shepard replied with a smile. “And I’d never forget that kiss,” he reassuringly stated. He placed his other hand around the back of Kaidan’s neck. “And with you permission, I won’t forget this either.” His voice was almost inaudible as Kaidan nodded in compliance, leaning into Shepard.

And, for the first time in his life, Kaidan did not care about Star Wars the moment his lips touched Shepard’s. He didn’t care that his parents were in the house. All he cared about was the feeling of Shepard’s lips pressed against his. He ran his hands along Shepard’s jaw before they rested at the base of Shepard’s neck. His fingers idly played with Shepard’s hair, uncertain what to do.

Their kisses continued, rolling their tongues against one another. Shepard held Kaidan close, their bodies pressed tightly together as they shifted on the couch. Kaidan pushed into Shepard, slowly losing himself in their embrace. He partially moaned when Shepard’s hand brushed over the front of his pants.

“Let me know,” Shepard stated in between their kisses. “If it’s too fast.”

“Okay, but … not too fast,” Kaidan breathlessly stated against Shepard’s lips before he initiated another kiss. It was all new to Kaidan, but he was enjoying himself too much to be uncomfortable with anything when it came to Shepard. _I can’t think when he’s around_ , he thought as his hands rested against Shepard’s chest.

“Can I touch you?” Shepard’s voice was merely a whisper over the background noise of the film.

Kaidan blinked, trying to wake himself up now, certain he was dreaming about Shepard asking him permission to touch him. “Um, yeah,” he finally answered. “Can I …?” He gestured between them in an attempt to finish his question.

Shepard smiled as a small blush fell on Kaidan’s cheeks. He kissed Kaidan’s lips before making his way across his jaw. He took Kaidan’s hand in his own as he showed him where to touch. He felt Kaidan’s hand tremble as he gently bit down on his earlobe, applying enough pressure to drag a hitched noise of approval from Kaidan’s throat.

Kaidan’s face began to flush the moment Shepard’s hand began to caress him over his jeans. _It’s one thing to dream about Shepard touching me like this, but to actually feel it is completely different_ , he thought as he tried to move his hand in a similar manner to Shepard’s. Pride welled inside him when Shepard moaned into his neck, panting heavy as his own hand fumbled.

“Kaidan,” Shepard gently called his name before lifting his head to kiss him.

Kaidan kissed him back, trying to keep his mind clear enough to continue pleasing Shepard.

“Kaidan, sweetheart,” Mrs. Alenko’s voice called from the hallway as she came closer to the living room.

Shepard leaned back and looked at the door to the hallway. Kaidan unceremoniously rolled from underneath Shepard and loudly fell on the floor. Shepard looked down at Kaidan arching his eyebrow in question.

“What, mom?” Kaidan yelled back as he pulled his knees up to his chest to hide his obvious boner.

Shepard smiled when he realized Kaidan's reason for separating them. He leaned back on the couch as he simply placed a pillow in his lap. Kaidan looked at him and was somewhat annoyed that he didn’t think of that solution.

“I just wanted to let you two know that I’m heading out to meet Dad,” Mrs. Alenko announced as she walked into the living room, fastening the back on her earring.

“Wow,” Shepard said when he saw Mrs. Alenko. “You look really fancy, Mrs. Alenko,” he complimented.

“Oh,” Mrs. Alenko looked down at herself. “Thank you, Leon. Does it really look okay?”

“Mr. Alenko is going to have to beat men off with a stick,” Shepard playfully added.

“Aren’t you a charmer,” Mrs. Alenko said in a sarcastic tone.

As she walked over to the couch, fear took hold of Kaidan. _She is going to see everything and know that we were making out_ , he nervously thought.

“Can you clasp this?” Mrs. Alenko asked Shepard as she held out her charm bracelet and offered her wrist.

“Sure,” Shepard stated, easily clasping it around her wrist almost instantaneously.

“Wow, it usually takes my husband and Mr. Accident-prone over there a lot longer to do that,” she commented, much to Kaidan’s embarrassment.

“I have a lot of practice,” Shepard admitted with a small smile. “My mom likes wearing her charm bracelet when she and my dad go out.” He suddenly looked away from Mrs. Alenko. “Used to,” he corrected his word tense. “Sorry,” he partly sighed as he tried to forget it.

Mrs. Alenko didn’t say anything as she looked at Kaidan. She placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be sorry. And you don’t have to talk in the past tense if you don’t want to.” She smiled when Shepard looked at her.

The noise of stormtroopers shooting and dying in the background ruined the entire moment, making Mrs. Alenko look at the television. “I don’t know how you can watch these movies multiple times in a row, but you refuse to watch Fred Astaire movies with me,” she stated as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Because you always want to dance afterward,” Kaidan replied.

Shepard laughed slightly at the thought of Kaidan and Mrs. Alenko tap dancing.

“Anyways,” Mrs. Alenko announced, pulling her gloves out of her coat before slipping them on her hands. “I left some money on the kitchen counter, so you can buy some take out,” she explained. “Mr. Alenko and I aren’t going to be back for a while.”

Kaidan noticed she was ignoring him completely now. _My own mother is ignoring me in favor of Shepard_.

As if she heard Kaidan’s thoughts, she moved around the couch to kiss Kaidan on the head. “Your dad and I probably will go dancing or something,” she teased, walking back towards the door. “Oh,” she turned to look at Shepard as she remembered something she meant to say. “And if it gets too late, it’s fine if you sleep over. I’m sure Ryan wouldn’t mind. You two have fun. And don’t get in trouble,” she called back to them as she exited into the hallway.

Kaidan waited to hear the sound of the front door closing before he released a sigh of relief.

“Sorry about that,” Shepard commented, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t be,” Kaidan replied. “I was enjoying it. Just having my mom stumble in is kind of a damper on everything,” he gave a small laugh.

“Still a good first date?” Shepard inquired.

Kaidan looked up at Shepard before quickly looking away. He wasn’t sure if reacting with giddy joy was appropriate or not, but that was what he felt welling up inside of him. _A first date with Shepard. It’s happening. I’m dating Shepard_ , he smiled to himself.

“It’s pretty fantastic,” Kaidan finally stated.

Shepard smiled before asking, “It wouldn’t be too presumptuous, thinking that this is going to end well, to ask you about a second date?”

“Yes,” Kaidan replied quickly before he realized that he answered Shepard’s question wrong. “No! I mean ‘yes’ to the second date. ‘No’ to the presumptuous part.”

Shepard chuckled at Kaidan’s hurried explanation. “I’m glad you want to go on a second date.”

“I’m still shocked that you want to,” Kaidan stated, an awkward laugh erupting from his chest to try and make the snub at himself lighter.

“Why do you do that?” Shepard asked as he moved to sit on the floor with Kaidan.

“Do what?” Kaidan questioned.

“Make jabs at yourself,” Shepard explained. “I think you’re amazing, Kaidan. I just wish you could see that.”

“I guess years of being told you’re something …” Kaidan’s voice broke off as he looked at the floor, not wanting to look at Shepard.

“Convinces you that you are that something,” Shepard finished his statement. He reached his hand out, taking Kaidan’s chin in his hand, forcing him to look up at him. “I hope I can convince you otherwise.”

For once, Kaidan didn’t feel like he was under someone else’s judgment. When Shepard looked at him, it was full of endearment and a fondness Kaidan wasn’t used to. He faintly smiled before leaning in to kiss Shepard.

Shepard accepted Kaidan’s kiss, pushing into him as he rested his hand at the base of his neck. Their kissing continued, breaking apart whenever one of them was out of breath or switching position if one of them was uncomfortable. Kaidan was a little disappointed when they didn’t go back to touching one another, but kissing was nicer than he anticipated.

It was a wonderful night that Kaidan didn’t want to end. The movie long since ended when Shepard finally pulled back from Kaidan and checked the clock. He sighed in defeat and admitted to Kaidan that he had to make it back in time for his curfew.

“Living with a detective really sucks when you get caught for underage drinking,” Shepard explained.

“Ryan grounded you?” Kaidan asked, wondering how Shepard got permission to hang out with him. _Unless he defied Ryan’s punishment_.

“He permitted me to come and hang out with you,” Shepard reassured him. “He likes you and your parents. Unlike everyone else,” he chuckled a little as he rubbed his neck. “So,” he looked at the ground before finally looking up at Kaidan. “Was this okay?”

“Okay?” Kaidan asked, uncertain what Shepard meant.

“Spending time together. Kissing. Among other things we started doing,” Shepard inquired. “Because if you’re uncomfortable, let me know. We can always slow down.”

“Tonight was … perfect,” Kaidan admitted, unable to think of another word to describe the night’s events. “I actually like the how fast we’re going,” he confessed when he looked at Shepard. “Not that we’re going fast or anything. It’s a good speed.”

“Okay,” Shepard smiled. “I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go ice skating next weekend. Liara said that you actually really like to,” he explained.

“You asked Liara what I like to do?” Kaidan asked as he arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I cheated,” Shepard admitted. “Garrus wanted to do a group date for his first date with Tali,” he explained. “I suggested ice skating, so he’s getting Liara to somehow acquire the keys for the ice rink. To go after hours.”

“Illegal ice skating?” Kaidan knew his smile gave away his fake disapproval.

“I figured Ryan would only arrest me for trespassing. You can just blame it on my charm,” Shepard replied.

“‘I fell victim to Leon Shepard’s charms’ is an excuse that works often?” Kaidan wasn’t sure he wanted to know the real answer.

“You’d be the first person to find out,” Shepard admitted.

“Really?” Kaidan asked as he looked up.

“I had _a_ girlfriend.” Shepard watched Kaidan to see if he was disappointed. “Before the car accident.”

“You broke up with her when you moved?” Kaidan looked down at the floor again, certain that his eyes would give away being hurt by that fact.

“No. Before the accident. She just …” Shepard stopped himself, running his hand through his hair before continuing. “She was the most popular girl in school. I was the most popular guy. And so we became the most popular couple. It was stupid, really. We weren’t really happy together. There was nothing there. Not like this,” he admitted.

“You like being with me?” Kaidan asked, looking up before he could stop himself.

“I love being with you, Kaidan,” Shepard replied.

Kaidan swallowed the lump in his throat, bashfully looking away from Shepard before smiling to himself. “Then, ah, I’d love to go skating with you next weekend.”

~0~0~0~0~0~

“Is it okay that it’s not just us?” Shepard asked after they arrived. “Garrus said it was just him and Tali. I didn’t know about Joker and Edi.”

“It’s okay,” Kaidan reassured him. “Joker and I have been friends since middle school. Besides,” he looked over at Joker as he fidgeted slightly next to Edi. “Joker has liked Edi ever since she transferred here. I figured it would be nice to give them a chance. Joker does better in a group,” he explained as he continued to watch them, smiling when Joker made Edi laugh at something he said.

Shepard continued to watch Kaidan before he leaned in to whisper, “You’re a hopeless romantic, and it’s incredibly adorable.” He kissed Kaidan’s cheek before taking his hand and walking forward once Garrus got the door open.

Kaidan focused on Shepard, still feeling the presence of his lips against his cheek, wishing he had turned to kiss him. _Like a normal couple does_. He turned his head and noticed Tali was mouthing something to herself when he realized it was probably everything he told her earlier about how to ice skate.

Tali had nearly tackled Kaidan outside of Dr. Solus’ class and begged him to teach her how to ice skate. She went on a rant about how she couldn’t be a fool in front of Garrus, and that she didn’t want to be the helpless girl who doesn’t know how to do something so the guy has to help her. He remembered telling her to breathe and to try and remain calm. She looked over at Kaidan and smiled giving him a small thumbs-up before sitting down in the seats, waiting for Garrus to come back.

“You know, I’m pretty sure this is illegal,” Joker stated as he looked around at the empty rink once Garrus switched the lights on.

“Isn’t that what high school is about?” Edi questioned as she took Joker’s hand, walking towards the skating rink.

“I mean, sure, but, you know,” Joker tried to come up with something to say without focusing on the fact that Edi was holding his hand.

“I used the keys.” Garrus dangled the keys in his hand to emphasize his point to Joker. “It’s not like I used bolt cutters,” he stated as he handed Tali a pair of skates.

“ _That_ would have been illegal,” Shepard stated from his spot next to Kaidan. He looked over at Kaidan, noticing he had his skates on and already started lacing them up. “That was quick,” he commented.

“I’m Canadian. Ice skating is probably one of the only athletic things I can do,” Kaidan replied with a small smile.

“That’s one of us,” Shepard responded, hesitant to test his skills on the ice as he watched Kaidan finish lacing his boots.

“Have you never been ice skating?” Kaidan asked Shepard, curious why he would ask him to come when he didn’t want to be here.

“Oh, I’ve been,” Shepard replied, looking at Kaidan. “And I’ve spent a majority of the time on my ass.”

Kaidan smiled as he pictured Shepard falling down on the ice, the exact opposite of how graceful he was on the football field.

“Hey,” Shepard gave Kaidan a gently push. “Don’t smile as you picture me flailing about.”

“It’s cute,” Kaidan said in reassurance as he stood, walking out onto the ice rink before easily gliding in a circle, coming back to rest by the edge near Shepard.

“I’m glad you find my uncoordinated skating abilities funny,” Shepard stated, still not making a move to put on his skates.

“I didn’t say funny, I said cute,” Kaidan corrected him. “And maybe I’m just excited that I get to teach you something for once.” He leaned against the rink’s railing. “I’m sure you’re a quick learner.”

“We’ll see,” Shepard sighed in defeat as he began putting on his skate. He felt Kaidan watching him, and he was surprised that the uneasiness was back. He loved and hated that Kaidan made him clumsy. That he was the only person who made him this way. He stood, unsteady as he made his way to the ice. “If I fall on my ass, promise me you won’t laugh. I have terrible self esteem when it comes to trying new things,” he partially laughed.

“I won’t,” Kaidan honestly replied.

“I will,” Joker announced from his spot next to Edi.

“At least I’m trying it out,” Shepard replied.

“If you fall, you get a bruised ego. If I fall, I get a broken pelvis,” Joker retorted.

“Sorry,” Shepard genuinely apologized.

Joker waved a hand at Shepard, as if to tell him to forget about it. “Besides, I have the best company in the world,” he smiled as he looked at Edi.

“I agree,” Edi responded, smiling up at Joker as she interlaced her fingers with his.

Kaidan offered his hand to Shepard, an attempt to coax him out onto the ice. Shepard stood unsteadily on the skates, but he trusted Kaidan to help him the moment the blades touched the ice.

Kaidan eased himself backwards, holding Shepard’s hands to steady him. “You got it,” he stated in encouragement.

“I think I do,” Shepard replied with a small smile when he looked up at Kaidan.

Kaidan moved to glide beside Shepard, still holding hands with him. “Feeling more confident?” He asked as he watched Shepard become more at ease on his skates.

“Just don’t let go of my hand, okay?” Shepard gave a light chuckled as he remained fixated on his skates.

“Come on Kaidan, I want to see some of these skills I hear you have,” Garrus stated as he passed by them, skating backwards.

“Liara has been making up stories?” Kaidan asked as he looked from Shepard to Garrus.

“I’d love to see,” Shepard stated, giving Kaidan his signature smile.

“Alright,” Kaidan hesitantly replied, a small blush covering his cheeks. He waited for them to both stop moving before he released Shepard’s hand, moving across the ice to the end of the rink. He took a deep breath before skating forward, slightly gaining speed as he looked at Shepard. He felt a boost of esteem, knowing that Shepard was watching him. He was overjoyed when he was able to do an almost perfect death drop into a scratch spin. He was slightly panting when he dug his toe pick into the ground to stop himself, realizing that he hadn’t performed like that since he was a kid, but glad he could still do it.

Kaidan looked up when he heard clapping and a whistle. He saw Garrus and Tali both clapping, Joker and Edi were cheering from their spots in the seats. He shyly snuck a look at Shepard, noticing him smiling as he clapped.

“That was amazing,” Shepard stated as Kaidan got closer to him.

“It was alright,” Garrus replied, smiling when Tali elbowed him.

“I’d like to see you do that, Vakarian,” Tali stated.

“I’m more of a tangoing, javelin throwing kind of guy,” Garrus replied as he placed his arm over Tali’s shoulders, giving Kaidan a small smile to let him know he was joking with him.

“Don’t listen to Garrus. It was amazing,” Shepard stated.

“It was alright. I haven’t done that since I was 10,” Kaidan explained as he rubbed the back of his head. “I had to be good at something, right?”

“You’re good at a lot of things,” Shepard corrected him.

“Thanks,” Kaidan looked down between them as he tried to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Shepard moved forward, an attempt to close the gap between him and Kaidan so he could hold his hand. Kaidan was caught off guard when Shepard suddenly lost his balance and landed on his ass next to Kaidan.

Kaidan heard Joker’s burst of laughter before he was suddenly silenced— _no doubt by Edi_ —before he moved to help Shepard. Shepard cursed under his breath, feeling his ego injured more than his body.

Kaidan gave Shepard a reassuring smile when he offered Shepard his hand. Shepard hesitated before taking his hand, still feeling—much to Kaidan’s amazement—embarrassed. Kaidan mustn’t have braced himself properly, because when he tried to pull Shepard up, they both lost their balance, landing together in a mass of limbs. Shepard’s faint laugh put Kaidan at ease, who began to panic he somehow ruined the evening the minute his feet came out from under him. _Shepard was the one who fell first, anyways._ He slightly moved in an attempted to get his weight off of Shepard.

“Are you okay?” Kaidan asked, looking down at Shepard.

“Fantastic,” Shepard replied with a smile, propping his torso up as he rested his arms against the ice. “If this is a result of being bad at ice skating, I’ll take it.”

“Thanks for breaking my fall,” Kaidan replied, not trying to move as he accepted his spot sprawled across Shepard’s body. “I haven’t fallen since I was a kid, actually.”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad?” Shepard asked in response.

“What? No, I—” Kaidan cut himself off when he saw Shepard’s smile. “You’re a jerk,” he responded with a smile of his own.

“I know,” Shepard replied. “I just like seeing you fret over me,” he joked.

Kaidan wasn’t going to lie to himself. He knew he worried about Shepard, all the time to be exact. On some days, and he couldn’t even remember why, he worried that he wasn’t going to be able to spend time with him. He worried that Shepard would choose not to spend time with him. But every time, Kaidan was surprised when Shepard actively chose him over other people. _Over Garrus, his best friend_.

“I’m glad you enjoy it,” Kaidan responded. And then, for the first time in his life that he could remember, he didn’t care if other people were watching as he leaned in and kissed Shepard.

Shepard was surprised at first, but reacted quickly enough as he leaned forward, his hand gently cupping Kaidan’s cheek.

“Stop being disgustingly adorable,” Garrus announced as he and Tali glided passed them. Tali smiled at Kaidan as she held onto Garrus’ hand, overjoyed at how the entire night was unfolding.

Shepard smiled to himself when Kaidan pulled back from him to look at Garrus. He noticed the small blush creep over Kaidan’s face before he turned to smile at him.

“Sorry,” Kaidan mumbled as he started to stand up.

“Don’t be,” Shepard replied, taking Kaidan’s hand to stand up as well. “You can kiss me any time you want,” he stated, still holding Kaidan’s hand as he stood.

“Are you sure?” Kaidan asked, uncertain he heard Shepard correctly.

“Yeah,” Shepard replied, reaching out to hold Kaidan’s hand.

“Okay,” Kaidan nodded to himself, a bashful smile creeping across his lips. “Because, you can totally kiss me whenever you want, too.”

Shepard smiled, leaning in to kiss Kaidan. “Fair warning, but I always want to kiss you,” he admitted as he rested his forehead against Kaidan’s.

“Yeah,” Kaidan allowed a small laugh to creep up through his chest. “I kind of always want to kiss you, too.” He leaned in to kiss Shepard again, resting a hand against his chest as he leaned forward.

No matter what happened, that night was perfect, and knowing that nothing was ever going to change that overwhelmed Kaidan with joy.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan didn’t like lying to his parents about being with Shepard, but they seemed overly joyed at thinking that he was spending more time with Liara. He didn’t know how to tell them that he was dating Shepard and that Liara was just his friend.

Kissing became second nature to them both, a constant method they started to use for greetings and parting ways. Kaidan was hesitant to show any inclination of physical contact in public, frightened that someone besides their close friends might see them. Though nothing made him happier than being with Shepard, he still feared the sting of ridicule. He wanted to make sure Shepard never suffered the same hostility he once did. He cared about Shepard too much to risk it.

The feeling of Shepard’s fingers intertwining with his made Kaidan forget his previous line of thought as he looked down at their hands. He smiled to himself before looking at Shepard.

Shepard was smiling, as he looked up at the night sky, using his other hand as a headrest. The sky was clear enough to see the shooting stars fall across the backdrop of the night. No matter how many times Kaidan asked Shepard out, he always was nervous about actually spending time with him. He expected to wake up half way through their date, and be alone in his room.

Kaidan let his head fall back against the blanket focusing on the stars. Everything continually became harder to concentrate on as his mind drifted towards Shepard’s hand. Specifically, Shepard’s fingers. Kaidan shifted his legs, an attempt to stop the small wave of attraction moving through his body to settle in his crotch.

 _Don’t get a hard-on now!_ Kaidan mentally begged himself. _I really don’t want to be embarrassed in front of Shepard._

Kaidan was surprised when Shepard suddenly came into his view. He had shifted onto his side, resting his free hand on Kaidan’s chest before he leaned down to kiss him. Their kiss seemed to be endless, a constant continuum of tongues reacting to one another.

Shepard smiled as he pulled back from their kiss, moving his head to access Kaidan’s neck. He placed a small trail of kisses along Kaidan’s neck as he spoke. “You finally learned to kiss with your mouth open.” There was a hint of friendly teasing in his voice.

“I guess I just like making you work for it,” Kaidan retorted.

“I like a challenge.” They both smiled before leaning in to kiss once more.

Kaidan reached his free hand up to run along Shepard’s chest, an attempt to further commit to memory the outline of his body. He curled his fingertips into Shepard’s chest, causing him to moan slightly, making Kaidan blush in response. _I just made Shepard moan. I am not a complete failure_. Kaidan’s joy was short lived as his brain completely turned off when Shepard’s open palm stroked across the fly of his jeans.

Kaidan took in a sharp breath, a weak attempt to try and not completely lose it. He could feel his embarrassment changing his skin pigment to what felt like a permanent shade of pink, knowing that Shepard could now feel his oncoming erection, whether he wanted him to or not. It wasn’t the first time they did this, and by all means, Shepard asked him almost every time if he wanted to continue. That is, until Kaidan finally got the courage to tell him that he would inform him of anything that made him uncomfortable or if he wished to stop. _But God, I never want to stop this._

Kaidan recalled all the times they got this far in their make out sessions only to be interrupted by his parents or Ryan. He recalled the last time: they were on Shepard’s couch, he was straddling Shepard’s hips, shamelessly grinding against one another as they started to get their belts undone. As if equipped to ruin the moment, Ryan walked into the house, his footsteps prompting Kaidan to almost fall of the couch when he moved to get off of Shepard. It was Shepard’s quick reflexes and calm attitude towards Ryan discovering them that kept Kaidan from falling.

Shepard broke from their kiss to move down Kaidan’s throat, applying a small sucking pressure against his Adam’s apple. He continued to move his hand up and down the fabric, blatantly stroking Kaidan through his layers. Normally Kaidan would have felt like he could die of embarrassment at the entire situation, but whatever Shepard was doing felt too amazing to want to stop.

“Leon,” Kaidan accidentally called him by his first name as the pleasure got to him.

Shepard’s hand paused momentarily before he moved up to kiss Kaidan. Kaidan was surprised by the kiss, but disappointed that Shepard’s hand ceased to stroke him. He couldn’t count the number of times he had continued to fantasize about Shepard touching him this way, and to have it interrupted—like it always was—was agonizing.

For the first time since they began their kiss, Shepard released Kaidan’s hand from his as he shifted his body beside Kaidan’s. He used his now free hand to slide Kaidan’s glasses up into his hair, resulting in Kaidan opening his eyes. Kaidan didn’t have the worst vision problems, but it was impossible to make out the stars now. However, that didn’t matter to Kaidan. He could still see Shepard, whose face hovered above his as he observed him.

“I love your eyes,” Shepard commented before kissing him lightly.

Kaidan wasn’t sure if he could blush more than he already was, but the comment was too intimate for him to ignore. Shepard never outwardly expressed why he was interested in him, and part of that bugged Kaidan because he had an endless list of reasons he wanted Shepard. Kaidan reached his hands up to rest on Shepard’s back, an attempt to keep him close.

Shepard moved to drape his body over Kaidan’s as he placed one of his legs between his. Kaidan pulled back from their kiss when he felt something brush against his upper thigh. _Oh my God. Shepard’s hard_ , Kaidan thought in both disbelief and slight pride.

Shepard panted slightly as he rested his forehead against Kaidan’s. “Let me know, if this is too much or we’re going too fast. I just can’t help myself around you.”

Kaidan was glad he could see Shepard’s face, taking note of the ecstasy gracing his features. Without processing what he was initially thinking, Kaidan ran his hand from Shepard’s back to his chest before trailing his fingertips down his body. His hand came to cup Shepard’s hardening arousal. Kaidan noticed Shepard’s muscles tighten at the gesture as he took a sharp intake of breath before opening his eyes to look at him.

“I can’t help myself either,” Kaidan responded with a playful smile.

Shepard laughed slightly before leaning into kiss him, running his hand against Kaidan’s erection.

Kaidan’s head began to spin as he couldn’t believe he was laying on a blanket with Shepard, under a series of falling stars, both jerking each other off. _My fantasy is becoming a reality._ Nothing else mattered the moment they pressed into one another.

Kaidan’s free hand ran over Shepard’s as the button of his pants was undone. Kaidan’s teeth bit down on Shepard’s lip the moment he felt his fingers slide inside his jeans.

“Is it too much?” Shepard asked as he leaned his head back in concern.

“No. Just feels really good,” Kaidan replied with a smile.

Shepard smiled back, kissing Kaidan again as he continued to move his hand up and down. Kaidan attempted to keep his hand touching Shepard moving before he began to fumble, his pleasure skyrocketing.

“Shit,” Shepard muttered when raindrops began to slowly drop from the sky.

Shepard sat up some, pulling himself away from Kaidan. Kaidan attempted to bring his breathing down as he blinked his eyelids against the rain.

“Worst timing, ever.” Shepard stood up quickly, offering his hand to Kaidan.

Kaidan slid his hand into Shepard’s, excited by the renewal of close contact as Shepard pulled him up onto his feet. Shepard had grabbed the blanket and continued to hold Kaidan’s hand as they quickly walked up the hill to the overlook where the car was parked.

Once they were both in the car, Kaidan shifted in his seat as he focused on the fact that his seats were now going to be as soaked as they were. _My mom is going to want to know how this happened_ , Kaidan thought as he tried to think of an excuse. Shepard reached behind the seat to place the blanket in the back. He slowly peeled his leather jacket off as he leaned forward. Kaidan noticed that Shepard’s t-shirt had avoided the rain and was probably the only dry thing in the car.

Kaidan ran his hands against his arms as a cold shiver moved through his body. He was soaked, and the temperature was not cooperating at all. Unzipping his sweatshirt, he quickly discarded it before tossing it into the back seat to rest with the equally soaked blanket. Kaidan rubbed his arms a little harder, his body still cold even after shedding off a layer of wet clothes. _To go from 2 rd base to freezing in the car. My life sucks, _Kaidan bitterly thought. He hated the rain for ruining their moment.

“Here,” Shepard’s voice interrupted Kaidan’s thoughts.

“Huh?” Kaidan questioned as he turned his head to look at Shepard. Shepard’s arm was outstretched to Kaidan, his hand holding up his leather jacket.

“I’m half dry, at least. You must be getting cold,” Shepard responded with a small smile.

“No!” Kaidan said in an overly anxious voice, causing Shepard to lean back some. “I mean. Sorry,” he sighed. _I’m such a dork_. “It would be weird to wear your jacket.”

Kaidan looked at Shepard, noticing him look away. He was certain he could see disappointment flicker across his face.

“Not weird. That’s not what I meant,” Kaidan groaned. “It’s just … It’s _your_ leather jacket.”

“And _I’m_ offering it to _my_ boyfriend because he’s cold.”

Kaidan felt his facial expression loosen to one of bewilderment. He felt his heart tighten as heat ran up his body to his face. _Shepard just called me his boyfriend._ His _boyfriend_.

“You just called me your boyfriend,” Kaidan stated.

“Is that a problem?” Shepard asked, sounding uncertain now that Kaidan repeated it.

“No! You just … I just never thought I’d hear that. Especially coming from you.” Shepard arched his eyebrow at Kaidan’s statement. “Oh God. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that I never thought someone I have a crush on would call me their boyfriend.” Kaidan’s eyes widened as he realized he just admitted to having a crush on Shepard. “I’m so embarrassed now. I’m just going to shut up.” He quickly took Shepard’s jacket from him, sliding it on with ease before pulling it tightly around his body.

“Don’t,” Shepard laughed. “You’re adorable,” he said as he leaned in to kiss Kaidan.

Kaidan turned his head to allow Shepard better access to his mouth, all in the hope that they would continue their previously interrupted activities. He turned his body toward Shepard, placing his arm over the steering wheel to allow his body room. _Whoever invented cars did not care about people making out_.

A small moan escaped Kaidan’s throat when Shepard’s palm found its way back to his crotch. He felt Shepard’s fingers brush against his arousal as they undid the button and zipper of his jeans.

Shepard pulled back from Kaidan, causing him to try and lean forward. Shepard’s hand on Kaidan’s chest however pushed him back until he was leaning up against the driver’s door. At first, Kaidan was confused and somewhat disappointed that they stopped kissing, his lips longing to be reunited with Shepard’s. He felt his face redden as Shepard’s hands pushed the band of his briefs down enough to expose his cock.

“Shepard,” Kaidan barely whispered, his voice laced with longing.

Shepard quickly leaned in to kiss Kaidan for reassurance before leaning his head down into his lap. The minute Shepard’s mouth touched Kaidan’s arousal, Kaidan’s arm slipped from its resting place on top of the steering wheel, loudly hitting the horn.

“Sorry,” Kaidan muttered, still shocked that Shepard’s mouth had enveloped him.

A low yet amused laughed radiated from Shepard’s throat, vibrating through the tip of Kaidan’s cock. Kaidan jerked forward, his mind racing as he tried to get his bearings while Shepard sucked him off.

Kaidan’s breathing increased, becoming heavier as the warmth in his body grew. He suddenly became aware of Shepard’s hands stationed on his lower back as they slid down to cup his butt. Shepard lifted Kaidan’s pelvis with ease, pushing his cock deeper into his mouth. The feeling of Shepard pressing him onto the entrance of his throat was driving Kaidan crazy.

Kaidan tightened his grip in Shepard’s hair as his hips rocked back and forth to a fractured rhythm. His mind was racing as he thought of nothing but Shepard, loving the feeling of being held this way. The thought of Shepard’s mouth against him in this way was overwhelming his senses. His toes began to curl the minute his climax began to draw near, his voice cracking as he tried to give Shepard a vocal warning.

“Leon!” Kaidan cried out as Shepard rolled his tongue around his tip. “I’m … Come … Can’t stop …” He could barely think straight as he tried to vocalize his oncoming orgasm through a fractured chaining of breathless words.

Shepard made what sounded like an approving moan as he continued to work his mouth around Kaidan. He almost laughed at Kaidan’s weak attempt to pull his mouth off of him. He knew Kaidan was close, feeling a tremor run through his body as he held his hips in place. Kaidan’s hands had moved to grip Shepard’s shirt between his shoulder blades tightly. His voice cracked in a loud moan, his back arching slightly as he came.

Kaidan’s body went limp, the tension leaving his muscles as his head gently fell back against the window. Shepard watched Kaidan’s features as he released him, slowly sitting up. He ran his hand over his mouth, an attempt to wipe away all evidence that he had just sucked off a now euphoria riddled Kaidan.

Once he gained his senses after a few moments, Kaidan sat up straighter as he pulled the elastic band of his briefs up to cover himself. His fingers fumbled with his zipper and buttons before Shepard reached over and helped him.

“Not going to lie, I kind of just want to take all your clothes off now,” Shepard whispered in a flirtatious tone.

“I really want to do that to you,” Kaidan replied as he leaned in to kiss Shepard.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said as he leaned back from the kiss. “I just—”

“I don’t care.” Kaidan pushed himself forward the rest of the way to kiss Shepard. He actually didn’t care that Shepard had just given him a mind-blowing blowjob before swallowing. To be honest, it probably turned him on more than anything.

Kaidan was ecstatic once Shepard kissed him back, feeling the small tug of his fingers running through his hair. He ran his own hand down Shepard’s body before resting on the zipper to his pants. His lips began to follow as they trailed down his body, causing Shepard’s fingernails to alter between aggressive diggings and gentle massaging of his scalp.

Kaidan was about to undo the zipper of Shepard’s pants when Shepard stopped him. Part of Kaidan feared that he had changed his mind, not only about this, but about them.

“What the hell?” Shepard more stated than asked as he noticed the reflection of red, white, and blue lights blinking in the rearview mirror.

Kaidan sat up at Shepard’s comment, noticing the lights as the cause for his statement. His stomach started to knot as he noticed the lights belonging to a cop car. _We’re going to jail_ , Kaidan immediately thought.

“Oh my God.” Kaidan sat back in his seat before he placed his hands on the steering wheel. “You don’t think my parents found out I wasn’t at Liara’s and called the cops, do you?”

“Calm down,” Shepard reassuringly stated as he placed his hand on Kaidan’s knee. “Ryan would have called me if there was a missing person’s report for you.”

“But—”

“We didn’t do anything wrong. Just act like that and we’ll be fine.” Shepard pulled his hand from his knee as the cop walked up to Kaidan’s window.

Kaidan quickly rolled his window down, stray raindrops hitting his arm caused him to lean away from the window. He gave the officer a small smile, only to be greeted by the bright glare of a flashlight. He turned his head down as he squinted his eyes. “Good evening, officer.” Kaidan tried to sound as innocent as possible.

“Good evening, boys,” the officer replied as he lowered his flashlight. “Got a call about a parked car here.”

“Well, we were just parked so we could see the shooting stars,” Kaidan replied, pointing through the windshield to the sky.

The officer looked to where Kaidan pointed before looking back at them. He was about to say something when a look of recognition crossed his face. “Hey, aren’t you Leon Shepard? Ryan’s new kid?”

“His godson,” Shepard responded as he placed his arm across the back of the seat, just behind Kaidan’s shoulders, to lean closer.

“Look, I’m sure Ryan wouldn’t appreciate you doing anything illegal.”

 _What the hell does that imply about me? I’m the stickler for rules!_ Kaidan was irritated that Shepard was coming off as the law-abiding teenager when in reality he was the least likely to obey any rules. _Like when he didn’t listen to me in Bio and nearly set Dr. Solus on fire._

“We were waiting to meet someone, then we were going to plan where to view the stars from there,” Kaidan interrupted.

“Oh. Girlfriends, huh?” The cop sounded sincere and understanding.

“Yeah,” Kaidan nodded in response, grasping at the cop’s assumed understanding.

“Alright. Think of this as a verbal warning. Just make sure you are gone as soon as the girls show up.”

“Of course. Thank you, sir.” Kaidan smiled when the cop gently tapped the end of his flashlight against the door. “Have a good night,” he called to the cop’s retreating form as he rolled the window back up. He watched the cruiser slowly reverse before taking off down the hill before he let out a deep sigh. “That was close,” Kaidan stated as he leaned back into his seat.

Shepard didn’t respond to Kaidan’s comment, folding his arms in discomfort. Kaidan looked over to him, noticing the tension in his body.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Shepard replied without looking at Kaidan.

“How come every time you say you’re fine, it sounds like you’re upset?”

“Maybe because every time I say I’m fine, I’m not fine. _Maybe_ I’m mad at the fact that we’re both apparently waiting for our girlfriends.” The anger in Shepard’s voice was apparent now, and it made Kaidan feel guilty about copping out.

“I didn’t mean that,” Kaidan said as he turned his body to face Shepard. “I said that to get him to leave.”

“You do this all the time, Kaidan.” Shepard continued to stare forward, refusing to look at him. “I can’t put my arm around you in public, anymore. Can’t even hold your hand, forget about kissing you.”

“I just … I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.” Kaidan winced once he said those words, knowing it sounded completely different than what he meant.

Shepard scoffed loudly in response. “How is that the wrong idea? I thought we were dating.”

“We are. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Did I or did I not just give my _boyfriend_ a blowjob?”

Kaidan winced at how Shepard spoke. He felt like his tone was implying a merely sexual relationship between them. _Like what just happened meant nothing._ “Please don’t act like this. You know I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Then what? What is the problem?”

“I just don’t like PDA,” Kaidan stated as he tried to reason with himself more than with Shepard.

Shepard shook his head in response, and Kaidan knew he was pissed. But it was more than just Shepard being pissed. He could tell he was hurt and upset. And he didn’t know how to fix it.

“Whatever,” Shepard uttered as he turned his head to look out the window.

“Leon,” Kaidan said as he reached out to touch his arm. Before he could, Shepard jerked his arm away from his touch. He slowly recoiled his hand away from Shepard, knowing that he messed up. _This isn’t the end. It can’t be. We’ll talk about it later … won’t we?_ He was afraid that Shepard would want to break up with him now.

“We better get going, or you’ll have to make another lie about being out with Liara.” The bitterness in Shepard’s voice made Kaidan’s stomach churn.

Kaidan turned his head to look out his own window in an attempt to hide his face. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, an attempt to stop the tears from forming. He inhaled quickly through his nose, recalling what pre-teen Liara told him to do to prevent crying in public. _Don’t cry, not in front of him_.

Kaidan turned the key in the ignition, allowing the car to idle slightly before shifting gears and applying his foot to the gas petal. He hated the silence that hung between them, causing him to creep over the speed limit a little. As he pulled over in front of Shepard’s house, he hoped that maybe he’d talk to him now. When Shepard reached for the door handle without saying anything, Kaidan felt like he was going to throw up. _He’s going to leave without saying anything_. _He hates me now. Say something!_

“Can we talk?” Kaidan’s voice almost squeaked, begging when Shepard had one foot out of the door.

“I don’t really feel like talking right now.” Shepard kept his head turned away from Kaidan, refusing to look at him since their interaction with the cop.

“Please?” Kaidan’s voice cracked as he pleaded with Shepard to not leave without talking.

Shepard hesitated before shaking his head. “I’ll see you around,” he utter quickly as he got out of the car.

Kaidan tried to make a protest, only to be greeted by the passenger door slamming in his face. He felt a sob growing in his throat as he tried to force it down. He wanted to make it home before he broke down crying. After a minute of trying to calm himself down, he started his drive home. He only made it half way before he had to pull over. He placed his head against the rim of the steering wheel as he cried. His body shook sporadically as small sobs made their way through his stomach to his throat.

 _He hates me_. Kaidan repeatedly told himself, only making himself cry more. It wasn’t until he tried to wipe his tears away with his sleeve that he noticed he still had Shepard’s leather jacket on.

What Kaidan didn't realize was that the moment Shepard made it into the safety of his home, the mask he put on shattered. He slammed his back into the door as he stared into the silent emptiness of the house. He knew he probably made Kaidan cry, but the hole in his chest started to grow. He felt sick when he thought about the way Kaidan jumped at pretending they weren't a couple. It was one thing to wait and tell his parents, but different about a stranger … wasn't it? Wasn't he good enough for Kaidan to be proud of? He bumped his head against the door when he felt the tears starting to form.

 _Don't cry, don't fucking cry_ , Shepard repeated to himself. But it was too late. He ran his hands over his face as he started to cry, the strength leaving his legs as he came to sit against the door, his fingers pulling at his hair as he let out an angered yell. “I fucked up. I fucked up,” he repeated to himself. _I always let down the people that matter. I'm fucking useless._ “I'm sorry, Kaidan, I'm so fucking sorry.” He wanted to fix it, but he didn't know how to.

An hour must have passed before Shepard realized he wasn't able to cry any more. He felt numb when he finally trudged upstairs to his bedroom, knowing no matter how much he hurt and licked his wounds, nobody but Kaidan could fix it. But he was afraid to admit the truth: he was scared shitless to face Kaidan, in case he was going to confirm his worst fear and tell him he never intended to be a couple. And _that_ was the one thing Shepard couldn't bear to live with.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some "descriptive" (again, consensual) sexual M/M content. You've been warned, now, enjoy~

Kaidan closed himself off from the world for the rest of the weekend. Liara’s texts had become increasingly hostile, threatening to kill him if he wasn’t already dead for making her worry. He hid Shepard’s jacket in his closet, an attempt to hide it from his parents and himself.

It took him a good ten minutes sitting in the parking lot before he mentally prepared himself to go into school on Monday morning. He took a deep breath as he approached his locker, hoping that he would see Shepard waiting there for him. Part of Kaidan wanted Shepard to be there so he could grab him and kiss him, uncaring about witnesses. The other part of Kaidan was terrified of Shepard being there because he felt that way. _Anyone could see … But I care about Shepard, so why does that matter?_ Kaidan pushed those thoughts away as he reached his locker. For the first time in months, Shepard was not here to greet him and it saddened him.

“I just think the theme of the prom should be left up to our entire grade, not just the student council,” Miranda’s voice came loudly through the hallway.

 _Of course you think that,_ Kaidan thought as he swapped books out.

“Aren’t you on the student council?” Shepard’s voice responded.

Kaidan felt his stomach clench as he realized Shepard was with Miranda. He came to school early enough to be spotted by Miranda. Kaidan held onto the door of his locker, afraid to look down the hallway. He slowly turned his head, only to meet with a deplorable sight.

Shepard was leaning against the lockers next to Miranda’s. His foot rested against the locker, making him appear at ease. _That’s how he always stands at my locker_ , Kaidan thought, his jealousy growing. Miranda looked at Shepard before running her well-manicured fingers along his chest. _She’s doing that on purpose. She knows I can see them!_ Kaidan tried to remain somewhat hidden behind his open locker. His eyes widened as he realized Shepard wasn’t stopping her like he normally did. _Why isn’t he stopping her? No_ … _He’s not dating her_ , he tried to convince himself as his entire world began to crumble.

“That’s besides the point. Speaking of prom though,” she smiled as she closed her locker. “You haven’t asked me yet.”

“That’s being presumptuous,” Shepard replied. “It’s next semester anyways.”

“Well, after hanging out yesterday, I just assumed you would be asking soon,” Miranda smiled. Kaidan really felt like he was going to be sick now. _Shepard went on a date with Miranda? But he hasn’t even broken up with me yet … Hasn’t he?_ It looked like Miranda was starting to lean in to Shepard when Kaidan suddenly slammed his locker loudly.

Both Miranda and Shepard looked in Kaidan’s direction. Shepard stood up straighter while Miranda draped her arm over his shoulder to rest her hand on his chest. Kaidan kept his head down before he turned his back to them, quickly walking down the hallway away from them.

“Rude much?” Miranda called after Kaidan loudly.

Something in Kaidan snapped, making him turn around. He attempted to respond, but once he made eye contact with Shepard, his words caught in his throat. _He dumped me. This is him breaking up with me. He did dump me on Friday. He dumped me for Miranda. For perfect Miranda Lawson … I think I’m going to vomit._ Kaidan turned back around before making his way into another hallway. He desperately didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to see Shepard with Miranda. And he knew he shouldn’t abuse the excuses his migraines allowed him to make, but he didn’t care now. He was going to fake the biggest migraine he could think of and stay home until he died.

“Kaidan!” Liara’s voice yelled from behind him.

“Liara?” Kaidan asked as he turned to look at the person stomping their way over to him.

“I have been worried sick! What is going on?” Liara asked angrily as she stood in front of him.

“Sorry,” Kaidan apologized. “Something happened on Friday.” He looked down at the ground, desperate to not relive the moment Shepard got out of the car.

“What? What happened?” Liara asked in a concerned tone, all her anger disappearing. “Is that why Shepard is letting Miranda hang on him?” When Kaidan didn’t answer, Liara’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

“You want to skip with me?” Kaidan asked.

Liara looked around, before smiling slowly. “We can sneak out the side entrance,” she said as she hooked arms with Kaidan.

It didn’t take Kaidan long to explain the details about what happened Friday night. Liara continued to look away from the road to look at Kaidan in shock every time he revealed an event. He had to beg her to keep her eyes on the road.

Liara had dragged Kaidan into Victoria’s Secret the minute they entered the mall. She loved to joke that maybe there was something he could get. That and she loved having his opinion. “You’re telling me that he called you his boyfriend then treated you like that?” Liara sounded angry.

“That was before I upset him,” Kaidan commented.

“That’s like victim blaming.”

“Liara,” Kaidan responded in a warning. _She is so quick to think of me as a victim._

“It is! He shouldn’t have gotten that upset. It’s a lot to declare you are homosexual, even in this day and age. Not everyone makes it. Look at my moms.”

“I know. I think Shepard knows that, but he was just … hurt. I think he thought I was implying we weren’t … a couple. I messed up and said it right after he gave me a bl—” Kaidan cleared his throat the minute he realized he was about to tell Liara, the mistress of all secrets, what Shepard gave him a blowjob.

“Oh my God! You guys hit 3rd base?!” Liara exclaimed in excitement.

“Keep it down!” Kaidan harshly whispered as he looked around. “Ugh, I wasn’t going to tell you that.”

“Why not?!”

“Cause of the way you’re acting.”

“I’m sorry, but I am proud of you.”

“It’s also why I feel so bad for saying what I did. It was taking a big step, and I kind of ruined it. And now this happened,” Kaidan shifted in the seat, feeling uncomfortable being the only visible guy in Victoria’s Secret.

“Look,” Liara opened the door to her changing room as she spoke. “You’re my best friend, and I love you. But you need to stop apologizing all the time. That damn Canadian manner of yours is what gives you such low self-esteem.”

Kaidan looked up at her before looking around the changing room. “You realize you are in jeans and a bra right now, right?”

“Huh?” Liara looked at herself. “Oh, yeah. It’s like a bikini top, right? Anyways, is this cute?” She pointed to the bra in question.

“You’re asking the wrong sexual orientation,” Kaidan muttered.

“Funny,” Liara stated with a sarcastic expression as she closed the door once more.

Liara’s ringtone began to go off. Kaidan fished through her bag as The Pierces’ “Secret” played loudly.

“You have a text.”

“Who from?”

“Garrus …” Kaidan replied in surprise.

“Oh! Open it,” Liara stated.

Kaidan hesitated, afraid of whatever secret the text might hold. He cautiously pressed the ‘view now’ button.

‘Where are you? What the hell is going on with Shepard and Kaidan? If I have to deal with Miranda for one more minute, I’ll kill myself. There are only so many things I can say I need to calibrate before people start getting suspicious as to what calibrate means.’

_Shepard’s still hanging out with Miranda? Are they dating?_

“Do you think Miranda and Shepard are dating?” Kaidan asked as he stared at Liara’s phone.

“What?” Liara asked as she stepped out of the changing room in her clothes.

“I think Shepard broke up with me,” Kaidan replied as he looked up at Liara. He could tell that he probably looked pathetic just by the look on Liara’s face.

“Oh, honey,” Liara sat next to Kaidan, hugging him as she looked at the text message from Garrus on her phone.

“I … I think I … love him,” Kaidan responded as he took a deep breath.

“I’ll check my contacts for info. Don’t jump to conclusions. He’d probably being an ass and hanging out with Miranda on purpose.” Liara placed her chin on Kaidan’s shoulder as she watched his features. She could tell he was still not convinced. “Let’s get fro-yo and people watch.”

Kaidan looked up at Liara as she stood, offering him her hand. She pulled him up, wrapping her arm around his waist as they started walking. Kaidan placed his arm around Liara’s shoulders as they walked.

“I still have his leather jacket,” Kaidan stated as they walked through the mall.

“A bargaining chip,” Liara replied with a small laugh.

“Yeah,” Kaidan replied with a frown. “Maybe I should give it back to him. We were bound to break up, anyways.”

Liara stopped walking, taking her arm from around Kaidan’s waist. He turned to look at her, facing a very shocked and judgmental expression.

“We were. He’s out of my league. I’m a nerd, he’s a jock. He’s really attractive, I’m—”

“Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?” Liara asked as she placed her hands on her hips. “You are clearly attractive. Especially to Shepard. You know, the guy who gave you a blowjob in a car on Friday.” Kaidan placed his palm up to his face in an attempt to cover his blush. He knew telling Liara was a mistake. “Maybe we just need to make him see how attractive people really find you,” Liara smiled as she turned to look at the different stores ahead of them.

“No. I refused to do your makeover freshman year, I won’t do it now.”

“But now you want someone to feel bad for letting you go, right? We’ll just be playing the same game as him now.”

“I should have never told you,” Kaidan stated before he allowed Liara to drag him to the other stores.

~0~0~0~0~0~

“Get out of the car, Kaidan.” Liara was standing by the driver’s door of Kaidan’s car.

“I think I should go home and change. Take my contacts out, at least.”

“You look fantastic. Now come on.” Liara opened Kaidan’s car door for him, pulling him by the arm.

“My mom did a double take this morning. Clearly I look strange.” Kaidan looked around the parking lot to make sure no one was looking.

“Did she say that?” Liara asked as she crossed her arms.

“No … She said I looked handsome,” Kaidan replied in defeat.

“Good, now come on,” Liara said as she pulled Kaidan towards the school.

Kaidan groaned inwardly as he made his way through the school’s entrance, butterflies welling up in his stomach as he thought about everyone’s reactions. _What will Shepard think?_ He looked down at himself, a little shocked that he was wearing, what he could surmise as, faded designer jeans and a plain navy blue v-neck shirt. _I feel like I’m copying Shepard_.

“Maybe I should have kept my glasses on,” Kaidan commented as a few students did double takes at him.

“What is the point of you having contacts if you never wear them?” Liara responded. “Besides, that wouldn’t change the fact that you got a new hair style and you are freshly shaved,” she said as she touched his hair. Kaidan playfully smacked her hand away. “It also doesn’t change the fact that secretly, under your sweatshirts, you have a rather nice body,” she poked at his ribs, causing him to shy away from her.

“Stop it,” Kaidan stated, crossing his arms over his chest. He wouldn’t lie to himself. He liked the way he looked, but he felt like it wasn’t his styles. He felt like a fish out of water.

“T’Soni!” A male voice called from down the hall. “I have a bone to pick with you. Why didn’t you answer my texts? I am being driven mad by Shepard and Miranda,” Garrus stated as he closed the gap between the three of them. “Hey Kaidan.” Garrus motioned a ‘hello’ gesture at Kaidan before looking back to Liara.

“Garrus, I was busy,” Liara stated as she motioned towards Kaidan.

Garrus looked at Kaidan once again before stepping back some to get a better look. “Damn, girl, you changed him.” He looked up at Kaidan before adding “In a good way.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Kaidan wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult.

“I am trying to fix your Miranda problem. Drive Shepard crazy with Kaidan,” Liara arched her eyebrow as she spoke, waiting for Garrus to fill in the rest of her plan.

“Shepard tosses Miranda to the curb and chases Kaidan’s ass again.” Garrus smiled to himself. “Blue, you are a genius.”

“I’m glad I am seen as ass bait,” Kaidan commented.

“You have a nice ass,” Liara stated.

“You do. I’m pretty sure Shepard holds it in high regard. He stares at it enough,” Garrus side commented.

“Where is Shepard?” Liara asked in an innocent tone.

“Well, Miranda probably has him on display by her locker right now.”

“Thank you,” Liara replied as she pulled Kaidan along with her.

“I want to see this,” Garrus called after her as he followed them.

Kaidan felt his stomach flip as he thought about seeing Shepard while he was dressed like this. Shepard would either love it or hate it. Or worse, he’d be indifferent. Without a warning, Liara shoved Kaidan into the hallway, leaning against the corner. He looked back at her, receiving an ushering in the form of her mouthing ‘Go. NOW.’ Garrus offered encouragement in the form of a small ‘thumbs-up’ as he stood by Liara.

Kaidan took a deep breath before he started walking towards his locker. He placed his hands in his pockets as people began to stare at him. _I look good. I look good. You aren’t ugly._ It took a lot of reassuring that attention like this was positive. _How does Shepard do this?_

Kaidan caught sight of Miranda standing by her locker. His heart sunk when he noticed that Shepard wasn’t with her. _All of this for nothing,_ Kaidan thought as he opened his locker. He wanted to strangle Liara for making him do this. He felt like he dressed up for some event, only to arrive and realize it was cancelled.

“There you are!” Miranda’s voice stated loudly from down the hall.

“What?” Shepard’s voice responded in a distracted tone.

“I’ve been worried. I didn’t see you last night.”

“I had homework,” Shepard’s voice sounded monotone.

 _Shit, he’s here. Now I have to go through with him seeing me like this_ , Kaidan hit his head gently against one of the shelves on the inside of his locker.

“Why do homework when you could do something fun?” Miranda asked, her tone stating ‘why-do-homework-when-you-could-do-me?’ as she placed a hand on Shepard’s chest.

_Again. Always with the hand on the chest._

_That’s it. Get off my boyfriend_ , a little voice in Kaidan’s mind stated as he suddenly slammed his locker. He wasn’t sure what came over him as he started to walk over to Shepard and Miranda, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to control it.

“Hey,” Kaidan interjected whatever Miranda was about to say to Shepard as he stood in front of them.

Shepard looked at Kaidan, standing up straight when he realized it was him. His eyes looked him up and down, looking surprised and a bit shocked.

“Wow, I see Liara finally managed to make you over,” Miranda replied as she placed her arm over Shepard’s shoulder once more.

“Not here to talk to you,” Kaidan stated without looking at her. _Don’t hit her hand off him. Don’t hit her hand._ “I have your jacket still,” Kaidan finally uttered as he continued to look at Shepard.

“That’s where I left it, huh?” Shepard responded in an attempt to sound uncaring.

“I’ll drop it off at your house then.” Kaidan turned away from them both to walk down the hallway. He couldn’t believe that he managed to hint at an intimate relationship between him and Shepard in front of Miranda. _I can’t believe I was able to retort one of Miranda’s snips_.

Kaidan’s victory was short lived the moment he felt a hand grab his upper arm and drag him backwards. Everything happened so fast that Kaidan could barely make out the fact that he was in the janitor’s closet with someone. It didn’t, however, take long for him to register that it was Shepard who pulled him into the closet.

“What happened?” Shepard asked as he stood between Kaidan and the door.

“You’re the one that started flirting with Miranda, not me,” Kaidan responded as he tried to reach for the doorknob. _I have to get out of an enclosed space with him_.

Shepard’s arm shot out in front of Kaidan as he slammed his fist into the wall, blocking his path to the door. Kaidan looked at Shepard, surprised at the suddenness and violence of Shepard’s action. He could see the blood on his hand before he noticed that Shepard had split his knuckle. _You idiot. The last game of the season is this week_.

“Why are you dressed like this? Because of Liara?” Shepard sounded both jealous and accusatory.

“Why are you so obsessed with hindering my friendship with Liara?” Kaidan asked, unable to stop himself. “I don’t like Liara like that.” He fought to keep himself from crying. Everything had built up to this moment and he didn’t want to admit that he was head-over-heels in love with Shepard and that nothing was going to change that. Once he said it out loud though, he couldn’t take it back and Shepard would know.

Shepard looked away from Kaidan, uncertain at what he should say in response. He felt like an ass for the way he acted, but he couldn’t explain why he treated Kaidan that way. He was upset when Kaidan didn’t admit that he was dating him, but he didn’t want to date anyone else.

“I know I hurt you when I didn’t say that we were on a date,” Kaidan felt like he was going to cry, looking away from Shepard for a second. Once he felt like he could handle saying it, he turned to look him in the eyes. “But I would _never_ intentionally hurt you by flirting with someone else like you’ve been doing to me.” Kaidan pushed Shepard’s arm out of the way before he stormed out of the janitor’s closet. He ignored the looks of students crowding the hallway as he made his way to class.

Kaidan was happy that he didn’t have to face Shepard at all throughout the day, but he worried when he didn’t show up to class. It was Liara’s running form coming down the hallway to meet him that told him something had happened.

“Apparently Shepard gave Miranda the boot. He went home because he split his knuckle open. What happened?!”

“Is he alright? Can he still play in the game on Friday?” Kaidan asked in concern.

“According to Chakwas he’ll be fine. But whatever happened makes it sound like he’s still crazy for you.” Liara arched her eyebrows in hopes that Kaidan would tell her what happened.

“I told him I cared about him. And that I never meant to hurt him, but that he hurt me too. I guess it worked,” Kaidan said as he shrugged.

“That’s all? You’re not going to dish out any of the goods, are you?”

“Liara, that was all that happened.”

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan wasn’t sure how long he was standing outside Shepard’s house, but he wasn’t expecting to come face-to-face with Detective Ryan.

Ryan was in his mid-thirties, tall and broad shouldered. He was without a doubt an eligible bachelor, which made it hard to think of him as the legal guardian of a teenage orphan. Kaidan remembered his mother gossiping on the phone about Detective Ryan, stating that he became head detective in short time. He also remembered his mother saying that he never married or dated anyone in town. He remembered the joke his mother made about Ryan possibly being gay, and that "all the attractive ones are either taken or gay" and it made Kaidan feel uneasy as he recalled his mother’s laughter at the joke. _Would she laugh at me if I told her about Shepard and I?_

Ryan smiled once he looked up and saw Kaidan standing at the end of the stairs leading up the house door.

“Kaidan, it’s good to see you,” Ryan greeted him as he closed the gap between them.

“It’s good to see you too, sir.” Kaidan had few interactions with Ryan, all supervised by Shepard, and he was still uncertain how to address him.

“Please, sir is reserved for my father. Just Elijah. Or Eli. Or Ryan. Whichever you prefer,” Ryan stated as he shook Kaidan’s hand.

“Alright,” Kaidan replied with a small smile.

“You’re probably here to see Leon, aren’t you?” Something about Ryan’s smile made Kaidan feel like he knew something about Kaidan’s real reason for coming by.

“I heard he hurt his hand. I wanted to make sure he was alright.” Kaidan felt himself tense under the pressure he felt to convince Ryan he wasn’t trying to salvage his relationship with Shepard.

“He punched a wall or something,” Ryan commented as he shook his head. “Anger issues run in his family. Anyways,” he continued as he moved towards his car. “Leon’s inside. Feel free to stay for as long as you want. Just don’t let him in the kitchen to cook.”

“I won’t,” Kaidan laughed slightly as he pictured Shepard catching the stove on fire.

Kaidan made his way up the steps as Ryan climbed into his car. He was relieved that Ryan didn’t ask any questions about their relationship like his mom had done.

“Kaidan,” Ryan called his name as he rolled his car window down.

“Yes?” Kaidan answered as he turned to look at him, frightened that he was going to be busted.

“I wanted to say thank you. Leon doesn’t open up to everyone. He’s been happier since he’s met you.” Ryan smiled as he recalled Shepard’s development from silent recluse to outspoken football captain. “So, thanks for being his friend.”

Kaidan wasn’t sure how to respond to him. He felt uncertain as he nodded back at Ryan, before watching him drive his car down the road. Kaidan lingered momentarily as he thought about his relationship with Shepard. _Maybe it would be easier if we were just friends …_ He thought about his reasons for coming today, and he knew that he could either end his relationship with Shepard, or continue trying to work something out. Part of him wanted to cower out of being in a relationship with Shepard, but another part of him knew he’d never feel this way again. _I love him_ , Kaidan finally admitted to himself.

It took Kaidan a few moments as he prepared himself to walk to Shepard’s door. He hesitated before letting his knuckles lightly rap against the wooden door. He shifted nervously on his feet as he waited for Shepard to come to the door. A small panic grew in his stomach when he didn’t hear any sound coming from within the house. Kaidan knocked louder a second time, rewarded with the noise of a series of footsteps headed straight for the door.

Shepard opened the door in a rough motion, peering his head around it. He straightened some before standing beside the door once he noticed it was Kaidan. He subconsciously ran a hand through his tussled hair in an attempt to contain it.

Kaidan began to feel uncomfortable under the silence that grew between them, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He looked at him, smiling slightly at how adorable Shepard looked at the moment. _He was probably napping on the couch_ , Kaidan thought.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said his name before shifting his position, resting his right hand on the door as he did.

Kaidan looked at the bandages that were carefully wrapped around his knuckles. He frowned as he recalled Shepard slamming his fist into the wall to stop him from leaving. _He split his knuckle to keep me from walking away_.

“I wanted to see you,” Kaidan mumbled slightly. “To see if your hand was alright.”

“You heard about that?”

“I saw the blood when you punched the wall.”

“Oh,” Shepard turned slightly as he opened the door further. “Come on in.” He turned his back towards Kaidan as he made his way into the house.

Kaidan felt uneasy as he cautiously took a few steps into Shepard’s house. He regretted that this was the first time he saw a prolonged view of the house’s interior. _Besides the couch_ , he thought as he recalled their make-out session there. He often caught glimpses whenever he came to pick Shepard up, the moments quickly ending as Shepard ushered him out to the car before Ryan could come out and talk to them. Without knowing what to do with himself, Kaidan made sure to take his time closing the door.

“About today,” Shepard started to speak as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’d like to talk to you about the past few days, actually.” Kaidan tried to look up at Shepard, but every time he tried, he felt uneasy. He decided that staring a hole into the floor was better for his sanity.

“Kaidan—”

“You’re probably going to just confirm my worst nightmare and break up with me, so I’d really like to get this out there before that happens. I know what it’s like to feel betrayed by someone you care about. I get what I said really hurt, but it had nothing to do with the way I feel about you. It has to do with how everyone else is. I mean, that cop didn’t even second-guess himself at assuming we weren’t a couple. And I panicked. I thought that if people knew about us, then they would keep us apart, and that terrifies me.” Kaidan took a deep breath, breathing slowly as he tried not to break down. “Nothing I say now can take it back, but I just wanted you to know that I would take it back if I could.”

The silence continued to stretch once Kaidan had finished his ill-prepared speech, and it was killing him. He wanted to look up at Shepard to get a sense of how he was reacting. _Is he pissed, happy, angry, indifferent?_ Kaidan continued to wait until he started to feel a strange unwelcome.

“I’ll go,” Kaidan murmured as he turned back to the door. Part of him wished he hadn’t closed it, as it would make it easier for him to escape. He pulled the door open only to have it be shoved shut once more.

Kaidan was surprised by Shepard’s hand pressed against the door. He noticed his arm was hovering just above his shoulder when he felt the heat from Shepard’s chest against his back. He waited for Shepard to say or do something, but nothing was happening. Cautiously, Kaidan turned around to face him.

Shepard had his arm locked tightly as he pressed his weight into his hand, fastening it like a piston against the door to prevent Kaidan from leaving. His other hand covered his face in an attempt to keep Kaidan from seeing him.

“Leon?” Kaidan could barely speak when he saw Shepard’s shoulders barely shaking. It was the silence of Shepard’s small sobs that frightened him the most. _I’m the worst boyfriend ever_ , he thought as he tried to think about what he said that would have made Shepard begin to break down.

Kaidan was surprised when Shepard’s arms suddenly enveloped him tightly. He immediately hugged Shepard back, happily holding onto him for the first time in days. Minutes passed in silence, as Kaidan was hesitant to speak out of fear of breaking some unspoken rule.

“Don’t go,” Shepard finally managed to say. There was no indicator that he was still shaking as Kaidan continued to hold onto him.

“Okay,” Kaidan replied.

Shepard slowly released his hold on Kaidan as he leaned back from him. Kaidan reluctantly mirrored his actions. He looked down at the floor in between them. He took several breaths before finally looking Kaidan in the eye.

“Everyone I’ve ever loved has moved away or … died. I got mad because I thought you didn’t care,” Shepard finally admitted. “I thought you’d up and leave. I thought this … I thought _I_ wasn’t special to you.”

“Oh God, Leon. I’m so sorry.” Kaidan reached his hand up to gently caress Shepard’s cheek. He ran his thumb softly over the now dry trail his tear had made.

“I over reacted. I freaked out and pushed you away. I ran to the first person that gave me attention because I thought that’s what I needed. I thought … I don’t know what I thought.”

Kaidan felt his heart flutter at Shepard admitting that he tried to move on. ‘ _Gave me attention,’_ Kaidan rethought Shepard’s statement. He felt his stomach churn, feeling as if he was going to throw up.

“Did you … fool around with her to get back me?” Kaidan asked as he tried to wrap his head around what Shepard just said. He slightly backed away from him, a small feeling of betrayal welling up inside him.

“What? No,” Shepard stated when he noticed Kaidan backing away. “I swear, I never did anything with her, Kaidan. She wanted to, but I never even let her kiss me. I thought we were done. I thought … It doesn’t matter what I thought,” Shepard sighed in reply. “I fucked up, I know that now. But I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, Kaidan. I swear it. I didn’t hang around with Miranda to upset you. I did it because … Because I’m selfish. I wanted to feel wanted.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Leon. It was me,” Kaidan admitted. Shepard looked at Kaidan in confusion. “If I was just honest about wanting to be in a relationship with you, then this would have never happened.” He took a few steps forward until he was back in front of Shepard. “I want you,” he laughed slightly at how corny his admission was. “I want this—us.”

Shepard smiled before kissing Kaidan, his hands cupping around his neck. “I’m never going to let you go now, you know that right?” He stated in between kisses.

“Good,” Kaidan laughed.

Kaidan wasn’t sure how it happened, but they eventually made their way from the couch to Shepard’s bedroom. _I don’t remember walking up the steps. He’s driving me crazy_ , he thought as they continued to kiss in enthusiasm and nervousness. Their hands gripped each other’s hair or clothes, both uncertain if they should jump back into their sexual foreplay.

Kaidan shifted his body, pressing his hand against Shepard’s chest to push him into the bed. Shepard pulled away from Kaidan, resting his back into the sheets of his unmade bed.

“We don’t have to jump back into it. Unless you want to,” Shepard stated, running his fingertips over Kaidan’s shirt to prevent himself from caressing him more. He tried to position his hips away from Kaidan’s, knowing that his arousal might make him feel obligatory.

“There is something, in particular, that I want to do,” Kaidan smiled, sitting up as he spoke. He moved his body to straddle Shepard’s legs, his hands resting on his belt as he continued. “Something I didn’t get to finish before.”

Shepard smiled slightly when Kaidan playfully pushed his chest, pressing him into the bed. Realization dawned on him as he watched Kaidan’s hands undo his belt. He laid his head back against the bed, remembering all the times he looked up at the ceiling and thought of nothing but Kaidan. It was hard for him to accept that he wasn’t about to wake from a hazy dream to discover that he was alone and Kaidan’s hands were actually his own.

Kaidan inwardly cursed at himself for his hands shaking. He leaned forward, using one hand to push the hem of Shepard’s shirt upward to reveal his abdomen before kissing above his navel. A surge of encouragement ran through him when Shepard let out a sigh that ended in an almost silent moan of approval. He kissed his way pass his navel, turning his attention to Shepard’s now fully undone pants. He hooked his fingers under the band of his briefs, pulling them down slowly.

Shepard did his best to lift his hips up, allowing Kaidan to easily slide his clothing off his legs. He took a deep breath as a shiver was released through his body. He wasn’t used to feeling embarrassed, but receiving was very different than performing. _Why am I so embarrassed? Having a shirt on while butt naked isn’t helping._ For the first time, he felt vulnerable and open—emotionally, and literally physically—to another person. All thought immediately left him when Kaidan’s mouth enveloped him.

Shepard arched his back, elevating his hips up in order to meet Kaidan’s mouth. He let out a moan as he ran his fingers through Kaidan’s hair. His fingers clasped together tightly, pulling Kaidan’s hair when he ran his tongue along Shepard’s length.

“Kaidan,” Shepard moaned in a breathy whisper, his toes curling against the sheets.

Kaidan hummed back a response as he took Shepard in his mouth once more. He tried to recall everything he researched in the past weeks—his own attempt to weakly battle his sexual inexperience. He tried to continue bobbing his head in a set rhythm as he moved his hand to cup Shepard’s butt.

Shepard arched his back, one hand grasping a handful of sheets as the other pulled longingly on Kaidan’s hair. He gasped loudly, biting down on his lower lip as Kaidan continued to add sucking pressure.

Kaidan felt his own arousal begin to painfully push against the restriction of his pants. He tried to focus solely on Shepard, ignoring the growing want he felt in his groin.

“Kaidan … St … stop,” Shepard stuttered as he fought to say the right words.

Kaidan immediately released Shepard from his mouth, slowly slipping his hands away from his body. He sat up, covering his mouth before wiping away any evidence that he was just sucking his boyfriend off.

Shepard covered his face with his arm, breathing heavy as his senses started coming back to him. He propped himself up on his elbows as he looked at Kaidan.

“Sorry,” Kaidan murmured.

“Don’t be,” Shepard replied. “I had to stop you … to ask about continuing,” he said as he sat up all the way. He laughed slightly as he looked down at himself, quickly pulling his shirt off before tossing it onto the floor with his discarded pants.

“Continuing … ?” Kaidan asked in confusion.

“… Sex,” Shepard stated.

Kaidan knew his eyes widening must have been obvious, but he was taken by surprise. _Sex … with Shepard. I’m dreaming again_ , he tried to inwardly rationalize the reason why Shepard would want to have sex with him.

“We don’t have to. I’m just throwing it out there, that when you’re ready, I’m ready,” Shepard attempted to clarify. “I feel like an idiot now,” he rubbed the back of his head. “But I wanted to make sure this wasn’t going anywhere you didn’t want.”

Something inside Kaidan snapped as a warm wave of emotion spread through him. _He’s asking me for consent_ , he thought. It wasn’t that Kaidan didn’t understand consent, but understanding and experiencing it were completely different.

Shepard looked up at Kaidan when he heard the sound of a zipper slowly being undone. Kaidan shrugged off his sweatshirt, tossing it off to the side to join Shepard’s clothes in a pile. He smiled as he leaned forward, closing the gap between them. He pressed his clenched hands into the bed as he kissed Shepard.

“I’d love to have sex with you,” Kaidan managed to say without stumbling through such an admission as his heart beat quickened.

Shepard leaned in to kiss him back, running his hands underneath the hem of Kaidan’s shirt. He couldn’t help but smile into their kisses, happy that Kaidan felt the same about him. He allowed Kaidan to break long enough to pull his shirt off before leaning back in. They continued to kiss, hands slowly exploring each other’s bodies as they fumbled through what was to be their next step.

Time no longer held any relevance as they laid next to one another, kissing as their hands mutually pleasured one another. Shepard swallowed Kaidan’s moan as his hands caressed his cock. Kaidan’s hands abandoned pleasuring Shepard in an attempt to remove his pants. Suddenly, Shepard sat up, lifting Kaidan’s legs to pull his pant legs down. They both laughed as the fabric caught and struggled to remain clung to Kaidan’s body. It didn’t take long before they were both laying next to each other again, this time completely naked.

Kaidan was able to pull his mouth away from Shepard’s long enough to ask the one question he was afraid to ask: “Condoms?” If Shepard didn’t have any, then they were out of luck.

Shepard reached across Kaidan, unceremoniously sprawling his body across his as he rooted through the drawers of his nightstand. Kaidan rested his hands on Shepard’s back as he slowly caressed his skin. Without looking, Shepard playfully tossed a box up in the air, before it landed next to Kaidan’s head. Kaidan laughed slightly at the insane trajectory the box took. Another item followed the box’s suit as it landed next to it. Kaidan looked and recognized the bottle as lube.

“That too,” Kaidan murmured as Shepard leaned his body off of his.

“We were making out a lot. My mind tends to skip ahead to things, which lead to me preparing,” Shepard gestured to the two items that were now settled on the bed in between them. “I don’t want you to think I was expecting things. Because I don’t.” He sat back onto his knees, rotating the box of condoms in his hands as he observed it.

Kaidan smiled to himself, enjoying seeing this side of Shepard. The nervous, rambling side that no one else got to see. “I’m glad you thought of it,” he replied as he watched Shepard attempt to open the box of condoms.

Shepard looked like a child trying to open the plastic box of a Christmas gift without scissors; every second longer it took him, the angrier looking he got.

“Do you need he—” Kaidan’s words were cut short when the box suddenly tore open and the strip of condoms fell into disarray on the bed. He laughed, trying to hide his smile when Shepard jokingly glared at him.

“It’s harder than it looks, alright?” Shepard rolled his eyes as Kaidan arched his eyebrow in response to his poor choice of words. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Leon Shepard, captain of the football team, can’t open a box of condoms. It’s cute,” Kaidan replied.

“Cute?” Shepard questioned, tossing the strip of condoms at Kaidan.

Kaidan felt a small unease build in his gut as the weight of the condoms suddenly seemed much heavier than they should have. _The one who puts the condom on will top,_ his mind tried to talk him through what he knew were the basics. _Is he telling me that he’s going to bottom? I don’t know how to top. He’s the experienced one … Isn’t he?_ Kaidan’s mind continued to loop around the question of whether or not Shepard was as sexually experienced as he first thought. He observed Shepard’s back as he turned to quickly toss the now torn box into his desk’s waste bin.

Shepard noticed Kaidan’s staring off into the distance when he turned back around. “Are you okay?” He asked when he sat on the bed again. “We don’t have to go any further,” he added, reassuring Kaidan that they could stop any time.

“No,” Kaidan said as he looked at Shepard. “I was just thinking about …” He wasn’t sure how to word his concerns, holding up the condoms instead.

Shepard crawled across the bed, stretching his body out over Kaidan’s as he gently kissed him. “Whatever you want to do.”

“I think …” Kaidan hesitated as he thought about continuing. He placed his hand on Shepard’s chest. “I think you should be in control.”

“Okay,” Shepard replied with a small nod of his head after a few seconds of considering what Kaidan decided. He took the condoms from Kaidan’s hands. He leaned in, kissing Kaidan gently once more before kissing down his body.

 _My body is so hot_ , Kaidan tried to keep his mind from spinning out of control. It wasn’t the first time Shepard touched his body, but Kaidan couldn’t stop himself from shaking. He couldn’t stop himself from being embarrassed as the feeling of slick pressure moved inside of him, as Shepard’s finger expertly began to stretch him, making him moan. Shepard tried to give him enough pleasure to dull the intrusion through gentle strokes.

“Just try and relax,” Shepard nearly whispered before continuing. He waited, taking his time to prep him. “Tell me if it’s too much, and I’ll stop, okay?”

Kaidan kept his eyes shut, unable to speak as he merely nodded his head quickly in response. He loved the feeling of being held by Shepard, of being this intimate with him. _I love him_.

Before long, the room filled with the strange mixture of their pants and moans as Shepard added more fingers. Kaidan rolled his head away from him, trying to hide his face. _Three fingers_ , Kaidan’s mind chirped loudly as his body adjusted.

“Keep going?” Shepard asked in concern.

Kaidan looked up at him, noticing the slight furrow in Shepard’s brow. _He’s holding back_. He sat up some, a strange but pleasurable pang running up through his body from the new angle, as he reached to stroke Shepard’s own erection.

“Kaidan,” Shepard moaned his name, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against his.

Kaidan moved forward to kiss him, their tongues rolling against each other as he continued to gently stroke him. He moaned into Shepard’s mouth, his body trembling when he curled his fingers inside him. “Want you,” Kaidan was finally able to mumble a few words against Shepard’s lips.

“To what?” Shepard replied with a teasing tone.

“To feel you,” Kaidan responded through kisses. His grip on Shepard’s neck tightened before he whispered in his ear, “Inside me.”

Kaidan sighed when Shepard removed his fingers, a hollowing presence replacing them. He let Shepard’s hand push him back onto the bed, watching as Shepard tore off the corner of the condom’s wrapper with his teeth. _Don’t think of his mouth, don’t think of his mouth_ , Kaidan’s mind repeated as he tried to not climax just from his racing, dirty thoughts.

Shepard rolled the condom on before gently stroking himself with more lube. He moved to settle his hips between Kaidan’s legs. He hooked his arms under Kaidan’s legs, bracing his weight onto his arms. He draped his upper body over Kaidan as he leaned in to kiss him, slowly but passionately, nearly folding him in half. _Thank God I’m flexible_.

“Ready?” Shepard breathlessly asked, resting the side of his forehead against Kaidan’s.

“Yeah, definitely,” Kaidan replied with a small, nervous smile. “But slow is good.”

Shepard nodded before stating once more, “We can stop. Whenever you want.” He was hesitant to continue as he noted Kaidan’s nervousness.

“I want this,” Kaidan confirmed. “You.”

Shepard nodded back, a small smile at Kaidan’s affirmation of wanting to be together. He shifted his body as he positioned himself, painfully aware of Kaidan’s eyes lingering on him. He pushed slowly up into Kaidan, but halted the moment he felt his body tense.

“Ah!” Kaidan partly moaned as he reached for Shepard. He held tightly onto his arms, grounding himself in an attempt to ease the pain.

“Do you want me to sto—”

“No,” Kaidan cut him off, his hands shifting their hold on Shepard’s arms as they pulled him forward. “Keep going.”

Kaidan wasn’t going to lie. Having Shepard inside him painfully ached and burned, but there was a pleasure rising in him. He could feel Shepard restraining his movements. _Inside me._ _Shepard is_ inside _me_ , he thought as Shepard kept his body from moving.

Kaidan’s hands ran along Shepard’s arms before resting against his chest. He whimpered Shepard’s name when he moved back, slowly pulling out. He moaned louder than before when Shepard pushed back into him.

Shepard set up a slow pace of pulling out and pushing into Kaidan until he heard Kaidan voice actual words.

“More,” Kaidan nearly stammered as Shepard pushed back into him.

“More?”

“Yeah, faster.”

Shepard used the strength in his thighs to begin a faster pace as he rocked his hips gently into Kaidan.

“Per … perfect. Keep go…ing,” Kaidan tried to not forget how to speak, but he was losing that uphill battle. The pain took an almost nonexistent second place to the pleasure that started building in his stomach as Shepard sped his movement inside him.

“Kaidan,” Shepard moaned as he called his name into his neck.

“Deeper, Leon. Deep … er,” Kaidan’s voice hitched when Shepard suddenly sat up. He moaned loudly when Shepard pulled his legs, pulling his butt up onto his lap. The new position pushed Shepard deeper than he thought possible. “Oh, God … There, right there!” Kaidan arched his back as he moaned from Shepard grazing against his prostate.

Shepard shifted his body slightly as he continued to thrust his hips, pulling Kaidan’s body in to meet his. He held Kaidan tightly as his body twisted in reaction to the newfound pleasure spot, the heat rising through his legs as it pooled in the pit of his stomach becoming almost unbearable.

“Leon,” Kaidan moaned as he drew closer to his oncoming orgasm. _I’m so close_. He reached between them, unsuccessfully attempting to stroke himself in sync with Shepard’s thrusts. It was Shepard’s hand covering his that helped him find the correct pace.

Shepard continued to stroke and thrust in unison the best he could as he leaned forward to kiss Kaidan. His pants grew louder as he kissed Kaidan’s neck, suckling as he gently nipped his throat.

Normally, Kaidan would have worried about the hickey he knew Shepard just gave him, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was that Shepard continued to mercilessly hit his prostate with every thrust.

“There! Right there! Right—Coming!” Kaidan wasn’t sure what he was trying to say when his orgasm hit, but it wasn’t important once _it_ happened. A white-hot heat made its way through his body, sending sparks to every nerve ending. Spasms raked his body as Shepard continued his thrusts. His body curled up into Shepard, clinging to his body as his abs tightened in response to his climax.

Shepard continued to move against Kaidan’s tensing body, his rhythm becoming sporadic as he drew close to his own climax. It only took a few seconds of Kaidan’s mid-orgasm, involuntary clenching to drive him over the edge as well. He called Kaidan’s name, breathlessly in a hoarse voice as his hands clenched around the bed sheets next to Kaidan’s hips. Shepard lost track of his movements as his own orgasm tore through him in waves, until he was grounded by Kaidan’s small kisses. The strength in his muscles left him when he finished, returning Kaidan’s kisses as his body somehow gracefully collapsed on top of him.

Shepard tried to get his breathing back to normal, resting his head against Kaidan’s chest. He closed his eyes, feeling greatly at peace from the simple sound of Kaidan’s heartbeat under his ear. The soft caress of Kaidan’s fingertips running through his hair made the tension almost instantaneously disappear from his body. He turned his head to place a gently kiss on Kaidan’s chest before looking up at him.

“That was, hands down, so much better than jerking off to the thought of you,” Shepard stated, smiling as he kissed Kaidan.

Kaidan laughed slightly into the kiss, amused and flattered by picturing Shepard masturbating to the thought of him. “I’m glad I lived up to the expectation.”

“You blew it away,” Shepard replied. “Pun intended.”

Kaidan smiled as Shepard kissed him again. It was a perfect moment that Kaidan didn’t want to let go. He clung to Shepard, his hands pressed tightly against his back.

Shepard broke their embrace after a moment, gripping the base of the condom before gently pulling out of Kaidan. They unwillingly parted from one another, taking their time to clean up.

Kaidan easily removed his contacts, throwing them into the trash. He could feel Shepard looking at him, causing him to turn and look back at him.

“I didn’t know you had contacts,” Shepard stated as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I like your glasses more,” he confessed. “The contacts change your eye color,” he noted.

“They do?” Kaidan asked, knowing they did but interested that Shepard was the first person to notice. He took a spot next to Shepard. He could still see his facial features even without the help of his contacts.

“Yeah,” Shepard replied. “But if you want to wear your contacts, I’m fine with that. I just didn’t want you to think you had to change to keep me interested,” he stared down at his arm as he nervously rubbed his bicep.

Kaidan sighed before he decided he should tell Shepard the truth. “I thought we broke up after I dropped you off,” he started. “Liara had the bright idea that showing how attractive I could be to other people would drive you insane. I really need to stop letting her run with her crazy plans.”

“Well, she was wrong,” Shepard replied as he looked at Kaidan. “About saying how you _could_ be attractive. You _are_ attractive, Kaidan.” He placed his hand on Kaidan’s knee in a reassuring manner.

“I don’t like wearing my contacts,” Kaidan finally confessed. He noticed Shepard’s small smile. “So, please tell me you meant that I don’t have to wear them to keep you interested,” he added a small laugh in an attempt to make his plea sound like a joke.

“You don’t have to change anything about yourself, Kaidan,” Shepard stated. “I like everything about you because it’s you,” he added before leaning in to kiss him.

Kaidan sighed happily as they both crawled into bed, not caring that they had school the next day. He tried to keep his eyes from closing in exhaustion as he hugged the pillow closer. _It smells like Shepard_ , he thought as he pushed his head further into it, breathing deeply.

“Are you going to stay?” Shepard asked as he gently kissed Kaidan’s shoulder blade, his arm snaking around Kaidan’s waist.

Kaidan released his hold on the pillow, turning to his body in order to face Shepard. He smiled before stating, “I told my mom and dad that I was sleeping over here. I didn’t tell them that … _this_ might happen. But I thought it was a step towards telling them about us.”

Shepard intertwined his fingers with Kaidan’s, smiling as he kissed the back of Kaidan’s hand. “That means a lot to me. Really does,” he said.

“I know,” Kaidan replied.

“But they are okay with it being a school night?” Shepard asked.

“My mom wants to adopt you,” Kaidan replied. “As far as they are concerned, I can do no wrong when it comes to you.”

“What if Ryan comes home early?” Kaidan asked as he gently drummed his fingers against Shepard’s chest.

“He won’t,” Shepard reassured him. “He’s working the night shift. So … please stay in my bed?” He asked in a hopeful voice.

“Of course,” Kaidan said, kissing Shepard. He turned back onto his side, placing his back into Shepard’s chest as he pulled his arm across his waist. He closed his eyes, smiling when Shepard tightened his hold on him to settle his body snuggly against his back. _This is perfect_ , he thought as he started to drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do to the impending snow storm that is about to hit my home town and knock out power, I MAY be able to give you another update before the day is through :3 Keep a weathered eye on the horizon, my dearies.
> 
> Also, please don't hate Miranda. She is, deep deep DEEP DEEP down, a good person. You'll see.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains:
> 
> 1) Implied M/M sexual content.
> 
> 2) Talk of previous/past self-harming. Self-harming is not depicted, however, there is conversation concerning it.

Kaidan didn’t bother watching the scoreboard as he cheered with Liara. Not being able to understand the game didn’t stop him from understanding that Shepard was performing the game of a lifetime.

The crowd stood in a standing ovation when Shepard beautifully arched the ball to Steve in the touch down zone. Everyone burst out in cheers following the chants of the cheerleaders.

Shepard turned and looked at the crowd, scanning all the faces in an attempt to find Kaidan. He smiled as he reached his hand out in victory, pointing to Kaidan.

Kaidan smiled, knowing that no one suspected Shepard was pointing at him. They were convinced he was pointing to the student body as a whole.

“He was totally pointing at you,” Liara stated excitedly once the crowd’s cries died down some.

“I know,” Kaidan replied, smiling at he watched Shepard kneel in the middle of the huddle.

“Stop being so adorable,” Garrus replied as he resumed his spot in between Kaidan and Tali.

Kaidan shrugged slightly, hiding his face in Shepard’s wool scarf wrapped around his neck. He ignored Garrus’ teases as he deeply inhaled Shepard’s scent. He smiled to himself, recalling how Shepard playfully wrapped his scarf around his neck to pull him in for a kiss before departing to prepare for the game. He wasn’t surprised when no one noticed he was wearing Shepard’s jacket or scarf. _They wouldn’t believe it even if someone pointed it out_.

“You know, Kaidan and Shepard aren’t the only ones being adorable,” Liara commented when she took a hot chocolate from Garrus. “Tali looks awfully comfortable in _your_ jacket, Garrus.”

“What?!” Tali almost dropped her hot chocolate. “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That jacket is too big for you. Plus, it has Garrus’ initials on the sleeve,” Liara stated as she leaned over and poked the golden ‘G.V.’ initials embroidered on the jacket’s sleeve. “I’m guessing that means the ice skating date went well?” She smiled, knowing the answer.

“Cool it, Blue,” Garrus replied with a warning in his voice. “I’m not threatening Kaidan, so you don’t have to threaten Tali.”

“I’m just saying that I think it’s adorable; her father’s disapproval of the rich, popular boy from another culture. Your father disapproving because the military won’t be your only love.” Liara laughed when she saw Garrus’ glare. “I’m sorry, I’m just saying that we are all feeling pressure in life. But despite it all,” she turned, holding her camera up take a picture of the four of them. “We keep breaking society’s heart!”

Kaidan leaned in, placing his chin on Liara’s shoulder. Garrus put his arm around Tali as they leaned over Liara’s other shoulder. Liara quickly snapped a photo before the crowd started to create a big uproar over something happening on the field. The students were yelling and screaming angry comments towards what just transpired, making the four of them look out onto the field.

“What the hell happened?” Liara asked as she stood on her tiptoes to try and see above the two teams crowding on the field.

“Where’s Shepard?” Kaidan asked when he didn’t see a jersey with his number on the back.

“I don’t see him,” Tali said as she scanned the field.

Kaidan continued to scan the field when he noticed James yelling at a member of the other team. James held his helmet in his hand as he shouted at the kid as Steve got in between them, placing his hand on James’s chest to stop him from getting into a physical altercation.

Kaidan saw Ryan running out onto the field, hurriedly pushing his way through the football players. Fear and panic began to rise from Kaidan’s stomach, making him feel sick. He wasn’t sure what was happening when his legs forced him to move. He couldn’t understand what Liara was yelling at him when he hurried down the stairs of the bleachers. He was only able to make it off the bleachers when a hand grasped his arm tightly.

“Kaidan,” a familiar female voice tried to reason with him when he fought to get out of her reach.

“Mrs. McAnear?” Kaidan asked, his fight ceasing when he turned to look at her.

“Eli—Ryan is handling it,” Samara said, changing how she referred to Ryan. “People are about to break out in a brawl. Stay here.”

“But Shepard is … ” Kaidan began to speak but stopped himself when he saw Ryan leading a limping Shepard off the field. He stood frozen next to Samara as he watched Shepard come closer to the sidelines.

Shepard looked up and gave a small smile to Kaidan for reassurance. Ryan helped Shepard reach the bench, easing him down gently. The trainer knelt beside Shepard as he inspected him.

“He’s okay,” Ryan stated as he walked over to Samara.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Samara replied as she placed her hand over her chest. “Is that player that tackled him going to get in trouble?”

“He hit him after the whistle. That little bastard was trying to injure him so he couldn’t finish the game. He better get benched,” Ryan stated as he turned to scan the field for the player. He looked over at Kaidan, a little surprised to see him. “Kaidan,” he greeted him.

“I, um,” Kaidan tried to think of another reason besides his initial worry about Shepard. “We didn’t see what happened and I elected to come find out,” he stated.

“Right,” Ryan stated, more to himself.

Kaidan ignored both Samara and Ryan as his feet forced him to walk over to Shepard. He stood next to him, watching the trainer twist and bend Shepard’s limbs, asking him if there was any pain.

“I’m fine. The wind just got knocked out of me,” Shepard said as he dismissed the trainer, looking at Kaidan. “Hey, I’m fine. I promise,” he reassuringly said.

“Okay,” Kaidan nodded, trying to reassure himself.

“I promise,” Shepard said, gently holding Kaidan’s hand as he ran his thumb over his gloved knuckles. “I’d kiss you to prove it, but your head would probably explode,” he said with a smile when Kaidan pulled out of his reach.

“Kissing you would be satisfying though,” Kaidan replied.

Shepard stood, shaking his limbs before placing his helmet securely on his head once more. “Let me win this, then I’m all yours.” He winked at Kaidan before jogging out onto the field.

Kaidan laughed, smiling to himself as he turned to walk back up the bleachers. The crowd burst into cheers the minute they saw Shepard jogging back onto the field. Kaidan, however, felt a pair of stray eyes linger on him. He turned to find Miranda watching him. Her hands were placed on her hips as her pompoms dangled unceremoniously from her wrists. She looked somewhat saddened and surprised by Shepard’s acknowledgement of Kaidan’s concerns. She folded her arms across her chest as she watched Kaidan walk back up the bleachers.

“What did you do to Miranda?” Garrus asked as he moved to create room for Kaidan.

“Shepard,” Liara responded. She looked at the others as they stared at her. “What? All he did was Shepard.”

“Hit a home run, huh?” Garrus stated as he patted Kaidan on the back.

“Thank you for broadcasting my personal life to people,” Kaidan groaned at Liara.

“Sorry, I can’t help myself around an adorable couple.” Nothing about Liara’s statement showed that she was sincerely sorry.

~0~0~0~0~0~

“You scared me today,” Kaidan finally stated.

“What?” Shepard asked as he shifted his body to better face Kaidan.

“I feel like I looked away for a second, and next thing I knew, you were on the ground. Unconscious,” as he spoke, Kaidan slowly raised his head from Shepard’s chest to look at him.

“I know,” Shepard stated as he continued to run his fingertips against the side of Kaidan’s naked hip. “But you won’t have to worry about that ever again. I’m done playing sports. Especially full-contact.”

“I guess it’s just me worrying for no reason,” Kaidan mumbled as he rested his head against Shepard’s chest once more. He thought back to the article about the car accident and he didn’t want to think of Shepard being in that situation again.

“Life is short,” Shepard reassured him. “I’m actually … glad you were worried about me. It’s nice to know someone cares,” he spoke into Kaidan’s hair, placing a gently kiss on his head.

It took several moments for Kaidan to finally gain the courage to ask what was bugging him the entire night. “I think Miranda knows.”

“Knows what?” Shepard asked in a slightly exasperated tone at the mention of Miranda.

“About … us,” Kaidan replied, sitting up when he felt Shepard’s body shift.

“Kaidan,” Shepard sighed his name, sitting up right as he swung his legs off of the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face before running them through his hair. “If this is about when I was hanging out with her, nothing—”

“It’s not!” Kaidan blurted out loudly. “It’s not,” he sighed. “It’s just me … being paranoid, that she is going to cause a scene … or something.” He winced as he finished his statement. _That sounded better in my head_.

“By doing what?” Shepard turned his body to look at Kaidan. “By telling people that we’re dating?” He didn’t wait for Kaidan to respond when he stood up, grabbing his jeans quickly before pulling them on.

“Leon,” Kaidan called his name. Shepard ignored him as he grabbed his jacket and exited Kaidan’s room through the balcony door.

Kaidan grabbed his sweatpants from their discarded position on the floor, pulling them on with very little grace. _I didn’t mean it like that, you stubborn ass_ , he thought to himself as he quickly slipped on his sweatshirt before fumbling with the zipper. He slid the door to the balcony open, seeing Shepard leaning on the railing as he looked out over the orchard. Kaidan slowly walked up behind him, placing his hands in his pockets as he waited for Shepard to acknowledge his presence.

Shepard looked down at his hands, rubbing them together as the cold began to nip at his fingers. He turned his head slightly, seeing Kaidan standing behind him, when he released a deep sigh.

“These past few weeks, I’ve let go trying to push you into acknowledging … what we are doing,” Shepard kept his back to Kaidan as he spoke. “If you can’t accept us as a couple … then what are we even doing, Kaidan?”

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan stated as he closed the gap between them. He placed his arms around Shepard’s waist, resting his forehead against his back. “I didn’t mean it like that. I love being able to call you my boyfriend. It’s just that sometimes … I don’t understand how _we_ happened, you know?”

“We made out,” Shepard replied jokingly.

Kaidan laughed lightly before sighing. “I just worry that this isn’t real. That I’m going to wake up and realize that it’s the beginning of senior year again, and we’ll have never met. I’m afraid people will want to try and keep us apart. I guess I just don’t understand … why me?” He asked softly.

“Huh?” Shepard asked in confusion.

“Remember when I said I knew what it was like to be hurt by someone you care about?” Kaidan questioned, tightening his grip around Shepard’s waist. He felt Shepard nod before he turned to bury his face in the curve of Shepard’s back. “Freshman year … this kid I really liked asked me out. I was foolish and thought it would be fun to go out with him,” he released a deep sigh before continuing. “It was a cruel joke. A stupid lie to make me the punch line of a joke. Liara covered it all up with threats and calling in favors. Ever since then, I’ve been a little more … shielded.”

Shepard waited until he was certain Kaidan had finished before he spoke. “You think I’m going to treat you like that asshole?”

“No,” Kaidan murmured against Shepard’s jacket. “But I am scared that this is too perfect. You’re too good to be true … You could have chosen anyone, but you picked me. There's nothing special about me.” Kaidan let his arms fall from Shepard’s sides as he turned to face him.

“I didn't pick you, Kaidan,” Shepard admitted. He reached a hand out, touching Kaidan’s chin softly to make him look up at him. “You don't pick who you fall in love with.”

Kaidan’s eyebrows furrowed as he replayed what Shepard just said. “You … Love me?”

“Of course I do, you dork,” Shepard replied before he leaned in to kiss Kaidan.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Kaidan hurriedly said as he kissed him back, his hands gently cupping Shepard’s face. “I love you, too.” They continued to kiss as they both ignored the cold, taking refuge in each other’s body heat.

“And if I ever find that asshole, I’m running him over with my bike,” Shepard commented between kisses.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Months passed, winter slowly turned into spring as the awaited day of graduation approached. Kaidan disliked his new class schedule, as he lacked having any classes with Shepard. They however were able to find more time to share with one another now that the football season was over. To Kaidan’s relief, Miranda never created a scene. She even went to the extreme of not bothering Kaidan and Shepard again. She stopped her aggressive pursuit of Shepard as well as her hunt to beat Kaidan’s self esteem into non-existence. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

Kaidan was excited to hear back from the range of colleges his mother forced him to apply to. But he was also somewhat frightened to hear back from them, afraid he wouldn’t be accepted, or worse, he would be accepted to colleges Shepard wouldn’t be close to. They had talks about going to the same college, but ultimately decided to apply to a range of schools without telling each other, and decide on where they wanted to go without any pressure.

It was a cool Friday night, and Kaidan was regrettably stuck working on his homework. _Why does the spring always seem insanely busier than the fall?_ His parents left him home to travel a couple states over to watch over his ailing great aunt. As much as he wanted to go, he realized it was best for him to stay home.

He was typing on his laptop when he heard the faint sound of something clinking against the window next to his desk distracted him. He stood up, walking over to the window to peer out. He was surprised when he saw Shepard standing below his window, lobbing small pebbles up at him. He opened the window and leaned on the windowsill.

“What are you doing?” Kaidan whispered.

“I wanted to see you!” Shepard loudly replied.

“Have you been drinking?” Kaidan asked in a hushed tone.

“No. Well, technically I was at a party, but you weren’t there, so here I am,” Shepard gave Kaidan a smile before he suddenly began to climb up the trellis.

“Shepard, you could get hurt. You can use the front door.”

“I’m trying to be romantic,” Shepard replied as he continued to climb. He finally reached the windowsill, taking Kaidan’s offered hand to pull him up.

“It’s harder to climb up to a window than I thought,” Shepard said as he crawled across the floor, climbing onto Kaidan’s bed to sit.

“I bet,” Kaidan replied with a smile as he closed his window. “How did you get here?”

“I walked from the party. Garrus and Tali didn’t want to leave. I missed you,” Shepard stated as he reached out to hold Kaidan’s hand.

Kaidan intertwined his fingers with Shepard’s as he sat beside him on the bed. “What about your bike?”

“Garrus drove,” Shepard stated, leaning in to kiss Kaidan.

Kaidan gently kissed Shepard. He leaned back some when he felt Shepard’s fingers running down his torso. “Hey, wait.”

“Sorry,” Shepard replied as he moved his hand.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve missed you, it’s just …” Kaidan looked over at his desk, hating the work that sat there waiting for him.

“Yeah,” Shepard sighed slightly, used to the weight of homework keeping them separated. They had tried spending time together as they worked on homework. But the end result was always the same; a make-out session on top of their textbooks. “It’s just been a while since we’ve been able to see each other. I just miss being with you. But I don’t have to touch to be present,” he offered a small smile as he spoke.

Kaidan smiled. “I know, and I’m sorry about that. I’ve been trying to be less busy,” he replied as he ran his thumb over Shepard’s knuckles.

“It’s not your fault,” Shepard replied. “I shouldn’t have come by unannounced.” He hesitated before standing up to head back for the window.

“Hey,” Kaidan tightened his grip on Shepard’s hand, pulling him back towards the bed. “I love it when you come by unannounced.”

“Kaidan, you don’t have to—”

“I want you to stay, so shut up and start kissing me again,” Kaidan cut off Shepard’s words, smiling as he pulled Shepard in close.

Shepard moved to straddle Kaidan’s legs, his hand still holding Kaidan’s. Kaidan leaned back on the bed as he rested his hand on Shepard’s chest. Shepard stretched out his body over Kaidan’s, smiling as he kissed him.

 _It’s nice not having to worry about my parents walking in_ , Kaidan thought. He was so used to dodging his mother and father’s questions about what he and Shepard did whenever they went out. _Can’t imagine they would understand if I told them we went on dates_. He was having difficulties finding a way of explaining his relationship with Shepard to his parents. He wanted to tell them the truth, but he feared their reactions. He was grateful Shepard stood behind him in finding the right time and way to tell them. They both agreed to tell Kaidan’s parents and Ryan at the same time, that way they could stand together with no secrets.

 “I missed you,” Kaidan replied as he intertwined his fingers with Shepard’s.

“I missed you too,” Shepard stated through their kisses.

Shepard ran his fingers along Kaidan’s torso, his fingers rubbing the fabric over his zipper.

Kaidan moaned into Shepard’s mouth, his fingers tightening in Shepard’s hair. He shifted his hips to press into Shepard’s hand as he ran his own hand down Shepard’s torso to caress him through his pants. They continued to kiss, their hands clumsily touching one another.

“Kaidan,” Shepard panted as he broke from their kiss. He kissed his way down Kaidan’s body as he pushed his shirt up his body.

Kaidan arched his body into Shepard when he raked his teeth over his nipple. Shepard quickly undid Kaidan’s belt, his hand expertly slipping underneath his jeans. He bit down hard enough around Kaidan’s nipple to make a deep impression of his teeth in Kaidan’s skin. Kaidan moaned, once again tightening his grip on Shepard’s hair.

Shepard moved back up Kaidan’s body, continuing to move his hand as he kissed him. He moved to kiss Kaidan’s neck, moving up his jaw before gently nibbling Kaidan’s earlobe.

“I love you,” Kaidan moaned, rubbing his own hand against Shepard.

“God, I love you,” Shepard almost mumbled against Kaidan’s skin. “I missed all of this. All of you.”

And that was how Kaidan came to be laying on his stomach, completely naked, as he read through his textbook, post-sex. He smiled whenever Shepard ghosted his lips over his shoulder blade, his spine—any part of his body. He turned his head to look at Shepard when he heard the faint noise of a pencil sketching against paper.

Shepard propped his body against the bed’s headboard, resting his leather sketchbook against his knee. He looked up at Kaidan, smiling when he noticed he turned to look at him.

“What?” Shepard asked when he felt Kaidan’s eyes lingering on him.

“I thought you didn’t draw anymore,” Kaidan explained his reason for looking. “That’s why you left that here,” he gestured towards Shepard’s sketchbook, recalling how he tossed it onto his desk, informing him to look at his own risk.

“I _didn’t_ draw anymore,” Shepard replied, using his index finger to smudge and fade one of the lines, rotating the pencil quickly in his hand. “I was inspired,” he gave Kaidan a flirtatious smile as he looked up above the edge of his book.

“‘Draw me like you do your French girls’,” Kaidan teased, laughing when Shepard playfully pushed him towards the other edge of the bed with his foot.

“Trust me, I am capturing you in all your naked glory,” Shepard replied.

Kaidan turned onto his side, facing Shepard as he looked up at him. He playfully pulled the sheet over part of his body, slightly chuckling when Shepard stopped drawing, arching his eyebrow at Kaidan’s movements.

“Playing bashful?” Shepard inquired.

“Leaves more to the imagination,” Kaidan offered. “Would you prefer it lower?” He moved the sheet slightly lower, ghosting it just over his hips. He gave Shepard a few minutes to draw him before he moved the sheet once more.

“You are a horrible model,” Shepard stated before he finally tossed his sketchbook to the side. He playfully lunged forward, grasping Kaidan’s hands to pin them above his head. He smiled when Kaidan laughed in response, letting his head rest against the bed.

“I happily surrender,” Kaidan stated.

“Good, because I’m not letting you leave this room all weekend,” Shepard replied before gently kissing Kaidan. “I have you all to myself for once.”

“I enjoy the sound of that,” Kaidan responded, smiling into their kiss.

Kaidan moved his hands down Shepard’s body, coming to rest on his hips. There was nothing new in his hands roaming Shepard’s body, as they had done countless times before. But for the first time, he made a mental note of the thin, small stripes of flesh that were slightly raised above the rest of Shepard’s skin. He didn’t think anything of it until Shepard’s entire body became rigid from his fingertips caressing against the scars.

Kaidan was surprised when Shepard suddenly moved his body to the side, sitting up as he kept himself out of his reach. He knew something was wrong, and he was uncertain if he had crossed some unspoken line.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan muttered, uncertain what to do. He waited a few moments before he finally gained the courage to ask him, “Are they scars?”

“Yes,” Shepard replied, staring off to the side so he didn’t have to look at Kaidan.

“Are they … are they from the accident?” Kaidan asked.

“No,” Shepard stated. “From me.”

It took a few moments for Kaidan to process what Shepard had said before he understood his statement. He sat up, slowly moving closer to Shepard. He was uncertain how to respond to that statement. “Why?”

“It was after the car accident. I cut too deep one time,” Shepard admitted. “I stopped.” He turned his head, looking at Kaidan. “When I met you, I stopped.”

“I’m glad you stopped,” Kaidan whispered as he leaned over to kiss Shepard gently.

“It doesn’t … repulse you?” Shepard hesitated as he asked the question.

“Repulse?” Kaidan asked in surprise.

“That I did that to myself?” Shepard sounded desperate, as if his life depended on Kaidan’s response.

“No. No, it doesn’t repulse me. It actually makes me hate that I didn’t know you sooner,” Kaidan explained. He hesitated before finally admitting the one thing that bothered him since before they started dating. “I looked up the accident. Before you came over to help pick apples the first time.” He paused, but when Shepard didn’t react, he decided to continue. “And for a long time, I didn’t understand why I was so upset over it. But I get it now.” He leaned forward, taking Shepard’s hand in his. “Because you’re an amazing person, and something that terrible shouldn’t have happened to you. Because there is nothing more that I want than to be able to comfort you in that moment,” his voice cracked as he spoke. “So, please. Please don’t do that again. I can’t stand thinking about you hurting,” he knew he had tears in his eyes, but he didn’t care. Picturing Shepard being along, and hurting like that, without being able to help him was agony.

“I won’t. I have you now,” Shepard responded with a small smile. “I did it to … to feel alive. To convince myself that I was still here by feeling pain. But I don’t need it anymore.”

“I make you feel alive?” Kaidan asked, looking up at him in surprise.

“Corny, I know,” Shepard responded.

“No,” Kaidan replied as he placed a gentle kiss on Shepard’s shoulder. “It was romantic as hell, and makes me feel incredibly special.”

The silence that fell between them was comfortable and loving, both knowing that they didn’t have to speak as they left that conversation behind. The minute Kaidan didn’t look at him different, Shepard was fine with accepting what he had done. It was out of pain and desperation, but it didn’t make Shepard feel better to think of it that way. _I felt alone … I was alone. But I have Kaidan, now_ , he thought to himself as Kaidan pulled him down to the bed with him.

Shepard placed a gentle kiss on Kaidan’s chest before he turned to rest his head there, listening to the sound of Kaidan’s heart beat beneath his ear. He idly drummed his fingers against Kaidan’s ribs, keeping in rhythm with his heartbeat.

“I’m about to get corny and ask you to go to prom with me,” Shepard suddenly stated, looking up at Kaidan.

Kaidan stared at Shepard, uncertain if he was hearing him correctly. _Prom. With Shepard._

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Shepard suddenly added, feeling as if Kaidan’s silence meant his rejection.

“No, I want to go,” Kaidan argued as he turned his body into Shepard’s. “I just didn’t think we would be able to go. You know?”

“Prom is supposed to celebrate an end to high school, right?” Shepard looked at Kaidan as he spoke. “Being with those you want to be with. And I want to be with you, Kaidan.”

“Is that why you’ve been so nervous around me?” Kaidan asked, thinking about all the times Shepard would quickly part from him over the past few weeks.

“I was nervous that asking you would push you away somehow. I thought you were trying to keep busy to give us some space,” Shepard admitted. “I’m just scared that I’m going to mess this up.”

“You’re not,” Kaidan reassured him, gently touching his cheek to turn his head to look at him. “I love you, and I would love to go to prom with you.”

Shepard smiled, leaning in to kiss Kaidan, murmuring a quiet ‘I love you more,’ against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit of a filler. However, I figured some calm before the storm would be nice.
> 
> Next chapter is where things get messy, emotional, and all that jazz. But a nice fluffy ending will be waiting to catch you in the end, I promise <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains bullying. Vulgar comments are made.
> 
> Remember, if you or someone you know is bullied, there are ways to stop it. There are people to talk to. Teachers, peers, parents, etc.

Shepard smiled at Kaidan as he passed him on his way to his own locker down the hallway, knowing that everyone was buzzing about who he bought an accompanying prom ticket for. Kaidan returned his smile before looking down, trying to hide his joy as he listened to Liara talk.

“Hey, Shepard,” Liara greeted him, knowing that Kaidan and him were sharing a moment.

“Hey,” Shepard responded, taking his eyes off of Kaidan as he continued towards his locker. He was thinking quietly to himself as he unlocked his locker, when he heard a faint tap of someone leaning against the locker next to him.

“So Loco, what’s going on?” James’ voice asked.

“Nothing much, you?” Shepard responded.

“We just haven’t seen much of you lately. Plus, you ditched the party last weekend without letting us know where you were going,” James explained.

“I had some place to be,” Shepard reasoned.

“You ditched your baby at Garrus',” Steve stated from his spot next to James as he mentioned Shepard's abandoned bike.

“That girl really worth it?” James asked.

“Huh?” Shepard looked at them for the first time.

“The girl you’re taking to prom,” Ian Manning finally stated from his spot near the alcove where half of the basketball team stood with him. Among them were half of the cheerleaders. _Almost everyone I can’t stand_ , Shepard thought to himself.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Shepard stated as he closed his locker.

“Everyone knows you bought two tickets, idiot,” Ian shot back.

“Maybe I picked one up for Garrus,” Shepard calmly reasoned.

“Tali already picked theirs up,” the blond girl hanging on Ian’s arm replied in a snobby tone. Shepard tried to remember her name to no avail. _Brittany? Jessica? … Queen Bitch?_

“I don’t see why it’s such a big deal,” Shepard replied.

“Just curious if we were going to get to meet her,” James took control of the conversation again, trying to butt both Ian and Queen Bitch out. “You know, prior to prom.”

“You’ll meet my date. You already know them, actually,” Shepard carefully chose his pronouns.

“What, you finally work up the balls to ask Miranda?” Ian snidely commented.

“No, I don’t need a date,” Miranda curtly interrupted him. She seemed more pissed at Ian than anyone else, and Shepard could swear she was giving him a sympathetic look.

“Face it, Leon, you’re not as popular as you thought,” Queen Bitch stated.

“Popularity is worthless once we graduate this hell hole,” Shepard stated. Everyone turned to stare at him, shocked at his admittance.

“That’s what all the losers say,” Ian retorted.

“Give me a second to go grab my date,” Shepard stated to James and Steve when he turned on his heel, heading back over to Kaidan’s locker. He didn’t know what he was doing, but something inside him snapped at the popular asses dictating their own edicts.

“Shepard,” Liara greeted him, arching her eyebrow.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said his name, grabbing his hand.

Kaidan looked shocked at Shepard, looking around to see if someone was watching them. “What are you doing?” He whispered.

“You love me, right?” Shepard asked him seriously.

Kaidan took a second, looking at Liara for confirmation that he wasn’t crazy and Shepard was holding his hand in the History hallway—the busiest hallway in Normandy High. Liara smiled and nodded as she backed away some to give them space, giving him a thumbs up.

“You know I do,” Kaidan finally admitted as he looked back at Shepard.

“Well, I want everyone to know that I love you,” Shepard explained. “And that you're the one I'm taking to prom. So … let’s make a statement,” he offered a small smile, hoping he wasn’t pushing Kaidan.

Kaidan felt consumed by his thoughts; what would his parents think? What would everyone else think? And then suddenly the only thing Kaidan could see or think of was Shepard. _I have him. Nothing else matters_ , he thought.

“Okay,” Kaidan finally said with a faint smile, closing his locker before entwining his fingers with Shepard’s.

Shepard smiled as he gently squeezed his hand reassuringly.

And that is how they both came to be sitting in Principal Hackett’s office, sitting across from Ian Manning and his broken nose, Shepard holding the ice pack Dr. Chakwas gave him on his knuckles. Ms. McAnear sat in between Shepard and Kaidan, trying to keep the peace until Principal Hackett could see them.

“Ian!” An older woman called his name as she embraced him, cradling his head in her arms. “Honey, are you alright?” She asked as she inspected his face.

“I’m okay, mom,” Ian replied, still glaring at Shepard.

“What happened?” Ian’s mother demanded when she turned to look at Ms. McAnear. “You’re letting that troublemaker sit in the same room as my son?”

“Mrs. Manning, calm down,” Ms. McAnear said as she started to stand. “Your son is actually the one who started the fight.”

“Then why is my son the only one hurt?” Ian’s mother retorted.

“Because I dodged him,” Shepard blatantly stated.

“Shepard,” Ms. McAnear sternly spoke, her tone telling him to keep quiet until Ryan arrived.

“And what about him?” Ian’s mother gestured towards Kaidan.

“Kaidan didn’t do anything,” Shepard didn’t keep quiet at that, leaning forward in his seat. He glared at Ian, daring him to say Kaidan was involved.

“Yeah, Kaidan had nothing to do with it,” Ian finally stated. “He was just in the way.”

Kaidan continued to stare at his feet, running the events through his head, trying to decide what he was going to tell his parents when they arrived. He remembered walking down the hallway, passed Ms. McAnear’s classroom, and heading towards James and Steve. He felt everyone’s eyes slowly turning to look at them as they walked by.

“Kaidan?” James asked, somewhat surprised when Shepard and Kaidan stopped in front of them. He looked down at Shepard holding Kaidan’s hand. “Wow,” he partly sighed.

“Congrats,” Steve said as he gently hit Kaidan’s shoulder in an encouraging manner. There was something about Steve’s congratulations that almost seemed envious.

 _I wonder if they’ve talked about coming out themselves_ , Kaidan thought as he looked between Steve and James.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Ian’s voice interrupted the moment, making Kaidan look at him as he and his posse started to crowd over, making the rest of the students stop and look.

“Where’s Garrus?” Liara asked Tali when she noticed the crowd.

“I think he’s still in the locker room,” Tali stated.

Liara ran off down the hall, shoving her way passed everyone in an attempt to reach the boy’s locker room before anything happened.

“Garrus!” Liara yelled as she pushed her way into the locker room.

“T’Soni!” Coach Anderson yelled when he noticed she was in the locker room. “Get the hell out of here!”

“I’m not looking, I swear!” Liara yelled back to him as she ran over to Garrus’ locker. “Garrus!”

“Jesus!” Garrus yelled as he stood up, covering his briefs with his shirt. “You know, Blue, if you wanted to know what half the guys in here look like, you probably could just ask to see them naked.”

“Shepard’s going to get in a fight,” Liara blurted out.

“What?” Garrus asked, not bothering to cover himself anymore.

“Ian Manning. Homophobe Ian Manning. Shepard and Kaidan decided that today was the day to admit they are a couple. And I think Shepard’s going to hit him,” Liara stated in a panicked, out of breath voice.

“Shit,” Garrus stated as he threw his shirt at Liara to hold as he pulled his jeans on. He left his shoes and socks behind as they hurried towards the door. “Where are they?”

“History hallway!” Liara yelled after him as she threw his shirt back to him.

Garrus ran as fast as he could, slamming the door open as he pulled his shirt on. He tried pushing through the sea of students, but everyone seemed to have the bright idea of crowding into the History hallway. _Probably to see the fight!_ “Move! Seriously, get out of my way!”

“You went slumming from Miranda to _him_?” Ian laughed at his own pathetic statement. “I never thought of you as a faggot, Shepard.”

Kaidan noticed the sudden rigidness in Shepard’s shoulders. He knew Shepard wanted to hit Ian, but he desperately wished he wouldn’t. He squeezed his hand, a reassuring gesture to let him know that he was there, that not everyone thought the same way as Ian Manning.

“Unless I am fucking you, my sexuality is none of your business, Ian,” Shepard replied through almost clenched teeth.

“So, you’re fucking Kaidan?” Ian let out a small laugh. “How good is he? Better yet, which one takes it?” Queen Bitch and the rest of the posse added a small laugh, encouraging Ian.

“Shut up, Ian,” Steve gave a disgusted groan. “Nobody really thinks you’re funny.”

“You support this, Steve?” Ian asked as a challenge.

“I’m not _ignorantly intolerant_ ,” Steve replied.

“Come on, man. Leave them alone,” James finally interrupted Ian.

“How about you keep your bitch of a boyfriend on a leash, Vega?” Ian replied as he turned back to Shepard and Kaidan.

“How about it, Kaidan?” Ian finally addressed Kaidan. “I can’t see you topping him. Is taking it up the ass as painful as they say it is?”

Kaidan placed his hand on Shepard’s bicep, pulling him back when he moved forward to confront Ian. “Leon, let it go,” he silently urged Shepard to turn away.

Shepard looked at Kaidan, and he could see the earnest pleading in his eyes. He sighed heavily, flipping Ian off before turning to walk away with Kaidan.

“Let me know when he drops you, Kaidan. I may let you ride my dick for a while.” As if to make an emphasis, Ian made a vulgar grab at his own crotch.

Kaidan wasn’t able to grab Shepard in time when he spun around, releasing Kaidan’s hand. “Leon!” He yelled to get his attention, desperately trying to grasp his hand again, but it was just out of reach.

It all happened too quickly for Kaidan to even make out. He knows he saw Ian shove Shepard back before taking a swing at him. Somehow, Shepard gracefully moved to the side, dodging Ian’s fist. He heard Jennifer—Queen Bitch—scream when Shepard punched Ian square in the nose, flattening him into the ground.

It was Ian who pushed Jennifer back as she tried to help him up. He stood up with full intent of fighting Shepard. He moved quickly, nearly tackling Shepard into the lockers. Shepard grimaced some from the impact before he brought his elbow down on Ian’s back, trying to get him off of him.

Garrus was suddenly standing beside Kaidan, asking him if he was alright, but Kaidan couldn’t answer him. He was frozen, staring at what was happening, desperately wishing Shepard didn’t want to let everyone know they were dating. This was what he was afraid of happening.

Garrus moved to enter the fight, when Tali suddenly grabbed him. He turned to argue with her when she pointed towards Shepard and Ian.

Out of nowhere, Ian was suddenly off of Shepard. Ian moved to go back at Shepard when suddenly Ms. McAnear was in front of him. “Think again, Mr. Manning,” she said sternly, holding him by the collar of his shirt. “Shepard!” She almost yelled his name when he moved to go towards Ian, scaring everyone in the hallway. No one ever heard her raise her voice, even when she broke up nearly every fight to ever happen in the History hallway. At Normandy High, the saying goes, ‘Get in a fight, and Ms. McAnear’s a fright.’

And those, as far as Kaidan could remember, were the series of unfortunate events that lead them into waiting for Principal Hackett.

“Mrs. Manning,” Principal Hackett’s voice broke the arguing, making everyone look at him. “I would like you, Ms. McAnear, Leon, and Kaidan to join me in my office. Ian,” he gave Ian a stern look, as if to imply that he saw the entire thing. “If you would be kind enough to wait here.”

Hackett held the door to his office open, gesturing for the four of them to usher in. Ms. McAnear was the one who remained behind Shepard and Kaidan, creating a barrier between them and Mrs. Manning.

“I want to know what is going to happen to these two,” Mrs. Manning stated once the door shut behind her.

“As Ms. McAnear has probably informed you, Ian was the instigator in the fight,” Hackett started.

“My son has a broken nose,” Mrs. Manning argued.

“I know, Mrs. Manning. I want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do,” Hackett gestured to the seat in front of his desk for her to sit. “Now,” he turned to Shepard and Kaidan once Mrs. Manning sat down. “I would like to hear what happened.”

Shepard looked at Kaidan before looking at Principal Hackett. “Kaidan and I were—”

“It was a joke,” Kaidan cut off Shepard.

“A joke?” Hackett questioned.

“Shepard and I were just fooling around,” Kaidan continued to speak without even knowing what he was saying. “And Ian said some pretty mean things. He pushed Shepard, tried to punch him.”

“And is that when you hit him, Shepard?” Hackett asked as he turned his attention to Shepard.

Shepard, however, was unable to respond as he stared at Kaidan. He wasn’t sure why Kaidan was lying about it.

“Shepard,” Ms. McAnear stated his name to gain his attention.

“What?” Shepard looked at her before looking at Hackett. “Oh, yes. Yeah.”

“I wasn’t able to get into the hallway until after that,” Ms. McAnear explained. “Miranda Lawson came in to get me, and I was unfortunately too late.”

 _That’s where Miranda went_ , Kaidan thought as he recalled her slipping past the crowd.

“Of course they would make themselves out to be the victims,” Mrs. Manning started to stand as she accused Shepard and Kaidan.

“With respect, Mrs. Manning,” Ms. McAnear started. “This will be Ian’s third fight in his high school career.”

“And what about them?”

“Kaidan does not have a record,” Ms. McAnear calmly stated. “And Shepard has not had any problems since his transfer here.” She looked at Hackett before stating, “We all know his godfather wouldn’t let—”

“I think that’s a biased opinion,” Mrs. Manning suddenly chimed in.

“What?” Ms. McAnear questioned her, the tone of her voice daring Mrs. Manning to continue.

“The whole town knows how you _favor_ Elijah Ryan,” Mrs. Manning accused.

Shepard looked from Mrs. Manning to Ms. McAnear, trying to understand the hidden meaning before the sound of police sirens echoed loudly from outside. Principal Hackett stood, opening the blinds to the window in order to see the unmarked police car pulled up in front of the entrance, lights still flashing.

“It would seem Detective Ryan has arrived,” Hackett stated as he turned to look at Shepard.

A very rushed and slightly panting Ryan burst through the door to Hackett’s office, making a b-line for Shepard when he saw him. “Are you okay?” He asked as he inspected him, relieved when he didn’t notice anything immediately wrong with him.

Shepard nodded, murmuring a simple, “I’m fine.” He noticed Ryan turn his attention to Kaidan before asking him if he was okay as well.

Kaidan nodded quickly, unable to verbally answer Ryan’s question.

“Detective, as you can see—” Hackett started to address the situation when Ryan suddenly turned to Mrs. Manning.

“What the hell was your kid doing attacking my son?” Ryan pointed into the waiting room at Ian as he spoke.

Shepard stared up at Ryan in surprise, shocked that he called him his son. Ryan, however, didn’t seem to be fazed by referring to Shepard as his son as he started to argue with Mrs. Manning.

“Detective!” Ms. McAnear’s voice was the one that stopped Ryan from arguing. He turned to look at her before nodding in agreement.

“Thank you for keeping the peace, Ms. McAnear,” Hackett commented before he cleared his throat. “Two students fighting is a serious occurrence, and the school board will want to get to the bottom of this. Until then, Kaidan, Leon, and Ian will be dismissed for the remainder of the day. Possibly the week if the board takes that long to investigate.”

Shepard turned to look at Kaidan, noticing that he only nodded his head in agreement. _This is my fault._ He wanted to fix it all; stop Ian from enticing him into a fight. _I should have walked away_. He opened his mouth to say something when Mr. and Mrs. Alenko suddenly walked in to Hackett’s office.

“Kaidan, sweetheart, are you okay?” Mrs. Alenko asked as she took Kaidan’s face in her hands.

“I’m fine, mom,” Kaidan stated.

“Come on,” Ryan stated to Shepard, taking his arm in his hand as they started to walk out of the office.

Shepard couldn’t argue with Ryan, not when Kaidan refused to even look at him. _I need to talk to him_ , he continued to repeat in his mind as he thought about what he could possibly say to make this better. He didn’t even really register that Ian was even in the waiting room as he filed out of Hackett’s office before Ryan.

“Faggot,” Ian muttered under his breath, loud enough for Shepard to hear him.

Shepard snapped when he heard him. “Looks like a faggot broke your fucking nose!” He barked, jumping forward to grab him. He didn’t know exactly what he thought he was going to do, but all he saw was red whenever he looked at Ian.

“Knock it off!” Ryan almost yelled, grabbing Shepard as he forcibly moved them out of the office. He waited until they were in the parking lot before he said anything to Shepard. “What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation right now,” Shepard stated as he started to walk away from Ryan. He had to talk to Kaidan. _I have to apologize._

“Hey,” Ryan grabbed Shepard by his arm to stop him. “I think I’ve been pretty good dealing with you breaking a kid’s nose. You can at least tell me—”

“I’m gay!” Shepard finally stated in a loud voice. He knew it was a loud declaration, but he didn’t care anymore. The entire school, and soon the entire town would know by the end of the week. “I’m gay, okay?”

Ryan’s eyebrows knit together as he processed Shepard’s words.

“And I don’t care if you’re pissed or whatever. It’s who I am, and I’m not going to change because of people like Ian Manning,” Shepard stated, trying to keep his voice from breaking. The adrenaline was making his pulse pound in his ears. He didn’t know how Ryan would react, but he was positive yelling it at him in the parking lot of the school wasn’t the right way to approach it.

“That’s why they called you into the office? Because that punk made homophobic remarks?” Ryan questioned. Shepard was positive Ryan’s anger was directed at Ian and not him, but part of him was still expecting that crushing rejection from the one person he was supposed to rely on.

“I have to talk to Kaidan,” Shepard almost pleaded with Ryan when he saw the Alenkos walking out of the main entrance.

Ryan followed Shepard’s line of sight, spotting the Alenkos walking out with Kaidan as they talked to him. “Come on,” he stated patting Shepard’s shoulder before he walked over to the Alenkos.

“Hank, Helen,” Ryan called Mr. and Mrs. Alenko’s names as he approached them.

“Ryan,” Mrs. Alenko smiled when she recognized him.

“Detective,” Mr. Alenko greeted him as he shook Ryan’s hand.

Kaidan looked up from the ground to see Ryan. He avoided making eye contact with Shepard before walking straight for the car.

“Kaidan,” Shepard gently called his name, trying to avoid drawing the attention of Mr. and Mrs. Alenko.

“Just go home Shepard,” Kaidan stated in a defeated tone as he continued to walk towards his parents’ car.

“Why are you acting like this?” Shepard asked as he reached for Kaidan’s arm. He was more than shocked when Kaidan pulled out of his reach.

Kaidan turned to face Shepard before he looked to the ground. _I can’t look him in the eye and lie. He’ll know._ “What I said in there was true. It’s over,” Kaidan murmured as he concentrated on the fading paint of the parking spots.

“Over? Because Ian Manning is a degenerate asshole?” Shepard asked, raising his voice slightly.

“Because it … it was a phase.” Kaidan bit his lip slightly, shocked that he was able to say most of those words without stuttering.

“That’s not you talking,” Shepard uttered in complete disbelief, more in an attempt to convince himself than argue with Kaidan.

“Don’t make this difficult, Shepard.” Kaidan started to open the door to the back seat of his parents’ car when Shepard unexpectedly slammed it shut with great force.

“Bullshit!” Shepard yelled, catching not only the attention of the Alenkos but Ryan as well. “The Kaidan I know would be able to look me in the eye if that were true.”

Kaidan felt his stomach begin to churn. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Shepard and tell him nothing mattered. Tell him the world could go to hell, as far as he was concerned. But that would be a lie. _The world has it out for us. This is the only way to protect him._

“Shepard,” Kaidan said his name in an exhausted tone.

“ _Stop_ saying my name like that.” Shepard said through clenched teeth. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me,” his voice cracked as he spoke. When Kaidan didn’t respond, Shepard grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him slightly. “Tell me!” he begged.

Kaidan lifted his head, looking Shepard in the eye. He could see his parents staring from their distant spot with Ryan. Kaidan swallowed, his mouth running dry as he made a decision. He made sure to look above the rim of his glasses when he looked back at Shepard, knowing that he couldn’t say what he needed to if he saw Shepard’s reaction. “I don’t love you,” Kaidan said in a straight tone as he backed out of Shepard’s reach. His ears rang loudly, his heart pounding hard in his chest, and he couldn’t believe he was able to say those words out loud.

Shepard didn’t respond, but Kaidan could tell his back went rigid. He even tried to back up some, his feet tripping slightly as they moved sluggishly compared to his brain’s directions.

“You don’t … mean that,” Shepard’s words almost turned into a question. _He’s lying … he’s lying. He said he’d always … love me._

“It was a stupid phase. Just leave it at that,” Kaidan thought he said, but he wasn’t sure anymore. His brain wasn’t thinking as fast as his mouth was moving. He turned to the car, opening the door before sitting down. He shut the door to place a barrier between him and Shepard, a weak attempt to prevent him from seeing through Kaidan’s lie.

Shepard didn’t say anything, but merely remained still. He was staring at Kaidan through the window of the car, as he replayed what he said. Shepard finally was able to turn away from the car completely, his mind still reeling from what just happened. He was so distracted that he didn’t hear the Alenkos or Ryan approach him. Ryan reached his hand out to touch Shepard’s shoulder when suddenly he jerked from his touch and took off running towards his motorcycle.

Kaidan turned to watch Shepard run off. He turned his head to look down at his hands. _I’m disgusting_ , he thought. He was unable to imagine what he just put Shepard through.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Shepard sat in the same spot he and Kaidan used to watch the shooting stars, and it only hurt him more. He looked up at the sky, trying hard to focus on anything besides remembering the moments they spent at the overlook.

“Mind if I join you?” Ryan asked as he approached Shepard.

Shepard closed his eyes, knowing that it was inevitable that Ryan would find him sooner or later. “How did you find me?” He finally asked as he continued to look out over the town. He tucked his knees under his chin as he held them tighter against his chest.

“I am a detective, you know,” Ryan stated as he sat down next to Shepard. “It didn’t take me long to figure out you and Kaidan were more than friends.” He held out Shepard’s leather bound sketchbook.

“I was looking for this,” Shepard replied nonchalantly as he took the book from Ryan.

“You had left it in Samara’s classroom,” Ryan explained. “It doesn’t take a detective to figure out what those sketches mean.”

“We were safe, okay?” Shepard replied angrily. “You wouldn’t be going through this whole stupid speech if Kaidan was a girl.”

“Watch it,” Ryan stated. “I don’t appreciate being accused of intolerance. And I am not ‘going through’ a speech like that.” He allowed a few moments to pass before he added, “And I _would_ be giving you a speech about teen pregnancy if Kaidan was a girl. Luckily, I can skip that.”

Shepard turned his head away from Ryan.

“And I don’t care what your sexuality is. As long as you are safe and it’s consensual,” Ryan noticed Shepard’s body tense. “I know you aren’t stupid, so I don’t have to have that conversation with you. But I wanted to talk with you about what happened in the parking lot today.”

“I don’t,” Shepard replied stubbornly.

“Well I am going to talk, so shut up and listen,” Ryan stated, ignoring Shepard’s grumbling mutter of disapproval. “I’m guessing the fight was about that kid’s _remarks_ about you and Kaidan. And I shouldn’t say this, but I am actually proud of you for breaking his nose,” he smiled when Shepard looked at him in surprise. “And Kaidan broke up with you?”

“Yeah,” Shepard answered, looking away from Ryan as he picked at the grass next to him. He was trying to not sound like he was affected by it, but he was failing.

“I know it feels like shit,” Ryan responded. “To have someone you love, reject you like that. It feels like a hole gets punched through your chest.”

“Like you’re drowning and you just wish someone would reach in and pull you out,” Shepard added. “He said he loved me,” he almost whispered. He bit his bottom lip tightly as he thought of never holding Kaidan again. Never talking with him like he used to. Never being able to smile at him the same way again. And then it suddenly hit him that Kaidan had broken up with him. He buried his head in his arms and knees, a weak attempt to hide his face from Ryan.

Ryan slowly placed his arm over Shepard’s shoulders in a comforting manner. He slowly rubbed Shepard’s shoulder as he began to cry harder.

“There are things in life that are out of our control and we can’t change them. We have to accept them and make the choice of whether or not we are going to give up. There are going to be other times—like today—when you fall down, and feel like you don’t have the strength to get back up.” Ryan tightened his grip on Shepard’s shoulder as he spoke. “But as long as you try, as long as you know I’m standing behind you a hundred percent of the way, there’s _always_ that chance of getting back up. It’s not the end, Leon. Not until you’ve given up. There is still hope.” He let Shepard continue to cry, allowing him the time he needed to let out the pain.

~0~0~0~0~0~

“Honey,” Mrs. Alenko called as she knocked on the door to Kaidan’s bedroom.

“Yes?” Kaidan weakly called as he quickly hid the picture of him and Shepard he was staring at under his pillow. He sat up, pushing his pillow down on the picture. He tried to wipe the tears from his eyes.

“I made some hot chocolate,” Mrs. Alenko said as she approached Kaidan. She placed the mug down on his nightstand when she realized he was keeping his face hidden from her. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about … whatever it was that happened, but I’m hear to listen if you want to.”

Mrs. Alenko waited a few moments before she nodded to herself. She knew her son needed some time to himself, but it hurt not being able to help him. She started to walk towards the door, giving Kaidan the space he needed.

“I’m gay,” Kaidan stated weakly. He heard his mother’s footsteps stop in reaction. “Shepard and I …” His voice suddenly broke as he began to cry.

Kaidan tried to calm his breathing when he suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He felt the bed bend under the weight of his mother sitting down next to him. She gently kissed the back of his head as she rubbed her hand over his back.

“Honey, it’s alright,” Mrs. Alenko stated in a soothing voice. “Take a few deep breaths. It’s okay.”

Kaidan held onto his mother’s arm to prevent himself from falling forward off the bed. He took several deep breaths, releasing them slowly as he took solace in his mother’s reassuring words.

The room fell into silence once Kaidan was able to calm his breathing. His mom’s fingers moved a few stray strands of his hair behind his ear.

“Better?” Mrs. Alenko asked as her hand continued to slowly rub circles on Kaidan’s back.

Kaidan nodded in response, eager to hear his mother’s reaction to his confession. If there was one thing he hated about his mother, it was her ability to hide what she was thinking.

“Are you mad?” Kaidan asked in an almost inaudible whisper.

“Why would I be mad?” Mrs. Alenko sincerely asked.

“That I’m not … normal,” Kaidan stated.

“Kaidan Matthew Alenko.” Kaidan cringed slightly at the use of his full name and the sternness of his mother’s voice. “I am … I can’t even think of the word.”

“Appalled?” Kaidan weakly offered.

“Appalled that you would think I’d be mad at you for being who you are,” Mrs. Alenko used her free hand to force Kaidan to look at her. “And there is _nothing_ wrong with you. It’s society that has the problem. There is nothing wrong with loving someone who happens to be the same sex as you. There _is_ something wrong with how people view it as abnormal.”

“What about dad?” Kaidan asked, relieved that his mother was accepting.

“I’m sure your father feels the same way,” Mrs. Alenko honestly answered. “Now, what happened with Shepard?”

“We …” Kaidan shook his head. “I broke up with him,” he stated, placing his face in his hands. “I was scared everyone at school would start treating us poorly if they knew.”

“‘Us’ or ‘him’?” Mrs. Alenko asked.

“Him. I didn’t want him to get hurt,” Kaidan admitted.

“So instead of sticking it out, you want him to hurt alone?”

“Mom,” Kaidan partially groaned. “It’s not like that. He’s never … He’s been through so much already. He doesn’t need to be at the receiving end of everyone’s bullying.” He knew his mom saw the world in a different way than he did. _She didn’t go to present-day high school_ , his thoughts reassured him. “It’s just the way things are. Everyone knows that.”

“So you think that because other people accept this outcome, then it’s the right one?” Mrs. Alenko asked. “What about what you two want? Shouldn’t you do what makes you happy?”

Kaidan remained silent, not knowing what to say to his mother. “Well, I was going to tell him that you were too sick to see anyone, but I think it will do you good,” Mrs. Alenko stated, placing a gentle kiss on Kaidan’s head before standing.

“Who?” Kaidan asked in a panic. _I can’t see Shepard right now_ , he thought.

“Detective Ryan. He wanted to talk with you about what happened. To hear your side of the story,” Mrs. Alenko explained.

“I … I can’t,” Kaidan argued his mother.

“Kaidan Alenko.” The use of his last name made him sigh, thankful though that she didn’t use his middle name.

“Alright,” Kaidan replied, standing up as he trudged his way over to the door. He slowly made his way down the steps, dreading the lecture he was certain Ryan was about to give him.

“Hey, Kaidan,” Ryan greeted him as he watched him walk out onto the porch.

“Detective Ryan,” Kaidan greeted him back.

“I just wanted to get down your side of the story,” Ryan explained. “I’m not here to interrogate anybody.”

Kaidan shifted his body from side to side, hesitating as he thought about the events, trying to think of how to word what exactly transpired.

“Well,” Kaidan started. “Shepard and I were in the hallway together and Ian was saying some pretty vulgar things.” _‘Let me know when he drops you, Kaidan. I may let you ride my dick for a while.’_ “Mostly towards me,” he added.

“Vulgar?” Ryan questioned, as if it was the first time he heard it. “How so?”

“Um …” Kaidan wasn’t sure how he should word Ian’s ‘offer’, or if he should even tell Ryan.

“Were they sexual?” Ryan finally asked.

Kaidan only nodded, not looking at Ryan. “And he said some stuff that really upset Shepard. But Ian swung at Shepard first,” he added, looking at Ryan for the first time. “Shepard dodged him and then hit him back.”

“Unfortunately, Kaidan, that’s not how self defense works,” Ryan sighed. “Leon can get away with elbowing him when he had him pinned against the locker, but not for breaking his nose. Mrs. Manning doesn’t care if her son started it.” He looked at Kaidan, watching his movements before he looked at the house, surveying to see if Mr. and Mrs. Alenko were in hearing range. “Personally, I think the kid should get in trouble for his homophobia, but that’s going to be a hard case to file.”

“What?” Kaidan looked at Ryan, his ears turning scarlet red. _Shepard told him?_

“I know about you and Shepard,” Ryan confessed. “Please don’t look so shocked, I am a detective. It makes me feel like you guys think I’m an idiot at my job.”

“I wasn’t implying that, it’s just—”

“Shepard just told me,” Ryan corrected him. “He also told me that you broke up with him.”

Kaidan remained silent.

“That’s the real reason I came here, Kaidan. I wanted to talk with you about it. Make sure you aren’t pushing Shepard away for the wrong reasons,” Ryan explained.

“I … I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore,” Kaidan fumbled.

“Right,” Ryan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, Kaidan, I know what it’s like to be afraid. To have that fear built up inside you when you think about the world around you. The fear of never being accepted.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go,” Kaidan weakly stated as he moved backwards, making his way towards the house. He wanted to run away from Ryan because he knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t want someone to understand his pain and make him face it. He wanted to hide from it, and his best solution was suffering it out alone before going to college as far away as possible.

“The fear is that you’re never going to be good enough. That you’re going to end up alone, but you can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid of people rejecting you,” Ryan stated, his words causing Kaidan to pause as he opened the door. “All those people, the ones who look down at you, call you names, tell you that you can’t succeed, they start to make you believe that you’re not good enough. That you’re a failure.” He paused before continuing, “That you’ll never be somebody someone would want.” He sighed, realizing that Kaidan wasn’t going to respond to him. “You have to accept yourself first, Kaidan.”

Ryan hesitated before he quickly walked back down the porch steps. He paused as he reached his car, turning back to face Kaidan. “Piece of advice, Kaidan. People can either accept who you are, or they can fuck off.”

Kaidan looked back at Ryan as he got into his car. He watched him leave, pondering how he was going to face everyone in school after this. He turned and walked back into the house, greeted by his mother. He walked straight into her embrace, never wanting to let go of her.

“When you’re ready,” Mrs. Alenko started. “You should talk with dad.”

“Mom, I …” Kaidan started as he separated from his mother’s embrace.

“I can’t do it for you, honey,” Mrs. Alenko stated as she brushed Kaidan’s hair back with her fingertips. “But I’ll stay with you.”

“Okay,” Kaidan finally stated in defeat. He smiled when his mother took his arm, walking with him into the living room where his father was sitting, watching the television.

“Hank,” Mrs. Alenko called his name, only to be greeted with a small grunt that registered he heard her. “Hank,” she said in a more stern voice before she snatched the television remote from him, quickly turning off the television.

“Yes, dear?” Mr. Alenko asked as he looked at her. He looked between Kaidan and Mrs. Alenko before sitting up some. “What’s wrong?”

Mrs. Alenko looked over at Kaidan before looking back at Mr. Alenko. “Kaidan has something to tell us. Well, you,” she made sure to choose her words carefully.

“I’m not going to ground him for something he didn’t do,” Mr. Alenko stated, referring to the situation earlier.

“It’s not that,” Mrs. Alenko stated, looking at Kaidan as she gave him a reassuring smile.

“Dad,” Kaidan started, looking down at his hands as he fidgeted. “What happened today had to do with Shepard and me,” he felt his heart racing, unable to look at his father as he spoke. “And …” His voice broke off when he realized he couldn’t say it. He didn’t want to know how his father felt if he was going to hate him now. He didn’t want to be the reason his parents got in a fight.

“And you’re dating,” Mr. Alenko calmly stated. “I figured.”

“What?” Mrs. Alenko questioned. “How did you figure that out? You don’t pay attention to anything.”

“I saw you two kiss in the orchard a few months back,” Mr. Alenko explained as he stood up.

Kaidan couldn’t think properly, trying to process the fact that his father knew longer than his mother. _Longer than almost everyone else_ , he thought as he recalled the memory of stealing a quick kiss from Shepard before heading up to the house for dinner.

“And you didn’t tell me?” Mrs. Alenko asked in surprise.

Mr. Alenko ignored her as he pulled Kaidan in a gentle hug. Kaidan smiled, tightly gripping the back of his father’s shirt as he tried not to cry.

“I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t tell us,” Mr. Alenko stated, gently rubbing the back of Kaidan’s head in a reassuring manner. “But we love you, no matter what. And you could do a hell of a lot worse than Shepard.”

Kaidan forced a smile, hurt that his father didn’t know he broke up with him. Hurt that he even broke up with him in the first place.

“Well, that’s the last time I expect you to tell me anything,” Mrs. Alenko stated as she crossed her arms, watching them break from their embrace.

“If I told you, half of the town would have known before dinner,” Mr. Alenko quipped back.

“Oh,” Mrs. Alenko moved her hands in front of her in a dismissive manner before she headed for the kitchen to start dinner.

Mr. Alenko ruffled Kaidan’s hair, making him smile at the comfort the playful gesture gave him. He was more than relieved when he realized his parents were more than supportive. More than he thought they would have been. His thoughts drifted to Ryan, curious if Ryan was able to make Shepard feel as much at ease as his parents did. He felt the knot in his stomach intensify when he thought of Shepard, and what he said to him in the parking lot. _None of this means anything without him_ , he thought, running his hand through his hair. _I don’t know what to do_. He sighed in defeat as he felt more lost and confused than he had before Shepard ever entered his life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains talk and the aftermath of attempted suicide. I am warning you now, because the last thing I want is for this to be a trigger for someone.
> 
> I also want to take time to note that if you, or a friend, has suicidal thoughts or behavior, remember that you are not alone. There are many ways for you to seek out the help needed. Talk to a loved one, family members, friends, over you can even contact me and I can help you find people and organizations that can help. Please, please stay in this world, because it does get better. I've experienced the horror and beauty this world has to offer. And trust me when I say, the beauty is worth struggling through the pain. The beauty of the love people have for you is worth it. Remember, you do matter <3

Shepard didn’t remember much. It wasn’t that he wanted to, it was more that every time he tried, all he could seem to picture or see was a haze. He remembered Ryan’s worried face hovering over his, his panicked voice as he dialed the phone calling in an ambulance with his badge number—a weak guarantee that they would send one faster. He remembered feeling a hard enough smack hitting him across the face to try and keep him awake.

Shepard remembered enough to know that he failed in his attempt. He looked down at his arms, seeing wires and tubes running from him in an I.V. as he looked at the beeping monitors. He remembered being like this before. It was right after his parents died. He was stuck in a hospital bed with cops questioning him as he begged to see his parents.

“Even as his guardian, I am legally obligated to not tell you anything because he is 18,” the doctor informed someone from behind the curtain.

“How about as the responding officer?” Ryan’s voice bit back, aggravated with the doctor.

“Elijah, he legally can’t tell you,” Ms. McAnear’s voice tried to calm Ryan.

 _Why is Ms. McAnear here?_ Shepard wondered, hoping that the school wouldn’t find out about this. _Liara probably already knows, which means … Kaidan will find out_ , he tightly closed his eyes, fighting the tears.

“Because of his mental state,” the doctor offered. “I can inform you that we found evidence of former self-harm,” the doctor’s voice informed Ryan.

“What?” Ryan’s voice sounded shocked.

“He has scars on his hip,” the doctor explained. “They were not in the documents from the car crash, which leaves me to believe this isn’t the first time he’s had thoughts like this. They are in slashes, perhaps from running a razor blade or a small knife over the skin.”

“Jesus Christ,” Ryan took a deep breath. Shepard chewed at his bottom lip, hating that Ryan was finding this out. He never wanted him to know.

“They indicate self-harm. However, they could be from … abuse,” the doctor’s tone was one that Shepard didn’t care for.

“You want to take that accusation back while you still can?” Ryan’s voice barked. There was a great deal of anger and challenge in his voice, almost making Shepard smile when he thought of how protective Ryan was.

“Eli,” Ms. McAnear’s voice was calming. Pacing footsteps and the sound of a body turning away from the conversation made Shepard positive that Ryan wanted to punch the doctor for implying he was an abuser.

“As I said, Detective Ryan, they are consistent with self-inflicted injuries. He most likely chose his hip to hide them from you.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Ms. McAnear’s voice broke the silence. “May we see him now?”

“I’m afraid visiting hours are over for those who are not family,” the doctor replied.

“I understand,” Ms. McAnear responded. The sound of footsteps disappeared, indicating that the doctor had left. “I’ll call you later,” her voice sounded strangely hopeful. There was the sound that Shepard knew was a kiss, surprising him when he started to put the pieces together. _Ms. McAnear is the woman he’s been seeing. That’s why I’ve never met her._

“Thank you,” Ryan replied. The sound of footsteps indicated that Ms. McAnear had left now.

It was just Shepard and Ryan, separated from one another by the curtain. Ryan breathed deeply, pacing a bit. _I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to see me either_.

The rollers of the curtain sounded when Ryan finally pulled the plastic material back to see Shepard. Shepard turned his head, staring at Ryan’s shoes, refusing to look him in the eye.

“You’re awake,” Ryan stated, his voice a mixture of joy, relief, and surprise. “How much of that did you hear?”

“You wanted to punch the doctor, didn’t you?” Shepard asked.

“I’ve wanted to punch that doctor for a long time,” Ryan replied. He grabbed the rolling stool meant for the doctor, pulling it up to the side of the bed before sitting on it. “But I really wanted to punch him for that.”

“I never …” Shepard paused, looking at the gauze covering his stitches. “I never meant to hurt you,” he finally stated.

“But you wanted to hurt yourself?” Ryan asked, allowing his hands to remain relaxed as they hung over the side of the bed’s railing.

Shepard watched as Ryan slowly steepled his fingers together before relaxing them apart, making his hands part and come together as if they were a breathing entity. He smiled, remembering how his father used to do the same thing.

“My father used to do that,” Shepard stated, gesturing to Ryan’s hands.

Ryan looked down at his hands, not realizing he was subconsciously moving his hands. “It’s an old army thing,” he explained. “Our C.O. used to tell us that if we were every scared or overwhelmed, that all we needed was a simple repetitive saying or action to calm us down,” he moved his fingers in the small action. “You dad and I came up with this.”

“You’re … scared?” Shepard asked, finally looking Ryan in the eye.

“Yeah,” Ryan admitted, looking back at Shepard.

Shepard could see the exhaustion covering his features. Ryan looked older to him, for some reason. He wasn’t smiling like he normally was, or even giving him a stern look. _He’s worried_.

“I thought you were dead,” Ryan explained.

“I’m …” Shepard looked down at his hands.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Ryan stated as he rested his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “I just … Leon, I’m supposed to take care of you, and I almost failed. I know this thing with Kaidan, happening not that long after losing your mom and dad, seems like a reason to give up, but …”

“You want me to hang around,” Shepard offered, noticing that Ryan was unable to finish his sentence.

“Yeah … ” Ryan faintly replied.

Shepard nodded, knowing he hurt Ryan by making him think that he didn’t believe he cared. “The scars on my hip,” he started. “They were right after the accident. Before I moved here with you.”

“I know it’s hard to think that I have anything valuable to say, but don’t you ever do anything like that or this again,” Ryan replied. “Because I would rather get in a screaming match with you, or take you shooting at the police range, than having you hurt—and hurt yourself—in silence as a way to get out your emotions.”

Shepard stared down at his wrists, not knowing what to day.

“It’s okay to be angry and upset, Leon,” Ryan added. “It’s human to feel that way. Life, more often than not, deals us shitty hands. And sometimes, that makes us want to walk away. But I’m always going to be here to bail you out, okay?” He gently cupped the back of Shepard’s head. “I meant what I said back at the lookout. I’m behind you, one-hundred percent. All I’m asking is that you believe in me, too.”

Shepard nodded, holding onto Ryan’s other hand as he started to silently cry. Ryan stood up, pulling Shepard’s head to rest on his shoulder as he embraced him, gently rubbing the back of his head in a comforting manner.

“I want to go home,” Shepard finally stated.

Ryan didn’t know what to say to that, certain Shepard meant that he wanted to move back to his hometown, away from this place forever. _He’s regressing_ , he grimaced, remembering how Shepard threatened that he was staying in his old house, and that he would run away if Ryan tried to make him move.

“I just don’t want to be in a hospital anymore,” Shepard added.

“You want to go … home?” Ryan asked him, making sure he heard him correctly.

Shepard nodded, pulling back from Ryan. “I just want to sleep in my own bed,” he looked down at himself. “In my own pajamas.”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Ryan stated, ruffling Shepard’s hair as he parted from him. “I’ll try not to punch him,” he added, and he was glad he did when he heard a small laugh come from Shepard.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Shepard was on his stomach, flipping through his sketchbook while resting on his bed. He was somewhat annoyed, having argued with Ryan that he wanted to go to school tomorrow. _You usually don’t have to argue with parents about going to school._ He dropped his book, realizing he just called Ryan his parent. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. _I mean, mom and dad are_ still _mom and dad. But Ryan is … Ryan_.

Shepard sighed, picking up his sketchbook, pausing when he saw what page it landed on. It was the drawing of Kaidan that he started doing the night he asked him to prom. Kaidan was lying on his side, his head resting against his pillow, the bed sheets wrapped around his hips, partially revealing his hip and the faint shading of the base of his cock. Shepard remember not finishing it because Kaidan kept moving, pulling the sheet lower and lower, enticing Shepard to get back in bed. _And it worked, too_ , he recalled, remembering that he threw the book to the side, climbing back into bed with Kaidan for another round of sex. _Kaidan brought it to me the next day, and that’s when I must have left it in class_.

Shepard closed the book, tossing it to land on his desk before he rolled off the bed. He moved his way to exit his room, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth when he heard Ryan’s voice resonating from the kitchen. He tip-toed over to the first step of the stairs before sitting, closely listening to try and decipher what Ryan was saying.

“He’s fine. Well, he’s not _fine_ but he is as well as can be.He’s insisting on going to school tomorrow,” Ryan sighed. “What do you want me to tell him, Samara? That he can’t go to school now? It seems to be the only thing that keeps his mind off of what happened.”

Shepard hugged one of his knees to his chest, feeling guilty that he was the topic of conversation between Ryan and Ms. McAnear.

“What?” Ryan’s voice sounded almost hollow. “What does that mean, Samara?” He sounded mad. “‘Conflict of interest?’ What horseshit is that?” He seemed genuinely angered and confused.

“Samara, don’t,” Ryan almost sounded like he was pleading. “Don’t do this, not over the ph—” His voice stopped. Shepard heard his pacing cease and knew something bad was happening. “Fine,” he finally stated through what sounded like clenched teeth.

“Goodnight … Ms. McAnear.” Shepard cringed at the way Ryan said her name, changing from using her first name.

Shepard heard the sound of the phone being thrown, no doubt smashing against the wall. A faint curse before the sound of the legs a chair scraping across the floor, a small sound indicating that Ryan sat down.

Shepard moved to stand, walking to the bathroom to brush his teeth, giving Ryan time alone. It was only after he finished the task of brushing his teeth that he noticed the light faintly glowing from the kitchen. He began to descend the stairs, making his steps loud enough to inform Ryan that he was coming down. He idly picked at the gauze wrapped around his wrist, nervous and unsure if he should even bother Ryan. He peered in from the doorway, noticing that Ryan was still sitting at the table.

Ryan effortlessly poured more alcohol into his glass, looking up to see Shepard standing there. “Hey,” he greeted him, setting the bottle down. “I’d offer you one, but that would be illegal and ill-parenting.”

Shepard folded his arms across his chest. “Is everything okay?”

“Samara … Ms. McAnear called to tell me about the school board’s decision,” Ryan explained. “They’ve decided to suspend Ian from all curricular activities for the remainder of the semester, excluding prom. He is also on a tight leash. They threatened to expel him and withhold his diploma if he gets one more strike,” he rolled his eyes, clearly not satisfied with Ian’s punishment. “You are to stay after for a week of detention, and Kaidan won’t be subject to any reprimanding as he was a ‘bystander.’” He easily gulped down the remainder of his whiskey, grabbing the bottle to unscrew the cap and pour more.

“Did something else happen?” Shepard asked, not wanting to pry about the phone call, but knew that something bad happened. _I’ve never seen him down whiskey that quickly, not even after mom and dad’s funeral._

“The administration decided that Ms. McAnear had a ‘conflict of interest’ over the situation. She called to _inform_ me of that,” Ryan stated, looking up at Shepard.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard apologized, knowing that he meant Ms. McAnear broke off her relationship with him.

“It’s not your fault,” Ryan replied, looking away from him.

Shepard shifted some, uncomfortable with how abrupt their conversation ended. He was about to turn and head upstairs to bed.

“I miss your mother,” Ryan suddenly stated, halting Shepard in his motions. “I know you are probably thinking that no one could miss your parents more than you, but … it’s still raw for me, too. Still isn’t real.” He looked down at his glass, easily rotating the cup to swirl the liquid.

“You never talk about them,” Shepard stated as he moved into the kitchen. He was surprised to hear about his parents—for the first time from Ryan—as he took the seat across the table from him.

“Felt like I was opening old wounds, you know?” Ryan explained, looking up at Shepard. “Everyone always says you look so much like Troy,” he stated as he observed Shepard’s features.

There was a raw emotion in Ryan’s eyes that Shepard wasn’t used to seeing there. Regret, sorrow, and a type of gentle fondness.

“But all I can see is Hannah,” Ryan finally commented. “Sorry,” he apologized before looking away from Shepard. “You don’t need to hear stuff like that.”

Shepard waited a moment before asking, “What were they like?” He noted Ryan’s surprise at his question. “Everyone always tells me what they were like when I knew them. I just want to know something different about them.”

“Your father was a stubborn ass,” Ryan said with a small laugh. Shepard smiled, thinking about the countless fights he got in with his dad because they both refused to be wrong. “But loyal, brave. And he loved your mother,” he looked down at the glass, almost expecting to find something there.

“Your mom was … Perfect,” Ryan’s voice partially cracked before he cleared his throat.

The dots finally started to come together: reasons Shepard never met Ryan before the funeral, reasons his parents never talked about him, reasons he only ever got a card on his birthday from his mysterious godfather. “You were in love with my mom,” Shepard stated as realization dawned on him.

“Now you sound like Troy. Accusing me of still being in love with Hannah,” Ryan sat his glass down, rubbing his hand over his eyes.

“What happened?” Shepard asked, wanting to know more.

“We grew up together,” Ryan explained. “Your dad and I always playing ‘cops and robbers’ when we were young. Your mom always playing the robber because she refused to be the damsel in distress,” he smiled as he recalled the memories. “And then we grew up. We joined the army, came back and both wanted a girl to fight for. Hannah didn’t know that Troy and I both … loved her. I got to her first.”

“But then how—”

“You’re getting ahead of the story,” Ryan corrected him as he poured more whiskey into his glass. “Troy was pissed that I ‘went behind his back,’” he used air quotations, suggesting it was a direct quote from Shepard’s dad. “When Hannah found out Troy loved her …” He shrugged, drinking some from his glass. “Like I said, I know what it’s like to have someone you love reject you. Having a hole punched through your chest,” he motioned his hand in a circle around his heart.

“What did you do?” Shepard asked, horrified that his parents getting together hurt Ryan so deeply.

“I went back to the only life I knew. I became a military man until I was honorably discharged,” Ryan pulled up the hem of his tank top to show Shepard the huge scar that ran across his torso. “RPG went off in the middle of my squad. They all died as I crawled back to the road, waiting to be found.” He let his shirt fall down, shaking his head as he recalled the memory. “But that wasn’t the last time I saw your parents.”

Shepard stared at Ryan, curious as to when he last saw his parents.

“They got married when I was in the middle of combat, so I couldn’t attend. I was so happy about that. But after this,” he gestured towards his chest as he spoke. “I was in the hospital for a while. And after I was stable enough, I got to visit your mom and dad in the hospital.”

Shepard’s eyebrows knitted together, not recalling a story about his parents in the hospital.

“April 11th. Eighteen years ago,” Ryan filled in the gaps for him.

“The day I was born,” Shepard added, not knowing Ryan was there.

“Your mom and dad asked me to be your godfather,” Ryan started. “At first, I told them flat out no. I didn’t want to be responsible for some snot nosed kid. Least of all the kid of the woman I considered—at the time—the one that got away,” he looked up at Shepard, watching to make sure he didn’t take his words the wrong way. Shepard only sat there, soaking up every word Ryan said.

“But then I saw you,” Ryan looked down at his hands, remembering the feeling of holding Shepard as a baby in his arms. “You were one of the tiniest things I ever held that I was afraid of breaking. And you stopped crying as soon as you heard my dog tags jingling. You pawed at them.” He laughed lightly at the memory. “And then you grabbed ahold of my finger, wrapping your little hand around it, refusing to let go.” He looked up at Shepard. “You fell asleep in my arms and I realized that I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want to give you back.”

“Eli, I …” Shepard could barely speak, recalling how he treated him the day of his parents’ funeral. He yelled at him to get out of his life, told him he hated him. He never knew there was someone else who loved him like his parents did.

“You don’t have to say anything, Leon,” Ryan responded, knowing Shepard was feeling guilty about the past. “What happened … happened. You were grieving, we both were in our own way.” He thought about his words before speaking, not wanting to sound insincere about his grief over Hannah’s and Troy’s deaths. “I’m just glad I can be a part of your life. I’m not happy about how it came about, but I wanted you to know that I have no regrets. Not when it comes to my relationship with your parents … or with you.”

“Me too,” Shepard echoed in reply.

Ryan nodded, letting a small silence fall between them before pushing Shepard’s chair with his foot. “Now get upstairs and go to bed. You have school tomorrow.”

“You’re such a drill sergeant,” Shepard responded.

“I’ve _had_ a drill sergeant,” Ryan replied. “And trust me, I’m far from it.”

Shepard rolled his eyes as he stood, heading towards the door.

“Leon,” Ryan called his name as he stood, walking over to him.

“Huh?” Shepard asked as he turned to look at him. He was surprised when Ryan embraced him, cupping the back of his head with one of his hands.

“I’m proud of you,” Ryan stated into the side of Shepard’s head. “And Ian Manning’s lucky I didn’t pistol whip him,” he added.

Shepard smiled, pressing his face into Ryan’s shoulder as he closed his eyes. He tightened his grip on the back of Ryan’s shirt, feeling something he thought he was missing for the past two years: parental comfort.

“Thank you,” Shepard murmured into Ryan’s shoulder.

“Don’t you ever pull a stunt like last night again,” Ryan stated, his chest heaving slightly when he thought about finding Shepard like he did. “I promised I would take care of you, and I don’t ever want to feel that helpless again, alright? Because I love you, you little piece of shit,” he lovingly muttered when he felt the small sob shudder through Shepard’s body.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard finally croaked out as he cried, overjoyed and scared that someone actually cared.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Ryan repeated as he gently rubbed his back.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan hadn’t seen Shepard for almost a week, prom lingering overhead. He knew Shepard was at school, having spotted him down the hallway, before always turning to head the other way. He was somewhat disappointed when his mom gave him the prom ticket Shepard left in their mailbox. He didn’t want to go to prom, not without Shepard, but his mom and Liara were harassing him to go.

“So, I’m thinking of a blue dress,” Liara stated as she walked beside Kaidan.

“You do look good in blue,” Kaidan replied.

“You promise you aren’t going to bail on me, right?” Liara used her best puppy eyes.

“I wouldn’t ditch you,” Kaidan reassured her.

“Good. And I can’t believe they are letting Ian Manning and Queen Bitch go,” Liara stated when they passed the basketball team’s hang-out alcove. “He is _supposed_ to be banned, but his mommy huffed and puffed.”

Ian glared at Kaidan when he passed, but Kaidan didn’t care anymore. If anything came out of last week’s altercation, it was he was tired of letting pathetic people like Ian Manning and his posse dictate what he did.

“Homophobic pig,” Liara stated as they passed the group.

“Fuck you, T’Soni,” Ian replied.

“In your dreams,” Liara called over the bustling crowd.

Ian’s reign of intimidation had all but ended and people suddenly stopped caring if he threatened someone. It was all because Shepard actually hit him hard enough to flatten him on his ass.

“I’m so glad Shepard broke his nose,” Liara stated. “Sorry, I forgot, no mention of the football captain,” she hugged Kaidan’s arm.

“It’s okay,” Kaidan replied.

“Um, problem,” Tali suddenly stated as she popped up beside Liara.

“What’s up?” Liara asked as they rested by Kaidan’s locker.

Tali looked at Kaidan, hesitating in telling Liara what she heard.

“What?” Liara asked, looking at Kaidan before looking back at Tali.

“It’s about … Shepard,” Tali stated.

“It’s okay, Tali,” Kaidan replied.

“Um, well, it’s about prom,” Tali confessed. “I’m not even supposed to know but Garrus let it slip last night while we were talking in—” she cut herself off as her eyes widened. “In … the uh, kitchen.”

“Were you doing naughty things in the kitchen?” Liara teased.

“Stop it!” Tali playfully hit Liara’s shoulder.

“I’m kidding. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Liara assured her.

“Thank you,” Tali muttered. “But Garrus said that Shepard is taking Miranda to the prom,” she looked at Kaidan as she finished speaking.

Kaidan fumbled with his backpack, dropping it on the floor when he heard Tali’s confession.

“What? Are you sure that Miranda isn’t spreading lies?” Liara sounded upset, but Kaidan couldn’t tell who she was disappointed in.

“Apparently Shepard told Garrus that he asked her yesterday, and she said yes. And I got in a fight with Garrus because … Well, you know how Shepard was supposed to come with us when … well, when you two were going together?” Tali began to ramble a bit now that she was getting to the core of the problem.

“No,” Liara announced loudly, groaning as she pressed her palm to her forehead. “Tell me Garrus did not tell Shepard that he and Miranda could go with us.”

“Well, yeah. I tried to stop him!”

“It’s fine, I won’t go,” Kaidan stated into his locker.

“Oh, like hell you’re not!” Liara stated. “You are my date, remember?”

“Liara, I can’t go, alright?” Kaidan looked at Liara. “You know I can’t look at him now, much less see Miranda hanging on him all night at prom.”

Liara groaned. “Just … just give me a day to talk to people and sort things out, okay?”

Kaidan sighed before nodding. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Liara stated, kissing Kaidan’s cheek. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” she stated as she started dragging Tali down the hallway.

Kaidan sighed as he lazily placed his textbooks into his locker, ignoring the whispering that followed every person that walked by him. He told himself that he broke up with Shepard because it was better this way, but something inside Kaidan still hurt. _Because you love him and you told him you didn’t to his face, moron_.

Kaidan was prepared for the taunts and even gossip that would spread about him, but he wasn’t prepared for being slammed harshly against his locker as he turned around. His relief at the person being Garrus quickly turned into fear when he noticed how pissed he was.

Garrus tightened his grip on Kaidan’s shirt, holding him in place against the locker as he aggressively pointed at him with his free hand.

“You son of a bitch,” Garrus partly muttered. “I told him it was stupid to go for someone like you! That you’d flee the minute things got tough!” He tried to harshly say in a low tone in order to prevent eavesdropping. But it didn’t matter because the entire student body stopped moving and stood to watch the event unfold.

“Garrus!” Liara’s voice from the crowd as she fought her way through. “Get your hands off of him!” She grabbed Garrus’ shoulder roughly, holding on tightly when he didn’t move.

“This doesn’t concern you!” Garrus barked back at her, still glaring at Kaidan.

“This doesn’t concern you, either!” She retorted.

“That’s funny coming from someone who meddles in other people’s affairs constantly,” Garrus scoffed as he looked at her.

“Garrus,” Tali’s voice softly spoke as she moved through the opening Liara had made in the crowd. “Garrus, let him go. Shepard told you to leave it alone,” she explained as she gently placed her arm on Garrus’ arm.

Garrus looked at Tali, pondering whether to let Kaidan go or not. He suddenly pushed Kaidan to the side and into Liara. Liara protectively held onto Kaidan’s arm, prepared to move between him and Garrus if need be.

Kaidan looked at Tali after his brain processed what she said. _Shepard told you to leave it alone_ , he thought.

“Did something happen to Shepard?” Kaidan asked Garrus’ turned back.

“Kaidan,” Liara harshly whispered. “He’s pissed, don’t talk to him.”

Kaidan ignored Liara’s warning as he stepped towards Garrus. “Is he okay?”

Everything happened quicker than anyone thought, sounds of shock and even excitement lapped over the crowd in a wave. Kaidan wasn’t sure how he lost his balance, but he was certain Garrus punching him in the face didn’t help. His body slammed against the locker before his body sank to the ground, the air being knocked out of him. Liara shoved Garrus backwards, yelling something at him before she turned her attention to Kaidan.

That was when someone grabbed Garrus and quickly slammed him up against the wall.

“I told you to mind your own business!” The person angrily stated. Kaidan didn’t have to look up to recognize Shepard’s voice.

Garrus remained silent when Shepard released his grip on him. Shepard turned to the crowd of students, giving them a standard ‘beat-it’ look. “Show’s over. Get out of here,” he commanded. Everyone suddenly dispersed like ants trying to flee back to their hill.

Shepard turned to look at Liara and Kaidan. Liara stood up, ready to fight off Shepard if she had to. Kaidan continued to look at the ground, not wanting to see how Shepard was looking at him right now.

Kaidan fought back a few tears when he recognized Shepard’s hand coming into his view as an offer to help him stand. He hesitated before slowly slipping his hand into Shepard’s. _It was a bad idea to touch him_ , he thought as a spark of familiarity hit him. He stared down at Shepard’s hand, noticing a piece of gauze peeking out from under his sleeve.

It was Shepard who pulled away first, placing his hands in his pockets in order to hide whatever was lurking under his sleeve.

“Sorry,” Shepard stated as he turned and started walking back down the hall.

Kaidan looked up, watching Shepard disappear down the hallway. He looked at Garrus, unsure what exactly was happening.

Garrus refused to look at Kaidan, moving to follow after Shepard. Tali offered her apologies for Garrus’ behavior before running off to find wherever it was they went.

It was just Kaidan and Liara in the empty hallway now, the bell for 4th period having already rung. Liara finally let out a sigh before offering, “We could leave or go to class. Whatever you want.”

“Did you know?” Kaidan asked as he looked at her.

“Know what?” Liara tried to remain calm, but Kaidan could tell she was hiding something.

“That he cut his wrists?” Kaidan’s voice sounded angrier.

“Kaidan—”

“Don’t give me an explanation, just tell me if you knew,” he stated.

“I … heard a rumor,” Liara feebly admitted.

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Kaidan loudly asked.

“I know you’re upset, but I didn’t tell you because—”

“Because I’m responsible,” he admitted.

“What? No. No one is responsible for someone else’s actions, Kaidan. Shepard did that to himself.”

“I knew he cut himself, Liara. I knew and I didn’t even think about it when I broke up with him,” Kaidan felt the panic rising into his chest. He felt bile moving along with it, threatening to make him sick.

“Kaidan, it’s not up to you to stay in a relationship because someone harms themselves,” Liara explained.

“I lov—” Kaidan cut himself off before he turned his back to Liara.

Liara remained silent at Kaidan’s half confession. He rubbed his eyes quickly, forcing the tears to stop from emerging.

“Then why did you break up with him?” Liara asked softly.

“It’s … complicated,” Kaidan muttered back.

Liara didn’t say anything as she took the few steps forward, embracing Kaidan tightly. She rested her forehead lightly against his back before uttering, “I understand. And I’m sorry that I upset you,” Liara stated quickly.

“No, it’s fine. I just … I have to fix this.”

“I’ll help you out,” Liara stated as she released Kaidan. “I have enough connections, we can make this work.”

Kaidan looked at his feet. _If you are going to confront her, do it_. “Even though you like him?”

Liara looked up at Kaidan, a little shocked at his inquiry. “What? Why would you think that?”

“You know everything about him and you talked about him all the time before senior year. You suddenly stopped talking about him after he bumped into me in the hallway,” Kaidan admitted.

“Yeah,” Liara sighed after a few moments. “You caught me, I guess,” she stated as she kicked her feet against the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me you liked him? I would have—”

“That’s why, Kaidan,” Liara admitted. “You would have pretended you didn’t like him because I had a silly high school crush on him. You need to start standing up for yourself. For what you want.”

The silence between them grew before Liara broke it with a harsh sigh.

“Shepard cares about you, anyways. It would have been silly for me to pursue him. Besides, I have bigger and better crushes than Shepard,” Liara stated with a small smile.

“Liara—”

“I’m going to talk to some people. Work out a plan. I’ll let you know what is going to happen with prom,” Liara explained, not wanting to continue their conversation. “I love you, Kaidan. You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy. So, no more talk of the past, right?” She asked, offering him a small smile.

“Okay,” Kaidan slowly nodded in agreement. He was hesitant to agree to it, because wasn’t Shepard part of that past?

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan was a little shocked to find Miranda standing on his porch, her sunglasses pushed up into her hair. She held a box in her hand, her other arm bent to house her purse handles. She actually smiled when Kaidan answered the door.

“Hey, Kaidan,” Miranda sounded genuinely happy as she greeted him.

“Miranda, what are you doing here?” Kaidan asked as he kept the screen door shut. His parents weren’t home, and he refused to be humiliated in his own home.

“I just wanted to come and talk with you,” Miranda sounded hurt as she spoke.

“Right,” Kaidan almost sighed, exiting the house as he came to stand on the porch next to her.

“You have a really nice house,” Miranda offered, an attempt to start conversation as she looked everywhere but at Kaidan.

“Thanks,” Kaidan responded, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t have his glasses on or contacts in, but he could tell something was bugging Miranda.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to about what happened with Shepard,” Miranda started, finally turning to look at Kaidan.

“Ian Manning is the last person I want to talk to,” Kaidan corrected her.

“Right,” Miranda replied. “But I wanted to talk to you about prom.”

“Look, I don’t care if Shepard takes you to prom.” _I hate that Shepard is taking you to prom_. “He asked you, you should go.” _He asked me, I should be going._ It took every ounce of Kaidan’s self restraint to not confess to Miranda how much he was bothered by Shepard taking her to prom.

“He asked me because he knew I didn’t have a date,” Miranda confessed. “He’s being nice because he knew I didn’t have one, and didn’t want me to go alone.”

“Why are you here, Miranda?” Kaidan finally asked through a heavy sigh.

Miranda watched Kaidan's features. “I know Shepard is supposed to go to prom with me, but the person he really wants to go with is staying home.”

Kaidan looked down at the floorboards of the porch, pretending they were the most interesting things he’s ever seen.

“My dress is red. It was my mom's favorite color too, I guess I at least inherited something from her,” Miranda gave a small reassuring laugh as she looked down at her feet. There was something different about Miranda today, something vulnerable. “But I lied and told Shepard my dress was blue.” She held out the box she was holding, offering it to Kaidan. “For what it is worth, I think Ian Manning is an idiot. The whole school does.”

Kaidan looked at Miranda for a few moments, scanning her features for some elaborate plan being formed. He hesitated before taking the box from her hand. He carefully lifted the top of the box to peak inside.

“Liara got it from one of her mom's catalogs. It’s supposed to be all the rage for prom now,” Miranda explained.

Kaidan looked down at a set of—what he could surmise as—expensive cufflinks and an elegant, blue pocket square.

“I’m “making” Shepard wear similar cufflinks and pocket square. So you’ll both match.” Miranda used her newly manicured fingers to make air quotations, and for the first time in his life, Kaidan felt happy being around her. “Liara came and talked to me about it. We came up with the plan to “trick” Shepard into being in a room with you. Because you’re both stupidly stubborn.” Kaidan could see her arch an eyebrow at him when he tried to protest her statement. “We both know you still care about each other, and idiots like Ian Manning shouldn’t keep you two apart.”

“Miranda, why—”

“I know this doesn’t make up for all the horrible things I’ve said to you,” Miranda started. “But I hope it’s a start. And I hope I can gain your forgiveness, Kaidan. I never wanted you or anyone else to get hurt. I just …” She looked down as she thought about what to say. “I just wanted someone to love, who could love me back, you know? I wanted to be worth something. I wanted someone to look at me the way Shepard looks at you,” she brushed her tears away with the back of her hand, trying to avoid smudging her make-up.

Miranda was surprised when Kaidan hugged her, pulling her body in close to his.

“You are worth something, Miranda,” Kaidan stated. “You’re worth so much, and you’ll find that somebody. I promise.”

Miranda didn’t try to hide her sobs that crept up from deep in her chest. She clutched Kaidan’s back, holding onto him tightly as she allowed herself to cry for the first time since her mother died.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is dedicated to [luxluminaire](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luxluminaire), who encouraged me to finish this fic after flailing with me about the adorableness that is mShenko.
> 
> Kaidan's poem to Shepard was written by the lovely Derog6. Thank you for lending a piece of your creative work to this fic.
> 
> Some of you have asked about the possibility of this continuing. I have other mShenko fics in the works right now, however, I am looking into there being a continuation of this fic, into college years. It would certainly take some time, but I absolutely love this story and the characters, so I highly expect myself to be coming back to it.
> 
> All good things must come to an end. I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

“You feeling okay?” Shepard asked Miranda.

“What?” Miranda asked, looking away from the door for what felt like the first time. “Oh, I’m fine.”

“You seem … distracted,” Shepard stated, relaxing in his chair a little bit more. “Is it because we don’t match?”

Miranda looked at his blue pocket square before looking at her red dress. “Oh, no. That was my fault. Changing last minute and not warning you. I’m just curious over who is showing up late,” she partially lied, getting somewhat angry with Kaidan when she realized he didn’t show up yet. She turned and gave Liara a small, hopeful look. Liara only returned her look with a small, unsure shrug.

 _He isn’t going to make it in time for the Prom Court announcement_ , Miranda thought as she noticed Principal Hackett walking up to the podium with an envelope in his hand.

“If you’ll indulge an old man,” Hackett began as he motioned for the DJ to pause the music. “Thank you,” he stated when the music stopped, and the noise from the dance floor ceased. “I’m sure you’re all more than excited to find out who you elected to be part of the prom court,” he paused when the uproar from the students grew louder than the microphone’s volume.

 _Damn it, Kaidan_ , Miranda thought as her leg started to nervously shake.

“You’re going to win,” Shepard stated as he leaned in close to Miranda, offering her a small smile.

“Huh?” Miranda looked at Shepard before connecting the dots that he assumed she was nervous about the results. “Oh, yeah. Thanks,” she smiled at Shepard.

“And your prom princes are,” Principal Hackett opened the envelope. “Steve Cortez.”

Steve stood as he approached the stage, smiling as the other students applauded. He snuck a side look at James before heading up to the stage, waving out to the crowd as Ms. McAnear placed one of the prince crowns on his head.

Hackett waited for the cheers to die down before stating the next name. “James Vega.”

James half jogged, half walked up to the stage, taking his place next to Steve. They smiled at one another, muttering a small ‘Thank you’ to Ms. McAnear when she placed one of the crowns on his head.

“Garrus Vakarian,” Hackett announced, wincing slightly at the loud uproar that came from the crowd.

Garrus stood, placing a gentle kiss on Tali’s head before looking at Shepard. “I’m supposed to be king,” he gave a small, sarcastic pout. He moved through the crowd, quickly taking his spot next to Steve and James.

Miranda continued to let her leg bounce as she waited for Kaidan to miraculously show up and sweep Shepard off. _He better not bail. Because then he really is being an idiot_ , she thought to herself.

“And your prom king is … Leon Shepard.”

Shepard looked up, a little surprised. He looked at Miranda, who offered him a smile before ushering him to go up. He moved towards the stage, surveying the faces in the crowd in an attempt to find one person in particular. He stood in front of Ms. McAnear, giving her a small smile before looking out at the crowd. He frowned when he spotted almost everyone, except Kaidan.

“Your prom princesses are … Tali’Zorah nar Rayya.”

Tali looked shocked and surprised, both at the fact that she made prom court, and that Hackett managed to pronounce her full name correctly. She quickly made her way up to the stage, smiling at Garrus before she took her place on the opposite side, allowing Ms. McAnear to place the crown on her head.

“Liara T’Soni.”

Liara looked up from the table, looking around surprised. She gave Miranda a look, one that was questioning if it was her doing. She smiled when Miranda smiled at her, giving her a genuine shake of her head before gesturing for Liara to get up. Liara was more surprised at the fact that she didn’t know she was on the ballad. _I guess I can’t know everything …_ She thought as she took her place next to Tali, fixing the crown on her head as she tried to become accustomed to the strange weight.

“Edi,” Hackett paused, scanning the card for the possibility that he was just not seeing Edi’s last name. “Edi,” he repeated her name, giving up his search for a last name to accompany her first.

“Edi, that’s you,” Joker stated when Edi didn’t make a move to stand.

“Are you sure?” Edi asked as she looked from Joker up to the stage, watching people look at her as they loudly clapped.

“Do you know anyone else named Edi who goes to this school?” Joker asked.

“Well, the probability that—”

“Edi, it’s you,” Miranda stated as she leaned back in her chair, interrupting Edi’s conversation with Joker.

“Oh, alright,” Edi stated as she stood, walking up to the stage. She took her place beside Liara and Tali, waving to Joker as Ms. McAnear placed a crown on her head.

“And last, but not least,” Hackett started as he opened the last envelope that held the name of the prom queen. “Your prom queen is …”

Miranda had all but sopped paying attention to Hackett as he announced the prom queen. Her eyes remained focused on the door leading into the gymnasium, convinced that Kaidan would walk in at any moment. _In every stupid teen prom movie, the person walks in just as they announce the prom court. Come on, Kaidan._

“Miranda,” Joker stated her name, making her look at him. “You’re prom queen,” his tone of voice hinted that it was an obvious statement, and that no one else could have possibly won.

Miranda looked up at the stage, scanning the crowd as she stood, noticing that everyone was looking at her, cheering for her to accept her crown. She smiled at Hackett as she reached the podium, bending her head slightly to allow Ms. McAnear to place the crown on her head. She looked to her side, smiling back at Shepard when he smiled at her.

Hackett and Ms. McAnear joined in the applause, standing back to give the students room on the stage.

“Now, as custom, the king and queen will have their first dance, later joined by their court,” Ms. McAnear stated into the microphone one the applause died down.

Miranda looked from Ms. McAnear to the rest of the prom court, somewhat saddened by the thought that even though she finally had what she thought she always wanted—a crown, Shepard dancing with her—that Shepard wouldn’t have Kaidan to dance with, and James and Steve weren’t able to dance together. _It’s high school. Why do we even care?_ It was Shepard taking her hand that surprised her. She let him lead her towards the center of the dance floor, smiling when he pulled her in close.

It was easy for them to fall into rhythm with the music, moving back and forth, both of them almost ignoring the looks and stares of everyone else. Miranda sighed as she encircled her arms around Shepard’s neck.

“Congratulations,” Shepard stated as he broke the silence between them.

“Same to you,” Miranda replied with a faint laugh. “Seems kind of pointless, doesn’t it?” She looked up at Shepard, seeing him arch his eyebrows in question. “All of this. It’s one last hoorah for the popular kids before we become nothing,” she shook her head, thinking bitterly about the way she spent her last four years.

“We won’t become nothing, Miranda,” Shepard corrected her. “We’ll just become who we aren’t afraid to be.”

Miranda looked up, smiling at Shepard’s words, feeling a wave of comfort wash over her. She moved to rest her head on Shepard’s shoulder. She noticed how the rest of their ‘court’ had paired off and were now dancing around them.

“Sorry I’m a terrible dancer,” Shepard stated against Miranda’s hair, adjusting his hold on her to accommodate her head resting against his shoulder.

“You’re not that bad. Besides, it’s just swaying back and forth,” Miranda stated as raised her head to look at him. “I’m sorry that you have to dance with me.”

“I like dancing with you, Miranda,” Shepard replied with a smile. Miranda, however, could see the melancholy behind it.

“But you’d like to be dancing with Kaidan,” Miranda stated.

Shepard looked down between them, uncertain how he should feel at the mention of Kaidan’s name. “At one point, I would have,” he lied.

“Do you still love him?” Miranda asked, shifting her arm on Shepard’s shoulder to wrap around his neck. She wanted to give him someone to talk to, but she didn’t want to display his personal life for the entire dance floor to see.

“I …” Shepard paused, thinking about how to answer. He moved to place the side of his head against Miranda’s, feeling their crowns gently touch at the close proximity. “I don’t know if it is still raw … or if I’m going to feel this way forever. But whenever I think of him, I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t think of my life without him.”

“Love does that,” Miranda stated.

“How can I love him when he doesn’t love me?” Shepard asked. “It’s not fair.”

“Shepard,” Miranda gently said his name, knowing that if Kaidan didn’t have the courage to come tonight that he didn’t deserve to have Shepard back. But she knew if Shepard knew the truth, he’d leave right now and kick in Kaidan’s door, refusing to leave. _He’d fight for him … but is Kaidan going to fight for him?_ “Kaidan lied.”

“What?” Shepard asked, leaning back from her to look her in the eye.

“Maybe you don’t want to give yourself false hope, but it doesn’t take Liara to figure out that Kaidan still cares about you,” Miranda explained. “The way he looks at you,” she gave a happy sigh as she thought about the way it would feel to know someone looked at her that way. “He looks at you like you’re the only person in the world. Like he’d stop existing if you didn’t look at him. Like … like you’re too good to be true, too good to be his.”

“Miranda—”

“Don’t let his fear of you getting hurt stand between you,” Miranda stated.

“He’s afraid I’m going to get hurt?” Shepard asked, uncertain he was hearing her correctly.

“He’s afraid that you’ll suffer the same pain he has nearly his entire life. And I have to admit that I didn’t help it,” Miranda shook her head. “You should be happy, Shepard. You and Kaidan.”

“He’s happier without me,” Shepard stated.

Miranda frowned, wishing her speech ended with a different outcome. She looked up, hugging Shepard as they continued to sway back and forth. She rested her chin on Shepard’s shoulder in defeat.

“Thank you, though,” Shepard finally stated.

“For what? It didn’t help,” Miranda replied.

“It did. It means a lot that you were willing to try and fix it,” Shepard explained. “The truth is …” he hesitated before taking a breath to continue. “I’m always going to love him. And … I didn’t do what I did because of him. I did it because of me. Because I couldn’t see a life without him.”

Shepard was surprised when Miranda brought her head up, looking over his shoulder. Miranda smiled as if she saw the thing she was waiting her entire life for came walking into the room.

“Do you still want a life with him?” Miranda asked before looking at Shepard.

Shepard hesitated before nodding, slightly confused by the way Miranda was acting.

“Then take my advice,” Miranda started, leaning forward to kiss Shepard’s cheek. “Be happy.” She smiled before slipping out of Shepard’s arms, walking away from him.

Shepard stood in the middle of the dance floor, more confused than at ease at Miranda’s words. _What the hell has gotten into her?_ He thought. He noticed that Garrus was looking at him, nodding his head in a gesture that told Shepard to turn around.

Shepard slowly turned his body, keeping eye contact with Garrus before he looked at where he was nodding. He felt his stomach knot as his breath caught in his throat when he saw the person standing in front of him.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said his name with a questioning tone, unsure what was happening.

Kaidan held Shepard’s gaze as he offered him his hand. “Care to dance?” He asked, offering Shepard his hand.

Shepard looked from Kaidan’s hand to all the other students surrounding them. Almost everyone was looking at them, but he wasn’t sure what they were expecting.

“What about—”

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Kaidan stated. “If you’ll dance with me, then that’s all that matters.”

Shepard hesitated before slipping his hand into Kaidan’s. He let Kaidan pull him close, gently placing his arm across Kaidan’s shoulders. He easily moved back and forth with him, the feeling of having Kaidan back in his arms felt more than right.

“Shepard,” Kaidan started, hesitating when he felt Shepard tense. “I know you probably don’t want to hear anything I have to say. And you have that right. But all I’m asking for is a chance to explain myself.” He waited, uncertain if Shepard’s silence was consent for him to speak.

“It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with who I am. My mom and dad were more than accepting when I told them … about us. But that only made me realize that I didn’t care how they felt. Sure, it would have been hell to have my mom and dad reject me, but I could live with it. What I can’t live with, is how I treated you,” Kaidan paused, his heart beating louder than he thought possible. He was certain Shepard could feel it beating through his chest.

“Kaidan, you don’t—”

“No, I do. I really do,” Kaidan nodded to himself before looking up at Shepard. “I’ve been so focused on how other people look at me, how they accept me. It started to matter to me that I was ‘normal.’ If they didn’t like me, or accept me, then who would?” He shook his head. “But it took you to show me that there isn’t anything wrong with who I am. That they were wrong and someone actually did like me. Love me, even.” He tightened his grip on Shepard, feeling like his strength was going to leave him. “And I gave that up. I gave you up. And I am so sorry I did.”

“I’m not asking that you forgive me. I don’t expect you to,” Kaidan took a deep breath. “You trusted me. You trusted me and I hurt you, and there is no way I can take that back. I just thought you deserved to know the truth.” He suddenly stopped dancing with Shepard, reaching into the inner pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a folded piece of paper, offering it to Shepard. “This is the truth. It was when I wrote it … and it is now.”

Shepard tried to keep from trembling as he took the piece of paper from Kaidan. He watched as Kaidan hesitated before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. He couldn’t speak as he watched Kaidan walking away from him, leaving him in the middle of the dance floor. He knew Kaidan was giving him space to read whatever words he had written down, but he wished Kaidan didn’t leave. He wanted Kaidan to be standing there. He wanted to still be holding onto him.

What he didn’t know was how hard it was for Kaidan to struggle with not breaking down. He didn’t want to cry in front of Shepard. He didn’t want him to somehow feel guilty and obligated to forgive him, but he wished more than anything that Shepard would read the letter. _Please, God, just let him read it. Let him know I love him_.

Shepard hesitated in unfolding the paper as he watched Kaidan exit the gymnasium. He slowly unfolded the paper, trying to keep his breathing calm as his eyes dashed over Kaidan’s handwriting, soaking in every word.

 

_Walking along the path before me, I gazelessly follow the road. Dragging my feet ever endlessly upon this street to the sea. My senses are numb and oblivious to all, save the star that heeds my call. Ever shining upon me whispering hopes and dreams. I tread ever onward ignoring the seed, of the love could bloom within me. Streaming down through the clouds of doubt, a single ray of sound pierces the air. It is calling to me, the star up high. Saying come back to life and look around, See the man that is abound. I stop and turn my aching head, and catch the sight of you in distance, whispering hopes and dreams. I smile at last and leave the masses, and follow you in our treaded path._

 

_Shepard,_

_You are my light in a world of darkness, my faith in a world of pain, my dreams in a world of nightmares. You are my everything. There will never be another you. You are what I hold dear. I love you._

_Always yours,_

_Kaidan_

 

Shepard wasn’t sure what was happening to him as he feet force him forward. He was rushing towards the door he knew Kaidan went through, almost pushing people out of the way. He couldn’t think about anything else beside Kaidan.

“Kaidan!” Shepard called his name the minute he exited the gymnasium into the hallway. He panicked when he didn’t see him at first, thinking he had left. His grip tightened on the letter as he scanned the hallway. His breath caught in his throat when he spotted Kaidan standing down the other end of the hallway, looking surprised at Shepard’s outburst.

Kaidan stared at him in confusion, not knowing whether he was happy or upset, or both. He spotted his unfolded letter in Shepard’s hand, knowing he must have read it. _Please don’t hate me_ , he thought as he tried to prevent himself from fidgeting.

Shepard took the few steps he had to in order to close the gap between them. “When did you write this?” He asked, holding up the paper as he came to stand in front of Kaidan.

“The day of the last football game. Before you told me you loved me for the first time.” Kaidan looked at the paper, wondering if he did the right thing by giving Shepard the poem and his first confession of love. “But it was as true then, and it is now.”

Shepard moved faster than Kaidan thought he could, his hands cupping his face as he pulled him into a kiss. A kiss, Kaidan thought, would never happen again.

Without hesitation, Kaidan pushed into Shepard, bringing his hands to grip the fabric of Shepard’s jacket. He held onto him as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. He didn’t want to let go of Shepard. He never wanted the moment to end.

When they finally broke from their kiss, Shepard placed his forehead against Kaidan’s, slightly panting as he waited for his heartbeat to regulate.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you,” Kaidan almost mumbled as the tears started to fall. “I thought you’d be better without me. That you’d be happier.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Shepard replied, closing his eyes as he held on to Kaidan, happy that he had him back in his arms again.

“Yes, I do,” Kaidan argued, sniffling some when Shepard gently ran his thumb over his cheekbone, brushing away his tears. “You let me in. You let me love you, and I betrayed that trust by hurting you.”

“Kaidan,” Shepard gently said his name. “You did what you did because you wanted to protect me from the hell you went through,” he explained. “And if this is true,” he held up the paper in between them. “Then it must have been agonizing for you to do what you did. Even though you did it because you love me.”

“I love you, so much. And if you’ll let me … I’m going to do everything I can to show you that. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel that hurt again,” Kaidan placed his hand over Shepard’s heart as he spoke.

“Kaidan … I can’t forgive you,” Shepard stated. He tightened his hold on Kaidan when he tried to back out of his embrace. “I can’t forgive you, because I never blamed you. And I never will.” He moved his hand to gently move a strand of Kaidan’s hair out of his face. “I love you,” he stated as he examined Kaidan’s features. “Just … just promise you’ll never let me go.”

Kaidan nodded, faintly smiling as he tried to hold back his tears of joy. “I’m never going to let you go.”

Shepard smiled at hearing Kaidan speak the words he thought he never would hear again. He leaned in, kissing him in earnest, the urgency to feel Kaidan’s lips again overwhelming him. He felt at peace for the first time since his parents’ passing. It was the first time he felt at home. _Home. Kaidan._

Shepard pressed his forehead against Kaidan’s, keeping his eyes closed as he focused on nothing but Kaidan. “I love you,” he finally stated, opening his eyes to look at Kaidan.

“I love you too,” Kaidan replied, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. “We can stay, or go. Whatever you want to do.”

“I’m already prom king,” Shepard replied, gesturing to his crown.

Kaidan gave a slight chuckle. “Sorry about missing it,” he stated. “You look good in a crown though.”

“Really?” Shepard questioned, as if the thought was something he’d never considered. “In that case, I’m going to wear it later tonight.”

Kaidan let a small laugh escape him as a faint blush fell over his cheeks at picturing Shepard with nothing but the crown on. “If you want to,” he gently bit his bottom lip as he thought about the possibility that they maybe shouldn’t dive straight back in to their former intimacy level.

“I just want to be with you, Kaidan.” Shepard reached up to gently stroke his thumb across Kaidan’s jaw. “Sex or no sex, I just want you in my arms. I want to be in yours. Forever.”

Kaidan looked up at Shepard, smiling when he saw the seriousness in his eyes. He nodded in agreement, before echoing Shepard’s “Forever.”

Shepard smiled before a look of surprise covered his features when he saw something behind Kaidan. “Looks like we aren’t the only ones making up at prom,” he joked as he motioned towards Ms. McAnear and Ryan talking near the seclusion the end of the hallway provided.

Kaidan was surprised at first, not thinking about the fact that Ryan would be present. “Is it strange that Ryan is here?” He questioned as he looked at Ryan and Ms. McAnear.

“Not really. He volunteered as the cop on duty,” Shepard shrugged. “I think it makes him feel better about letting me out of the house if he can supervise me.”

“Um,” Kaidan blushed a little as he looked back at Shepard. “I think you are going to have a godmother.” He smiled when Shepard looked back at Ryan and Ms. McAnear, just in time to see them kiss.

“Seriously?” Shepard questioned. “They’re supposed to be responsible adults, and they are making out in the hallway like teenagers.”

Kaidan laughed at Shepard’s response, pulling his hand to get him to follow him back into the gymnasium. Shepard followed him without much resistance, focusing on nothing but Kaidan.

Garrus blocked their path towards the dance floor, surprising and worrying Kaidan that he was still angry with him.

“All worked out, huh?” Garrus questioned as he looked at Shepard.

“Yeah,” Shepard replied, interlocking his fingers with Kaidan’s.

“Alright,” Garrus replied, nodding to himself. “I’ll be the big man and admit that I shouldn’t have punched you,” he stated to Kaidan. “But if you pull another stunt like that—”

“I look forward to you punching me in the face,” Kaidan replied. Kaidan smiled when he heard Garrus’ faint laugh. “You woke me up, Garrus. Thank you.”

“I do what I can.” Garrus nodded before he gestured towards the dance floor. “Now, go and have fun before you two make me even sicker with how disgustingly romantic you are.”

Shepard patted Garrus on the shoulder when they passed, thankful that Garrus apologized for acting out.

“I thought he was going to hit me again,” Kaidan stated.

“It’s how he shows his love,” Shepard joked.

Miranda sat in a chair, leaning her chin into the palms of her hands. She waved to Shepard when he gave her a greeting nod, holding up his hand that held Kaidan’s for her to see. She smiled fondly as she watched them move onto the dance floor. She adjusted the weight of the crown on her head, wishing she wore her hair up to hold the thing in place. _Stupidly heavy for a hunk of fake metal_.

“Would the prom queen care to dance?” A familiar female voice asked, an offered hand coming into Miranda's view.

Miranda looked up, noticing the hand belonged to none other than Liara.

“You want to dance with me?” Miranda asked in a skeptical tone.

“How many chances does a girl get to dance with the prom queen?” Liara explained, still offering her hand.

“What happened to ‘vapid, over-popularized, attention seeking whore’?” Miranda asked, turning her body to face Liara.

“Actually, it was ‘vapidly popular, attention seeking brat.’ But appearances can be deceiving,” Liara explained, smiling.

Miranda looked around, noticing that a majority of the surrounding crowd was staring at the two of them. She looked down, smiling before sliding her hand into Liara’s. She knew everyone was waiting for her to reject Liara, maybe even some hoping she would accept. “I’d love to dance,” she stated as Liara helped her stand, for the first time not caring what her peers or her father would think of her.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaidan pressed his face into Shepard’s back, letting out a deep breath when he was confident that this was real. He had Shepard in his arms once again. They didn’t have to worry about anyone finding out, because everyone they wanted to know knew. He smiled against Shepard’s skin, loving the feeling of having him there once more.

“I have something I want to give you,” Shepard suddenly stated as he started to sit up.

“You don’t have to give me anything,” Kaidan responded as he too sat up. He watched Shepard stand and make his way over to his closet to retrieve the present. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, scooting over to sit on the edge.

“I was thinking about giving it to you for graduation, but I changed my mind,” Shepard explained as he walked back over to Kaidan, handing him the medium sized gift.

Kaidan smiled, loving the feeling of Shepard’s arms wrapping around his waist as he settled on the bed behind him. “I could wait until graduation.” He moved his head to the side to accommodate Shepard with enough room to rest his chin on his shoulder.

“Technically I’ve had it for longer than we’ve been dating, so I feel like that is cheating,” Shepard stated as he nipped at Kaidan’s ear, making him laugh in response.

“I don’t have to open it now,” Kaidan restated as he moved his hands over the brown parchment covering the present.

“I want you to open it. So open it,” Shepard replied.

Kaidan didn’t need any more of a hint as he started unwrapping the present. He was surprised to come face to face with a drawing of himself. Only, Kaidan thought it looked like a completely different person. Looking at it, anyone could tell that Shepard spent a great deal of time on the drawing. Every contour of Kaidan’s face was a beautiful curve, ones that made the viewer assume that Shepard enjoyed his experience drawing his subject.

“I lied when I said I just got back into drawing recently. I started doing it after the first day of senior year,” Shepard explained. “I also lied to you when we first met,” he confessed as he watched Kaidan observing the drawing. “I knew who you were. I saw you my first day at school. I kept trying to get your attention, but you never looked at me.” He laughed slightly when he saw Kaidan’s shocked expression. “Garrus had to steer me out of the way of so many doors and lockers whenever you were around, because I was too busy staring at you.”

“Every time I tried talking to you, you would be gone, having slipped out of the room or hallway. So,” Shepard paused. “I walked into you on purpose because I figured if I knocked your books out of your hands, you had to talk to me.”

“You walked into me on purpose?” Kaidan asked in surprise as he looked back at Shepard.

“Yeah,” Shepard sheepishly laughed. “That’s the peak of my flirting skills.”

“I wish I had noticed,” Kaidan suddenly stated as he looked back at the drawing. “Noticed that you were interested in me. Earlier than this year, I mean.”

“I’m just glad I have you back,” Shepard stated as he pressed a kiss to Kaidan’s shoulder blade.

“I’m sorry I ever pushed you away,” Kaidan replied, turning his body to look at Shepard. “It’ll never happen again.”

“Good,” Shepard nodded in response, gently kissing Kaidan as he tightened his embrace. “Now,” he stated as he pulled the drawing from Kaidan’s hold, setting it down on the floor. “I think I prefer you with the crown on,” he smiled as he set the crown on Kaidan’s head.

Kaidan laughed in response, gently shifting it so it settled onto his head. “Do I look like a prom king?” He sarcastically asked.

“Definitely,” Shepard replied, leaning in to kiss him once more.

Kaidan smiled into their kiss, curling his fingers into the hair at the base of Shepard’s neck. “I love you, so much,” he stated between kisses.

“‘I know’,” Shepard stated with a smirk when Kaidan caught on what he was referencing.

“I’m strangely okay with being Leia,” Kaidan replied.

“Why wouldn’t you be? Leia is kickass,” Shepard replied.

“I’m so glad I made a Star Wars nerd out of you,” Kaidan stated as he pushed Shepard back into the bed.

“‘Great, kid. Don’t get cocky’,” Shepard stated with a smirk.

“Oh my God, I can’t handle you right now,” Kaidan laughed as he kissed Shepard again.

~0~0~0~0~0~

“Just one more,” Mrs. Alenko stated as she took another photo.

“I think that’s enough mom,” Kaidan stated, somewhat shy at the fact that his mom probably took more photos of him with Shepard than just him.

“Oh, Shepard doesn’t mind,” Mrs. Alenko stated as she took another one.

“Of course not,” Shepard replied with a smile at Kaidan.

“Please don’t encourage my mother,” Kaidan stated as he looked at Shepard.

“Encourage her,” Liara stated as she photobombed them.

Kaidan only laughed before hugging Liara. “Congratulations on being valedictorian,” he stated.

“Thank you,” Liara replied before she released Kaidan. She quickly moved over to hug Shepard as well. “I thought Miranda was going to beat me.”

“Almost,” Miranda’s voice came from behind her. Liara turned and looked at Miranda, offering a small sheepish smile.

“You’re still president of the student council,” Liara offered.

“I know,” Miranda replied before she smiled at them. “I just wanted to get a chance to say goodbye,” she explained.

Shepard didn’t wait for anyone to respond before he pulled Miranda in to a hug. “Thank you,” he almost whispered to her. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome,” Miranda replied, closing her eyes as she smiled, hugging Shepard back. She pulled back from Shepard, but not before he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Miranda turned to Kaidan, hugging him as she gently placed her hands over his shoulders. “Stay in touch?” Kaidan asked as he released her.

Miranda was surprised by his sincerity, thinking that Kaidan would feel grateful to move on from having to converse with her. “I won’t make any promises,” she replied, offering a small smile that suggested she would try.

Kaidan laughed, nodding in response.

“We’ll leave the happy couple,” Liara announced, smiling as she took Miranda’s arm, pulling her away from Kaidan and Shepard.

“They seem … closer,” Shepard stated as he watched Liara and Miranda walk away, disappearing into the crowd.

“Miranda is a queen bee and Liara knows all the worker bees’ secrets. It’s kind of terrifying to think of them working together,” Kaidan stated as he too watched them disappear.

“But nice to know they have each other,” Shepard admitted, turning his attention back to Kaidan.

“Yeah,” Kaidan looked at Shepard. “It makes life bearable knowing you have someone.”

“I certainly does,” Shepard replied, entwining his fingers with Kaidan’s as he leaned in to kiss him.

Kaidan smiled into the kiss, before suddenly breaking from Shepard when he heard the sound of a camera going off. “Mom!” He yelled at his mother when he realized she took their picture.

“Oh, stop fussing. It’s a good one,” Mrs. Alenko stated as she looked down at her camera’s screen to check the photo. “Oh, it’s adorable.”

“Helen, leave them alone,” Mr. Alenko stated when he heard Kaidan’s small groan.

“Oh,” Mrs. Alenko waved her hand in dismissal. “They’ll thank me when they are older and want to look back.”

“I find it adorable that your mother can’t seem to stop documenting our relationship,” Shepard stated with an amused smile gracing his lips.

“I can’t help but find it embarrassing,” Kaidan replied, relieved that his father was intercepting his mother’s photo taking privileges.

Shepard looked from Mr. and Mrs. Alenko to the rest of the crowd of students and family members. “What if we get out of here?” He asked as he looked at Kaidan.

Kaidan hesitated before nodding with a smile. He bid his parents farewell, nearly having to pry his mother off of Shepard because she was so afraid she wasn’t going to see him again. He leaned against Shepard’s motorcycle as he waited for him to find Ryan and let him know he was departing. He smiled when he saw Ryan embrace Shepard, kissing the top of his head before jokingly pushing him away.

Ryan was holding Shepard’s graduation cap and gown when he waved to Kaidan. Kaidan waved back, smiling when Shepard came over to him, placing one of the helmets in his hands.

“You sure about this?” Shepard questioned as he watched Kaidan pull the helmet on over his head.

“I promised I would give it a shot,” Kaidan replied with a smile.

“Okay,” Shepard stated with a smile as he pulled on his own helmet. He swung his leg over the bike, kicking the stand out before he looked back at Kaidan. Kaidan moved to straddle the bike, wrapping his arms around Shepard’s waist as he placed his feet perfectly on the footrests. “I promise I’ll go slow,” he smirked back at Kaidan as he started his bike.

“Slow is good,” Kaidan replied, tightening his hold on Shepard as he pushed his hands to settle lower on his abdomen. Shepard laughed, muttering ‘tease’ before pushing the visor down on his helmet.

It took Kaidan a few moments to get used to the motorcycle’s balance as Shepard took the first turns out of the parking lot and onto the road. He finally grew comfortable enough to lift his head from Shepard’s back, observing the scenery as it passed by them. He loved the feeling of Shepard in his arms, but part of him hated not being able to talk to him. _I guess being able to hold him is supposed to make up for the lack of conversation_.

Kaidan was surprised when he recognized the road they were driving up. _The lookout_ , he thought when Shepard brought the bike to a stop, letting his feet down as he balanced the bike. He killed the engine, taking off his helmet.

Kaidan let his feet fall from their spot on the footrests, however he kept his hold around Shepard. Shepard turned his head to look at Kaidan, smiling when he looked up at him.

“You can let go now,” Shepard commented.

“Maybe I don’t want to,” Kaidan mused back before slowly slipping his hands off of Shepard’s chest. He pulled off his helmet, surprised when Shepard leaned in to kiss him.

“What was that for?” Kaidan asked, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“For being you,” Shepard stated, offering his hand to Kaidan to help him get off the bike. Kaidan took his hand, easily swinging his leg off of the bike, waiting for Shepard to stand before he handed him his helmet.

Kaidan moved from the motorcycle, wandering over to the overlook to look at the view of the town. He easily moved over the guard railing, pausing as he crossed his arms over his chest. He smiled when Shepard wrapped his arms around his waist, moving his head to allow Shepard room to place his chin on his shoulder.

“It’s over,” Kaidan stated with a sigh. “I can’t believe it,” a small laugh of relief almost breaking his voice.

“We made it,” Shepard stated, resting the side of his head against Kaidan’s.

“Yeah, we did,” Kaidan stated with a smile, overjoyed by the feeling of Shepard’s arms around him.

Kaidan closed his eyes as he leaned back into Shepard’s embrace. He rested his head against Shepard’s, sighing when Shepard nuzzled against his jaw. For the first time in his life, Kaidan felt as ease. He remembered the sinking feeling he used to have before Shepard entered his life, as if he had been staring at the sky for too long without actually being able to fly. He released a deep breath, feeling stronger than he ever had before now that Shepard accepted him back. He opened his eyes to watch the sun set, excited for the first time to plan out his future, by Shepard’s side.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to join me on tumblr:
> 
> [drunklightning](http://drunklightning.tumblr.com) is my blog where I reblog anything I find of interest.
> 
> [dexterous-sinistrous](http://dexterous-sinistrous.tumblr.com) is suited towards my ramblings about my writing, and NSFW. (It's where I serenade myself about Sterek). It's my trashcan of emotions. Feel free to stop by and say hi, criticize me, make incoherent noises with me, whatevs.
> 
> [Send](http://dexterous-sinistrous.tumblr.com/ask) me any prompts you think you'd like to have me write!


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